Courage To Change 04/30/14
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Courage To Change 04/30/14
I have no idea why the faucet in my bathroom started dripping. Handling the situation with great patience, I watched it drip. And drip and drip. Sometimes I tried adjusting the knob, but I really expected it to stop dripping by itself. Naturally it didn’t work out that way. The problem got worse and eventually did extensive damage. Finally I had to call for help.
I can’t tell you how many problems I’ve handled in this very way, with just as little success. Thanks to Al‑Anon, I no longer have to wait for a situation to explode before I face it. One of the most useful tools has been sharing in meetings and with members of the fellowship. When I put my experiences into words, they seem more real and I am less likely to push them aside. As a result, I can often face problems when they are still only slight irritations and deal with them before they grow and take over. Today I am not so interested in high drama; I’d rather have a real life.
I can’t tell you how many problems I’ve handled in this very way, with just as little success. Thanks to Al‑Anon, I no longer have to wait for a situation to explode before I face it. One of the most useful tools has been sharing in meetings and with members of the fellowship. When I put my experiences into words, they seem more real and I am less likely to push them aside. As a result, I can often face problems when they are still only slight irritations and deal with them before they grow and take over. Today I am not so interested in high drama; I’d rather have a real life.
Today’s Reminder
Today I will share honestly about something that has been nagging at me. My life deserves my attention.
“One of the most helpful aspects of the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship is the opportunity we have to voice our dilemmas, confident that we won’t be condemned for speaking frankly.”
Living with Sobriety
Today I will share honestly about something that has been nagging at me. My life deserves my attention.
“One of the most helpful aspects of the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship is the opportunity we have to voice our dilemmas, confident that we won’t be condemned for speaking frankly.”
Living with Sobriety
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
That's an interesting reading today because I absolutely cannot relate to it. I have the opposite problem: I tend to not only face problems heads on but to see them coming and worry myself sick with what has yet to happen. Al Anon actually taught me that sometimes it was ok to sit still and the best action was non action.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 26
This is 100 percent me. If there is a problem and I know I can't control the outcome then I ignore the problem until it goes away or gets too big to ignore.
I have to have surgery at the end of June and I've known about it since Feburary but I keep coming up with reasons not to actually schedule the surgery because I can't control what the outcome will be and I'm convinced I can find a way to not need the surgery. Which is unpossible. My goal for myself last week was to schedule the surgery. I know this problem won't go away on its own or might get worse if I don't deal with it but surgery is too big of a unknown. Too many ways for everything to go wrong. It's just so much easier to ignore the problem when I can't control it.
I have to have surgery at the end of June and I've known about it since Feburary but I keep coming up with reasons not to actually schedule the surgery because I can't control what the outcome will be and I'm convinced I can find a way to not need the surgery. Which is unpossible. My goal for myself last week was to schedule the surgery. I know this problem won't go away on its own or might get worse if I don't deal with it but surgery is too big of a unknown. Too many ways for everything to go wrong. It's just so much easier to ignore the problem when I can't control it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by davenport 
This is 100 percent me. If there is a problem and I know I can't control the outcome then I ignore the problem until it goes away or gets too big to ignore.
I have to have surgery at the end of June and I've known about it since Feburary but I keep coming up with reasons not to actually schedule the surgery because I can't control what the outcome will be and I'm convinced I can find a way to not need the surgery. Which is unpossible. My goal for myself last week was to schedule the surgery. I know this problem won't go away on its own or might get worse if I don't deal with it but surgery is too big of a unknown. Too many ways for everything to go wrong. It's just so much easier to ignore the problem when I can't control it.
I have to have surgery at the end of June and I've known about it since Feburary but I keep coming up with reasons not to actually schedule the surgery because I can't control what the outcome will be and I'm convinced I can find a way to not need the surgery. Which is unpossible. My goal for myself last week was to schedule the surgery. I know this problem won't go away on its own or might get worse if I don't deal with it but surgery is too big of a unknown. Too many ways for everything to go wrong. It's just so much easier to ignore the problem when I can't control it.
I am a very good procrastinator.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 31
Holy cow. That one is SPOT ON for this girl! My refrigerator is making this constant, loud noise, and it's making me crazy. I've told a friend that it's almost like it's taunting me. I can almost hear it whirring at me that I can't do anything to fix anything.
I locked myself out of my house, and my first solution of crying in the driveway didn't help. Lol. My car registration is out, and the longer it goes, the more I dread doing it, and instead I drive out of my way to avoid policemen I see coming. DUH. Just go get the sticker. It's not hard, but since I missed doing it ahead of the period, now I'm paralyzed into inaction.
This is a reoccurring, problematic theme in my life.
I locked myself out of my house, and my first solution of crying in the driveway didn't help. Lol. My car registration is out, and the longer it goes, the more I dread doing it, and instead I drive out of my way to avoid policemen I see coming. DUH. Just go get the sticker. It's not hard, but since I missed doing it ahead of the period, now I'm paralyzed into inaction.
This is a reoccurring, problematic theme in my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
One thing I have learned is that even if the situation does explode that does not mean it has to remain that way.
You can deal with what has happened and take steps to not make it worse. The snowball effect can be stopped if you take steps as quickly as possible to stop the momentum.
Denial or ignoring the problem has never made it go away.
You can deal with what has happened and take steps to not make it worse. The snowball effect can be stopped if you take steps as quickly as possible to stop the momentum.
Denial or ignoring the problem has never made it go away.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
I am a "Houston we have a problem" type person and want to fix it NOW. I want it now.
I'm starting to learn, although I am not in alanon yet, that sometimes it needs to be "Houston I see YOU have a problem, because I have my own."
Not sure if that's the *right* way of doing it or not......
I'm starting to learn, although I am not in alanon yet, that sometimes it needs to be "Houston I see YOU have a problem, because I have my own."
Not sure if that's the *right* way of doing it or not......
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I think I go back & forth across this issue. When things are ok/normal I tend to be a "fixer"..... heading off problems before they have a chance to manifest whenever possible.
But when the crap is hitting the fan & times are stressful I can dive into a hole emotionally & get overwhelmed with the simplest of tasks. Then, thunk! (buries head in ground) That's when my 2-Do list becomes so important to me
, it helps me to pull my ostrich-head out of the ground by breaking things down into smaller, more manageable goals.
Davenport - I thought my family was the only one that used the Ralph Wiggim/Simpsons created term "unpossible" in regular conversation, thank you for that!
But when the crap is hitting the fan & times are stressful I can dive into a hole emotionally & get overwhelmed with the simplest of tasks. Then, thunk! (buries head in ground) That's when my 2-Do list becomes so important to me
, it helps me to pull my ostrich-head out of the ground by breaking things down into smaller, more manageable goals. Davenport - I thought my family was the only one that used the Ralph Wiggim/Simpsons created term "unpossible" in regular conversation, thank you for that!
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