suboxonestopper

I am at the tail end of my Suboxone detox. Prolly only have a few days left.
I find on this Saturday night instead of leg cramps, depression and nausea, I'd prefer a needle or a pipe. No discrimination..I'll take whatever I can find.

This is my attempt to start changing my dirty habits.

I find that when I relapse it usually happens like this:

-have the thought of getting high
-obsess on it
-glorify it until I convince myself
-refuse to think of anything else except how to score until I do it

So, I know that in posting here I am forced to type it out which requires thinking about the millions of bad things instead of the one good thing. (the glorified 5 second good thing.)

For me, H has been the most difficult to put behind me. Thanks for letting mw vent. I think deep down I don't really want to.

happycampers

No, DEEP down, You DON'T want to - it's just that crazy old mind song playing in the head again. But it's NOT you - can you see it play ? There's you watching it , hearing it, there's You and the old song playing- they're separate. Stay with the REAL you - find the quiet within, even for for a few seconds here and a few seconds there. Step out of the mind and find that quiet "space "within- rest there . Be at ease, breath.... It'll pass. Trust.

biminiblue

Type more than a couple paragraphs. Type out the whole story of your past using days. Do it in OneNote or somewhere if you don't want it online. You've got to remember how bad it really was instead of falling into the circular seeking behavior.

Dee74

re-read your old posts as well Sstopper. Make good decisions today

D

Raider

Deep down you don't really want to


That's not you talking ........

OpioPhobe

I am glad you posted this. My thought process was pretty much the exact same, but I never actually wrote it out. It is great that you have identified it so you can do something about it. How do you plan to battle the cravings and to stop it before it gets to number 4 on your list?

happycampers

How about interrupt it at #1 ? It is the thought of using which is the signal to intervene. What are you feeling just before those thoughts come ? Are you feeling overwhelmed by something in your current situation ? Are you feeling trapped in some way ? Or helpless? I read that addiction is only a symptom of an unlying feeling of powerlessness/trapped helplessness and for long-term soberity to stick, you need to identify the real issues driving the need to escape. Do you feel any of these emotions,Stopper ? If so, what can you change to lessen those feelings? What empowering action(s) can you take?

suboxonestopper

HappyC- I am really scared of screwing up again is at the root of it. Ben 12 or more years without going a week clean.. I always get sober and relapse. Some minutes I feel great like I can do it this time, next minue I am like wtf why am I trying.

I rented pay per per view and watched Netflix all night.. since I am sleeping little to none right now.. Stayed clean.

happycampers

That's SO awesome - you rode it out and it passed !!! You should pat yourself on the bat - or at least do it for me ! Just take it one day at a time - that's enough. Don't worry about tomorrow - you never have to handle more than today. Forget the rest and when the mind story gets going , catch it and stop it. Keep reminding your mind that today is enough and try to see if you can find some ease in just staying present . It's a real challenge, I know, but it's a challenge that will help you on so many levels. And the more clean days you stack, the easier it'll be to do this and other other positive things. Just keep it simple - today is all you need to take care of. Keep moving forward,, Stopper - you passed yesterday's test - you can pass today's!

suboxonestopper

Thanks camper. I know I am in the middle of it. Everything w say we have to deal with when we quit is upon me this weekend. And I am still on a small 1/4 of a pill...scared of the jump.

One day at a time was a great reminder. Today and yesterday it was more like 10 minutes at a time..

happycampers

10 minutes at a time works. Anything else that comes up, just tell your mind , Not Now, and come back to what's right in front of you . Tomorrow's issues can be dealt with later. Your only job right now is to keep stacking 10 minutes at a time - nothing more. Keep it simple, right now, Stopper. Don't let your mind take you away into all kinds of messy places.