gatorgirl67

And I hope it plays out differently....

I found SR last summer, lurked and posted for a few months before giving it a go in September, lasted 11 days and then again in October for about a week. I kind of felt that I could drink or not drink at that point, but if I had my choice I wanted to drink, and that choice was wine every night. I still lurked on SR every day, and decided I would drink through the holidays and quit January 6th. That lasted 4 days, and then I guess I went on "denial" strike for 3 months, didn't check into SR and even considered Moderation Management. But I came back to SR a few weeks ago and have realized that my life and health will be better just not drinking at all.

So I went to my fiance's house Monday night with my sparkling water and lemon, and told him very casually that I have decided to take a break from drinking. He said ok and that he would take a break with me (he's a normie drinker, but his dad was a bad alcoholic, that recovered after inpatient rehab)

We have never had a discussion or confrontation about my drinking He always offers to fix me a glass of wine when I'm cooking, so I'm not sure he realizes the extent of my passion with wine.

Anyway, I'm on day 3 and taking it one day at a time. I'm going to take some advice I have read on SR, and take a 30 day break and see how my body and mind feel unaltered and unclouded. I have a strong feeling I'm gonna like it!

I don't have a set plan yet, the biggest hurdle was telling my fiance. He is so supportive and understanding, but admitting to him was like admitting to myself, for real.

I very thankful to have found SR.....

P.S. Raider, you rock!!! You're story has helped me come to grips with myself!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, lady!! You look MARVELOUS!!

Thepatman

So happy for you for making this decision. Your soon to be husband sounds most supportive. It will help you build a solid future ;-)

SoberLeigh

Behind you all the way, gatorgirl67. Keep SR close.

I agree; Raider rocks and does look great.

Applekat

Good luck gatorgirl. I hope today is my day 1!

GotGrace

Hey, I remember you! :0)

I am glad you are back. I think this time will be different for you too. And I agree with Patman. Your fiancé sounds like a gem!

Applekat

I'll have to look up Raiders story!

gatorgirl67

Yes, he's a gem!! Thank you both!!

AppleKat, today's a great day for Day 1!! I also have two kids...teenagers!!
Definitely check out Raider's story, she inspires me!!

Applekat

My hubs is also amazing and also a 'normal' drinker. He could have one or none. And also would just pick me up a bottle of wine if I asked. What nice men.

We are "taking a break" from wine but he can have his occasional beer.

I can't imagine teenagers!!! Mine are 2 and 4! Congrats on day 3 I'm rooting for you!

gatorgirl67

Same here, I told him that he could have a beer if he wanted. I don't think that would bother me, but just knowing that he would quit with me means so much... Lucky ladies, we are!

doggonecarl

Welcome back.

I'm not sure in what context you saw the 30-day break advice given. Usually it is for newcomers who are unsure they are an alcoholic. They are often told to take a break and see how they struggle during that period.

You are already aware of your struggles and grip alcohol has on you. What is thirty days going to tell you? I hope you'll consider quitting for good...no trial period. Because it's pretty easy to convince ourselves after a short period of sobriety that we don't have a problem and resume drinking.

gatorgirl67

Doggonecarl, you are right...I know not drinking ever again will be the best thing for me and my family. But jeez, it's seems so hard to wrap my mind around that right now. How do I do that?? It's so clear sometimes and so muddled in my emotions sometimes. So frustrating!!!

doggonecarl

Forever can be pretty daunting for some. That's why the precept of "one day at a time" is so helpful. You don't worry about staying sober forever, you work on staying sober today!

For me, I got hung up on the "one day..." portion of the slogan, as in, "One day I'll be able to drink." But in the course of my recovery work I realized that I was never a normal drinker, I was never going to be one, therefore I could never drink.

Forever didn't seem so daunting then. It was actually a relief. I could just quit wishing and hoping that one day I could drink and embrace that I was never drinking again. Forever.

least

I tried so hard to drink normally but never could. It was actually a great relief to give it up for good.

gatorgirl67

Doggonecarl and least...thank you.

I hope I can get to that place....I think that once I get some sober time I will come to realize that not drinking IS easier than having IT control me and my life.

It's weird but I can picture my life without drinking, but I can also picture myself being so vulnerable to it...I know it is progressive, in my mind, I know that. I'm very lucky that I function well not drinking, no anxiety, thank goodness.

But I LOVE the feeling of relaxation in that first drink, and then I have that glass in my hand the rest of the night.

Last night I went to bed sober...and in my head I wished I was laying down with a buzz, so much easier to fall asleep.

SoberLeigh

Gatorgirl - I'm with doggonecarl and least - I never could moderate; I failed miserably each time; I simply can't be a normal drinker. I hope that, at the end of your 30 days, you find sobriety so wonderful that you decide it to embrace it!!!!!

gatorgirl67

Me too Soberleigh!! I can almost feel it, but it's so hard to put more than my big toe in the water right now. Honestly, I don't feel moderation is in my future, it takes up so much of my time and energy, and I think it brings on more anxiety than the wine relieves.

Grungehead

Instead of "forever" think of it as "indefinitely".

SoberLeigh

One day at a time, gatorgirl, one day at a time - day after day; after a while it truly gets so much easier. By the way, wine was my poison, too. It seemed so benign, so innocent, at first but then . .