Husband72

I served my AW divorce papers in an effort to save my marriage, wow what a mistake. My wife left on Mar 1 to go to Atlanta and never returned. She went straight to a hotel and relapsed. Since then she has bounced back and forth between friends homes.

She actually told me that now that she has left me she is happier and not abusing anymore. Oddly, however, the rage from her texts are outlandish. I only reply that "I am sorry you feel that way and I pray for you".....I strongly feel that she is abusing but has anyone been down this road.

She said once she arrived in Atlanta, her friends said that she looked happier because she told them she was getting a divorce but then after getting served by me 4 weeks later, the divorce was "MY CALL" . Just so sad of all of this rage from her.

least

I hope you can find peace in your life.

Husband72

My anxiety is out of the roof unhealthy.....UGH!

Butterfly

I told my AH I wanted a divorce after he walked out to try and shock him into realising what he was giving up. I didn't get the response I wanted he still said he wants to be on his own and wants to drink. I miss him so much but I know that things won't change until he is ready to seek help. Your AW may be angry as she has realised that you are no longer putting up with her drinking and not willing to live your life that way!! As I have been told many times on here alcoholics won't recover because others want them to they have to hit rock bottom and acknowledge they need help. At this point your AW may view that you are the one with the problem (which your not) that she is not doing anything wrong. Alcoholics are not able to see the hurt and devastation they have caused while they refuse to acknowledge they have a problem.

Are you seeking support for yourself? I know I have to and will be starting counselling soon I also know. I need to rediscover who I am without with husband and start to rebuild my life even though I desperately want him to seek help and come home but not if he hasn't addressed his addiction. At the minute I'm not ready to start that road yet as I am still trying to come to terms with what has happened. I keep taking one minute at a time and one day I hope I will be able to rebuild my life

I wish you well in your recovery

Anna

So, what were trying to accomplish when you served your wife Divorce papers? It was meant as a ruse to get her to stop drinking?

I also hope that you find peace in your life.

Husband72

I served because I meant it though my heart wanted her to make a brave change and stand up for our marriage.

But when you leave your spouse on a 3 day trip and do not return, begin drinking and start accusing me of being emotionally abusive when I have been by her side every step of the way..... what choice did I have really?

Yes, I wanted her to stand up and take accountability but I am obviously still a newbie with this. One second she says she is sad, the next second she says I went behind her back in speaking with her friends. I created a email Group when she was in rehab so her friends could pray for her and mail to her. Alcoholism is not a dirty secret. 2 of those so-called friends have since drank with her upon returning to Atlanta......heartbreaking.

Anna

Well, it sounds like your wife took it seriously when you served her with Divorce papers.

Are you getting any support for yourself through this time with counselling or AlAnon? I hope you find some peace.

Husband72

Anna, I made it clear that it really was not what I wanted but that if she can't respect my boundaries.....

As well, she is raging about being served but contradicts herself by saying her friends mentioned how could she looked AFTER she told them she was getting divorced, but this was before being served.

I have not gone to Al Anon but once but I do see a therapist.

suki44883

Sounds like you were both contemplating divorce unbeknownst to the other. Neither of you are happy the way things are and neither of you are willing to change, so the logical solution would be to end the marriage and each of you move on with your lives. Staying together would just result in two miserable people.

Husband72

The only change left for me to make would be to accept her drinking.

suki44883

Which she has no intention of quitting. Stalemate.

Husband72

very well spoken.

Thepatman

As an Alcoholic, ultimatums never worked for me. It only made me feel abandoned and this fear of abandonment only made me drink more.

I think you should think about yourself and your health.

She will only want to dig herself out when she hits bottom of the hole she is digging. Some never do, live your life and concentrate on your happiness.

Brian316

Sorry husband I have to rep the other side of the coin here. My wife threatened and finally served me divorce papers. All it did was help me justify continuing to drink. I thought screw it I've lost everything now anyway. When I was ready to get sober I actually then left her. Not saying that's what you have going, we had many more problems than booze alone. I do recommend you look into Al-non.

hockeywino

Husband, I too was threatened, and no I didnt like it, I had very well known that I needed help, but that help wasnt for her, it first had to be for me, cant help anyone unless you help yourself. that said when i got back sober, and dealing with life from a new perspective, the old country song kept coming back in my head "ya aint much fun since I quit drinking".....however I realized that she had stuck by me during a very rough time and I needed to do the same for her. I have had my hiccups but I am here, and I know i need to be. First you know your wife needs help, I am sure she knows she does, and as an alcoholic its real easy to blame everyone else. With that she needs to heal, but equally and as important so do you no matter what the outcome may be. Just like she cannot help anyone until she helps herself, nor can you. you deserve the best in life and all things do happen for a reason, many times we dont know why, but in the end it is always for the best.

Husband72

We don't have but one problem, alcohol. Well, maybe that I definitely believe God needs to be a bigger part of our life. Married now 14 months and 30k later on rehab and recovery and she still says she is not an alcoholic. In fact, says that now she is gone she does not abuse which I know to be false. She was to go to a concert this evening and I knew that she would not make it because the texts (fits of rage) yesterday ended about the time she passes out. Our mutual friend had mentioned on Facebook that a ticket had come available because my wife could not make it. It is all too predictable and sad but I just respond "I am praying for you and I am glad that you say you are no longer abusing". I just don't get the rage still directed at me. And Brian, I wish I knew that serving would backfire but not sure I really have a choice because it is sucking me dry healthwise ad financially.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your pain Husband. I hope you'll look into Alanon, or a similar group, for support in this difficult time.

D

biminiblue

Divorce is not a pretty time for anyone. Lots of stuff is going to be said that is going to be hurtful and you will think it is not true. This is divorce.

Been there. Hope you can find your own peace.

CAPTAINZING2000

My wife had gotten sober same time as I did. The trouble we had was her enabling her kids and grand kids.

I had Al Anon for support. I was getting crazy living a marriage like I had been.
It appears, you learned the harsh reality of losing a spouse to alcohol. We shouldn't have to settle for seconds in a marriage.

Husband72

AMEN! J-O-Y is a mantra my grandfather used all the time!!!! Love it.