desertOwl

I am 31 and started drinking at about 20. I had just returned from serving overseas and had trouble sleeping so I started drinking to help me sleep and deal with the bipolar diagnosis. When I was diagnosed I wanted to kill myself but didn't. For a few years I drank heavily till I decided I had gained too much weight and alcohol wasn't helping. I realize now that's the only reason I stopped then. I stopped drinking for about 2 years and slowly it has crept back up to 2-4 times a week of heavy drinking. It's been my solution to any sort of anxiety. What's worse is the way I have treated my partner of 5 years. I just broke up with her over the weekend. After reading about how addicts often manipulate and treat the ones closest to them like crap I realize I was doing this.

I think I have completely ruined our relationship at this point. Saturday night after the break up I was drinking and don't remember what I said but I know she couldn't take it any more and left. I must have said some pretty horrible things. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way. She won't talk to me at this point.
I can't keep drinking like this. It's ruining my life and turned me into a monster. I drank last night out of loneliness and not knowing how to start recovery. I looked into AA but found it to be too religious? I want to stop but wondering what to do. I'm here though and hoping to find the next step.

Dee74

Hi and welcome DesertOwl

There's a ton of support here - why not check out our Class of April support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2014-a-18.html

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around too, not just AA - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

LBrain

AA is too religious for me too. But that doesn't keep me from going.
Use the support that's out there. And use this forum for support too please.

GotGrace

Welcome desertOwl! There is so much support here. I hope you will stick around!

bigsombrero

Good luck desert owl - you're not alone. Many of us have been in that position where we ruined things with our partners. It can be a real heartbreak to dwell on it.

Many find that instead of focusing on the breakup it's best to focus on getting sober first. One problem at a time here. It's not easy, and yes AA is one option. There are other groups out there as well, including Smart Recovery. We hope to be able to support you as you make progress. Welcome and good luck!

desertOwl

I will. I don't want to live like an alcoholic anymore. Actually, it's not even living.

Thepatman

24/7 you can get support here. Glad to have you with us!

huntingtontx

Welcome Desertowl. The support here is great. The smart thing to do is see a dr and let them know you are quitting so they can help you do it safely. I use this site only and it works for me. I know everyone here has my back, and if I need help, I can post and have people help me right away. The love and support here is awesome. We have meetings Tuesday and Friday at 8 central time. I learn a lot in our meetings. Also we have the 24 hour thread that helps me so much. You pledge each morning not to drink for the next 24 hours. Everyone is different, just letting you know what helped me. Also, when I first got sober I was in the chat room every day. Lots of support, just reach out for what you need. Again Welcome, glad you found us.

Thepatman

Bang on on this one, it's a slow painful death.

But it doesn't have to be this way, we can change our life.

least

I'm glad you joined us. Drinking is no life. I feel like I started to live again after I got sober. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Anna

Welcome, and there are lots of ways to stop drinking, so take a look around.

LBrain

desertOwl, You want to stop. Right? Without having to learn or study up on anything, AA is your best bet. All ya gots to do is show up listen. Introduce yourself etc. Don't get turned off immediately by the religious overtones. Just go and get some foundation for sobriety. Stopping drinking is the easy part. Staying stopped is the catch. That's why AA is so very good for newcomers. Give it a try. In the meantime you can look at other options while you go to some AA. You might even find it appealing to you. But just don't sit around and wait until you find something that you think suits you to reach out. Sound reasonable?

Hevyn

Welcome desertOwl! I'm so glad you reached out for some help and want to change your life. Alcohol turned me into a person I didn't even recognize. It was great to finally be free of it. You can do this.

Rar

Welcome Desertowl.

desertOwl

update*

I made it to 10 days without drinking. Then ended up going to Las Vegas with family and drank both nights I was there. I expected to drink when I knew I was going. But then when I got back I drank for 3 more days. It's been off and on since then. I try to make it as many days as I can without drinking.

Had my yearly check up a few days ago along with blood work. Blood pressure good, cholesterol good, blood sugar good. Liver enzymes elevated and the doc explained that my blood cells where larger? a result of drinking too much. I am 30 and now there is physical proof I am damaging my body. I keep saying it to myself as a reminder. She scheduled a follow up in 3 months with blood work.

I feel determined to improve my results. I am considering doing a juicing cleanse tomorrow but wonder if it's too soon. I did one last year and felt fantastic till I started drinking again. I'll be having a blended juice with beats for sure since they cleanse the liver and blood. I am hoping some other alcoholics here have had experience with juicing and have some input.

Dee74

Welcome back DesertOwl

I appreicate you're focusing on health but juicing won't stop you from wanting to drink again.

You may need to work on your recovery a little more?
Have you any ideas on what you might do in that respect?

D

desertOwl

True.

It seems a lot of folks on here talk about distraction. Distract yourself enough to not focus on wanting to drink. Medication, health and getting back into being an artist is definitely time consuming. The new meds I am on has definitely helped since it has lowered my anxiety and anxiety was one of my primary reasons for drinking.

I am not sure what else I can do besides research more on what can help me really recover.

Dee74

I can share what worked for me.

I needed to make changes in my life. You mentioned you went to Vegas and you knew you'd drink there.

I'd pay more attention to the invites you accept for a while. Getting sober means change.

Supports important too.

Whether it's involving yourself more here, or looking at real life face to face options like AA, SMART recovery, or LifeRing, I think making a regular commitment to talking with other alcoholics and knowing where to go when you need support, is vital.

D