TryingToLearn

I know there's a sticky at the top of the page and I keep rereading it but could use some support. I'm getting ready to take a quick trip to visit family I haven't seen in years and the pressure is on to keep me here. This morning I got called a "GD idiot" because I wouldn't do something and he keeps talking about family bull--- and on and on.

Trying to get through this and I know I need to remove myself from the situation but I get so confused and lost sometimes and all this pressure is making me think I should change my plans.

Blossom717

Is it that he doesn't want you going? he's trying to make you feel guilty about going? I just had to deal with that this past weekend. And yes its abuse.

Do you feel guilty for something you know you shouldn't? Please don't change your plans. If you do, he will think he has control and will keep doing it. My ABF threatened to kick me out over the weekend if I went through with my plans. I still went, had a great time, and guess what? he didn't kick me out.

Seren

Isolating the victim from family and friends seems to me to be a classic move by an abuser. If you want to visit your family, you have every right to do so. Please do not change your plans because of something he says.

TryingToLearn

Blossom, he doesn't want me to go. And thank you Blossom and Seren for your help. I've lost my perspective living in this situation.

Blossom717

This is what I have to remember (easier said than done): "what do I want?"

I have to think "do I want to do whats good for me, or listen to him call me names when I've done nothing wrong?"

Be strong, you will feel better once you get to your family. And keep coming here! This place can help you feel like you have a team on your side.

Patticakes

So sorry you are going through this. Been there, done that and I know the feeling of confusion. I ended up deciding that whenever I started to get "confused" in a situation it was time to remove myself from it. When someone in your life is trying to control you they do use confusion as a weapon.
When I remove myself and give myself the time I need to reflect and process... everything becomes so clear. I figured out that I am smart and I do know what is best for me! And the stronger I get the easier it is for me to follow through with what is best for me.
Wishing you serenity and peace.... you deserve it.

TryingToLearn

Thank you all for your help and support.

AnvilheadII

we have no obligation to listen to a word from anyone who calls us a GD idiot....in fact we shouldn't be in the same zipcode!

tjol81

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I know many of us on here can relate directly to what you are saying!
I had the same thing from my XAF for over a year. The happier I was, the stronger the name I was called. It does appear to be the MO of an A, so I used to brush the insults aside. Only now that I'm out of it can I see that despite thinking I wasn't being affected by it, I really was as I can remember 90% of the the incidents. Would I had to stop and ask myself is: Would I let anyone else speak to me in the way he does? When the answer was a resounding "NO!", I accepted that just because he is ill with this disease, it doesn't mean I have to suffer too.

Be sure to keep your own life going, it is yours and nobody else's after all. Take care xx