allthatsgood

Do you ever feel like you don't know where you belong? The substance abuse forum for family and friends doesnt feel right because your A may be in the early stages of recovery. But you want to understand how your A may feel so you go to the substance abuse side. But neither do anything to help you personally?

KariSue

I have seen posts for those with relatives in early recovery on both this board and the Family and Friends one. Both allforcmn and Bluechair have husband's in recovery. Probably others too but those are the only two I can think of at the moment.

Just post your questions/concerns on either forum and I'm sure there will be someone to answer or have you done that with no response?

Kari

LvWrAM123

My husband is in early recovery. I have found both F&F and newcomers on this site to be helpful to me as I navigate this process, as part of my own recovery. I have also read several books, been in individual and marriage therapy and just finished up a mindfulness group. I haven't been to alanon yet, but I am open to it. I wasn't open to it initially because I was resentful that "I" had to go to a meeting because of my husband's disease, but I get it now, that if I go, it is for me, to help me, not for him.

I think reading threads here (and participating a little) has helped me sort out the "I need to take care of me" stuff, work on me, maintain my own boundaries, etc. I have also learned more about alcoholism/addiction in general which helps me be more empathetic, and understand his experience and path he is walking a bit more. I have also developed a greater understanding if the steps and the lingo of AA/Alanon.

I think all of that together has helped me do the work on me part. I really enjoyed my mindfulness group. If I hadn't had insurance, and access to therapy, I would have gotten to Alanon sooner. In fact, I still may go. My mindfulness group just finished, and while I plan to keep up with my readings and work started there, I also think I can be open to and would benefit from alanon. I know it won't hurt, and if nothing else, if I go and don't feel like I "need" it right now, it will be less scary down the road if I feel I need it later.

I do think there are several on F&F who have spouses in early recovery and others who can weigh in on that experience-what kind of support are you looking for/can we offer? The biggest message I've gotten on F&F is we can't fix them, all we can do is work on ourselves-that is true whether or spouse is using or in recovery.

jacrazz

I'm all over this site! F&F, ACOA, A, Christians in Recovery....must be my ADD

allforcnm

This may sound strange, but I feel like with my husband being in recovery... I find more in the Substance Abuse forum that relates to our experiences and provides a needed boost of hope sometimes. Why? I think its because the forum is filled with people in recovery; and for many one of the big aspects of recovery is restoring relationships with family and friends.

I don't post much there because it does feel awkward at times, and with family related issues I worry I might trigger someone who is in a dark place with their own family.

Of course there are people on the family forums who have loved ones in early recovery and who are working on their marriages (like me) ...just not as many post IMO...

FireSprite

I actually feel the opposite - that I get something out of every forum whether I'm just lurking/reading or actively posting. The F&F & ACoA forums help me work on me & uncover issues I may not have noticed on my own. The Newcomers & Alcoholics forums help me tremendously in gaining understanding from the other side of the fence. That often translates to more patience for me, so we both benefit when I have better understanding. Every forum tends to lead me to more resources - books, blogs, research, etc.