Blossom717

Detachment is hard. When he is on a binge, I can detach. I can go back to the bedroom, shut the door and watch tv or pretend to sleep until he passes out. Or take DD to the gym, or library. That's easy.

But what about when they aren't on a binge? He is still drinking, probably around a 6 pack a day, I know its just a matter of time before he goes by the liquor store though. How do I detach? When he's helping dress DD in the mornings, and actively participating with us in the evenings? Its when life feels semi-normal for a few days/weeks that I think my plan of leaving him is absurd.

hopeful4

You just go on about your business and live in the moment. For myself, the anxiety of waiting for the shoe to drop and know I was actually going to do something about it really helped me detatch. It was silly for me to think some huge thing had to happen. I should have left long ago but I did not. O well, no looking back now, only forward.

You detatch by putting the needs of your child and yourself before him and his drinking. You live a life not geared from fear and anxiety but do things that please you and give you good quality time with those you want to spend it with.

Good Luck and God Bless!

unsureoffuture

I am so so familar with this. This describes my AH to a tee. When life is good and he is not actively intoxicated and participating with me and the kids, I think wow maybe things will be OK and then BAM the shoe drops and he is binging again and I am sure I need to leave. I am at the point now where I just despise the binges and intoxication so much. It causes me so much anxiety and uncertainty and anger. I know for sure I need to leave. Its just never the right time. I just want to you to know you are not alone. However, in my case there is a cumulative affect. I can only detach so much before it bothers me.

SparkleKitty

I have never considered detachment as an effective long-term strategy for living with active addiction, only a short-term one for protecting oneself from the consequences of another's issues, emotionally, physically, and financially, if necessary. I have only ever lived with regularly-drinking alcoholics though, not binge drinkers. I imagine it's hard to find stable footing in that situation.

Blossom717

You described my feelings exactly! The feeling of uncertainty is something I can't live with forever, I guess it has to be a "plan" for the next move. I guess we have to make the "right time"! Easier said than done though, huh!

AnvilheadII

the thing is, whether he is drinking more (binge drinking) or less (maintenance drinking), HE'S STILL DRINKING. which means the disease continues to progress unhampered. as it is AT BEST you get "semi-normal" for a few days or weeks at a time. that's the best he has to offer....sort of ok, sometimes, until he's passed out drunk again and you're hiding in the back bedroom.

that ain't living. that's being held hostage and only allowed out in the yard for a couple hours every six weeks or so. with the chain still around your ankle.

Ripper

I guess it's my situation too. My DH is what I would consider a 'binge drinker" I think. The problem doesn't lie with the few beers he has during a social engagement, but the bottle of hard stuff he hides (in so many places, I've lost count and stopped (almost!) looking)- he usually proceeds to drink the whole thing and "poof" he's drunk as a skunk and I saw nothing....sometimes he just falls asleep, or sometimes it's worse, like driving in between drinking the whole bottle and it hitting him once he gets back from an " errand"... The years and years of this has taken its toll on our relationship. I use to think that when he wasn't binging, he was fine, but I realize that he is still lying and the problem is just festering, as after a week, a month or more, he just caves and does it again...every time he reminds me that he's "better" since he doesn't drink as much...how do I know, he hides it!?! The point is, whether drinking actively or not, I am starting(finally!) to accept and understand that this problem is here to stay and I have the choice to stay with it, or get away from it. I've tried "detaching" while living with him....I don't think what I'm doing is living....