Instant irritability! (rant)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Instant irritability! (rant)
So I'm twelve days sober. Doing great, using the tools in my toolbox, etc.
But every time I'm around my (live-in) bf, I get pretty much instantly irritable. We don't hold the same schedule very much (I work nights and weekends, he works days during the week) but we still have hours that we're in the apartment together.
And he gets on my last nerve. I've been working on being patient and ignoring focusing on him, instead focusing on myself and trying not to fret, but it's just not working so I figured I'd vent here for a sec.
Why does he bother me so much all of a sudden?! It's like everything I say, he has to one-up. He is RIGHT about EVERYTHING, in his book. And it drives me crazy. I know I'm letting it get to me, but I feel mocked, scorned, unsupported and generally angry.
I find myself WISHING he'd abuse alcohol more, or get outright angry at me, so that I'd have an excuse to run away. I'm not going to instigate anything, that'd be too low, even for me (ha), but golly gee, I can't handle much more of this before I just SNAP.
I feel like there's an elephant in the room, the elephant of me not drinking. I've posted before about how he doesn't understand why I quit, that he misses his drinking buddy, that our relationship was founded on partying and drinking.
But why the irritability? Even the way he walks, talks, makes noise, snores at night, all of it - driving me insane. I can't believe that I'm letting such a silly little thing bother me so much.
#endrant
But every time I'm around my (live-in) bf, I get pretty much instantly irritable. We don't hold the same schedule very much (I work nights and weekends, he works days during the week) but we still have hours that we're in the apartment together.
And he gets on my last nerve. I've been working on being patient and ignoring focusing on him, instead focusing on myself and trying not to fret, but it's just not working so I figured I'd vent here for a sec.
Why does he bother me so much all of a sudden?! It's like everything I say, he has to one-up. He is RIGHT about EVERYTHING, in his book. And it drives me crazy. I know I'm letting it get to me, but I feel mocked, scorned, unsupported and generally angry.
I find myself WISHING he'd abuse alcohol more, or get outright angry at me, so that I'd have an excuse to run away. I'm not going to instigate anything, that'd be too low, even for me (ha), but golly gee, I can't handle much more of this before I just SNAP.
I feel like there's an elephant in the room, the elephant of me not drinking. I've posted before about how he doesn't understand why I quit, that he misses his drinking buddy, that our relationship was founded on partying and drinking.
But why the irritability? Even the way he walks, talks, makes noise, snores at night, all of it - driving me insane. I can't believe that I'm letting such a silly little thing bother me so much.
#endrant
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Roque , In the beginning of my quest for sobriety my SO was supportive very much so ad nauseum! Then jealous of my counseling and meetings. I try to stay in myself so as not to have any outbursts that make me look as bad sober as I'm sure I did when drunk! She has a way of taking a simple request or question and irritating the hell out of me over nothing, but then that has been true for 34 years, I try to grin and bear it . Just doing my best to get another day under my belt and survive! You can too! I know it! You are probably right about losing a drinking partner, I felt the same way when she sold her bar and quit! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Your not alone, I don't live in with my gf but I have that same irritability issue, like she way she chews and breaths it like runs right thru me. I know it's so silly and I do snap but I'm learning to cope with it. It's not particularly healthy if the whole relationship is based off partying, it may leave you set up for failure in the long run. Hopefully he can be a bit more understanding in the near future. Instead of trying to internalize it all, when the time is right just sit him down and as calmly as possable try to explain to him how bad you are feeling inside, and that in a way it's not entirely his fault, it's the drinking and how bad you really want to stop. There isn't an elephant in the room you just need to address it in a way. I hope this helps...
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
I have similar issues. Been married for close to 15 years, and drinking was a big part of our relationship. The first 7 years it was just us, so we often went out for dinner/ drinks etc. then my daughter was born, and that's when my drinking really picked up speed. He never said anything until a year ago, and that's when I got sober.
Now it seems as though everything he does irritates me to no end. Some real issues, but also some really stupid and mundane things. I often feel bad because I honestly don't think any of the behaviors are new, so don't know why now they bother me so much.
Kind of worried myself because I am coming up in 1 year sober, and it's still an issue for me, so afraid it will always be this way...God I hope not.
Now it seems as though everything he does irritates me to no end. Some real issues, but also some really stupid and mundane things. I often feel bad because I honestly don't think any of the behaviors are new, so don't know why now they bother me so much.
Kind of worried myself because I am coming up in 1 year sober, and it's still an issue for me, so afraid it will always be this way...God I hope not.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 272
My completely unprofessional opinion is that you're channelling frustration in other areas of your life to him, as he's the easiest and most convenient target. I'm not saying you don't have valid reasons to be irritated with him, but that's my thought seeing how it's a sudden thing. Personally, when I get that irritated with someone, it's generally because they are somehow reflecting a frustration I have with myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by DancingDiva 
My completely unprofessional opinion is that you're channelling frustration in other areas of your life to him, as he's the easiest and most convenient target. I'm not saying you don't have valid reasons to be irritated with him, but that's my thought seeing how it's a sudden thing. Personally, when I get that irritated with someone, it's generally because they are somehow reflecting a frustration I have with myself.
great job on 12 days. tell him how you feel pray for him... god bless. it will get better in recovery it always does if you keep working your program
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