Blythe

I have been lurking on this site for 3+ weeks as I attempted to mentor a young man who I have known since he was a toddler. He is a heroin addict. He has been through rehab, one sober house, and now he has been thrown out ("on purpose") from a second sober house. When he is not staying with my husband and I he stays with a woman he met on the street - who is a user; of what I am not sure. I have learned here that with addicts the truth is what they want it to be?
This past weekend I allowed him to stay with us for three nights. Saturday morning at 4:30 when I was unable to sleep, I texted his mother to let her know where is and is not. She and I were close friends at one time but she no longer speaks to me. I felt it was my responsibility to let her know. She was not happy and neither was he.
I contacted his recovered alcoholic ex stepfather the first weekend he had been to our home. The man was horrible to me for allowing the young man to have beer with dinner (while I was getting him a hair cut and dress pants so he can look for a job). I am not an addiction expert. This is my first experience with it.
SO. I have no support or even acceptance from his family. AND I was looking for my lost phone Saturday morning when I found clear evidence of drug use. I confronted him. I had to. He had his excuse. I did not sleep Saturday night as he was still awake at 3 in the morning. I was in fear of him stealing from us.
My husband has not been supportive of me. The young man has not been supportive of himself. He slept until nearly 4 in the afternoon yesterday. It was then that I knew he cannot stay with us. There is no more "advice" or admonishment that I can give. He obviously does not want to find a job if he is using drugs and sleeping until dinner time. Yesterday I was NOT insisting he get out of bed like I would with an adolescent. He is aware of the severity of his situation. I am finished babying him.
My dilemma is his family. He is essentially homeless. He has zero support from his parents. What do I do next? Go out on a limb and try to get him back in a sober house? Or let it go? He must not have hit his bottom yet.
Thank you for listening.

anykey

can you refer him to clergy?

least

Welcome to SR. If it were me I'd put him out and let him take his chances. You've given him a chance and he blew it. I'd be done with it and let him hit his bottom. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.

Blythe

Anykey, I can hardly refer him to the shower. The clergy has crossed my mind, as well as paying for counseling.
My husband put him out last evening. I have to be done with him before I lose what little sanity I have.

Raider

I'm with Least. Say goodbye to the young man. I'm sorry. Bless your heart for trying.

biminiblue

Your husband put him out.

Leave him out.

Your "help" is not really helping the addict, it's helping the addiction.

doggonecarl

Sorry for what brings you here.

No, not an expert in curing it, but I think you are getting a crash course in the destructive nature of addiction and the chaos that it drags behind it, like a tornado.

You seem motivated to help out of compassion. But love can't cure addiction. But addiction can sure suck the love and compassion out of you. I'll echo what the others say...quit while you still care about this person, for it will quickly turn to hate.

Also, have some consideration for your husband. He doesn't deserve to be sucked into this mess.

Blythe

doggonecarl, thank you for pointing out the obvious. My husband is a kind man but has zero patience for foolishness. And I am starting to hate the kid. I'll hear from him when he needs money or has no place to go but the homeless shelter. My nerves are shot after the weekend with him!

kohara

If you want to help him, you need to leave it to him to figure it out. It's hard but it is his problem, not yours.

anykey

At this point you cant jeopardise your home life- your immediate family.

I commend you for trying- but cut your losses. I also would look at your property like a robber would- is it is easy to break into? Secure you valuables. Do it.

Blythe

Our house is a fortress. I made sure all keys were accounted for. He helped himself to some medication from my purse. I made sure all credit cards are accounted for.
Cutting my losses!!!!!
Which is very sad but the drug evidence scared the wits out of me. And he is/was such a nice kid with a huge heart.

SoberLeigh

You are a kind and caring person, Blythe, for trying to help this young man. Be at peace with your husband's decision to put him out; it seems the right one.

anykey

That monster robbed you or your medication. You could press criminal charges against him.

Do not jeopardise your marriage/immediate family over him.

Drug addict will lie, cheat, steal, they will do anything for a fix. I am glad you safegaurded the house.

I never hide a key. I locked myself out a few years ago- and getting in was shockingly easy. These days I have a trusted neighbor hold a key.

BTW- keys can be copied in less the 3 minutes. For about $1. Most likely tho he will move on and forget about you.

Upward2Enlightenment

Blythe, I was/am a recovering opiate addict and can tell you he will NEVER be clean till he truly wants it. An addict will do almost anything to get a fix. Let him go till he hits rock bottom.

If you are religious pray for him but don't trust him.

kohara

I would also make sure any jewelry is locked up or hidden. I had an addictive sister steal a lot of my jewelry to support a habit and then a few years later aderal from my daughter when we were are in the house. A desperate person will do anything for money to support a habit