auralea

I am close to 3 months clean from opiates. I haven't made it this long in 4 years. And I am struggling. I am not sure what the trigger was but now it is all I think about. I guess I am just feeling the disappointment of my high expectations. I thought if I just remove pills from my life everything will be fine and fall into place. I realize that is not how this works.

I don't know how to be myself anymore. I don't know how to deal with life anymore. I feel all this guilt and shame about my past and don't know how to move forward.

I always read about the compulsion aspect of addiction but now I understand. When I thought about using over a week ago, that thought has grown and grown. I have stayed strong. It is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I feel like I am battling myself everyday, all day.

I have tried to bring healthy things into my life but apparently I am missing something.

This is normal?

sugarbear1

seems to be a trend. 3 months and the brain and body are missing what they once had....

get through this!!! it's not worth it going back. keep moving forward!!!

Treerat66

Hi auralea, welcome to SR
Well done on your 3 months. You've made a big change in your life, it's going to take time to settle into place.

carlingford

Well done Auralea on getting to where you are, I know the feeling I am at 25 days today and it is so so draining but I just keep telling myself, this is my body healing after years of abuse and just think to myself if I went back using the outcome would be MANY MANY TIMES worse due to the kindling/repeat effect on the brain and I try and distract myself and hope it eases. God Bless You.