XABF's mom reached out in desperation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
XABF's mom reached out in desperation
Hey all,
I could use a little help and support tonight...
Got a call out of the blue from XABF's mom, who is getting frantic about her son's situation. She just had to ask if I did anything to trigger the latest binge *sigh*; she's sort of half in and half out of denial, wishing there was a reason for his drinking besides the fact that HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC. She wondered when we had last been in contact, etc.
I almost didn't answer the call, but she and I always got along so well, and really respected and loved each other. Also, I do want to know if he dies, or finally goes in for treatment, even though I have moved on in my life. And I am a mom myself, and feel so much compassion for her. I simply cannot imagine watching my child throw away their life. The stories on these boards from parents of addicts are some of the most gut wrenching to read.
At one point, she said, "I'm afraid he'll end up on the streets", and I said, "Maybe that's what he needs to experience in order to seek help." Anyway, I don't think I handled it all that well; we both ended up in tears (not of anger but of sorrow), and I feel drained and sad.
At least I managed to say I will always love them both, and wished her (and him) well.
Thanks for reading, folks. I hope everyone has a peaceful night.
I could use a little help and support tonight...
Got a call out of the blue from XABF's mom, who is getting frantic about her son's situation. She just had to ask if I did anything to trigger the latest binge *sigh*; she's sort of half in and half out of denial, wishing there was a reason for his drinking besides the fact that HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC. She wondered when we had last been in contact, etc.
I almost didn't answer the call, but she and I always got along so well, and really respected and loved each other. Also, I do want to know if he dies, or finally goes in for treatment, even though I have moved on in my life. And I am a mom myself, and feel so much compassion for her. I simply cannot imagine watching my child throw away their life. The stories on these boards from parents of addicts are some of the most gut wrenching to read.
At one point, she said, "I'm afraid he'll end up on the streets", and I said, "Maybe that's what he needs to experience in order to seek help." Anyway, I don't think I handled it all that well; we both ended up in tears (not of anger but of sorrow), and I feel drained and sad.
At least I managed to say I will always love them both, and wished her (and him) well.
Thanks for reading, folks. I hope everyone has a peaceful night.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I am so sorry that you were or felt accused. You've been here for awhile, so I know you know it had nothing to do with you. I do wish your XABF the best, (just like I want the best for you). Sometimes when we get these phone calls I just think that it is another person reaching out and not knowing where to turn to and where to go for help. You were there for her. You gave her a lot that night. She knows that you did truly love her son. She also knows that you can't do anything about his drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by spiderqueen 
we both ended up in tears (not of anger but of sorrow), and I feel drained and sad.
At least I managed to say I will always love them both, and wished her (and him) well.
not only to themselves but also to so many others close to them
from my drinking past years ago
losing many a fine girlfriend due to my drinking
girlfriends that my parents liked a lot
I understand and have seen played out in many families
the pain brought on by the liquid devil
MM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 208
Hey spiderqueen. I really feel for you. A lot of my guilt in no contact comes from feeling bad about taking care of myself and making calls like this one impossible to receive. My situation was a little different from this, as I understand it, and everyone here was saying I need no contact, etc., from the abuse, etc.
I have envisioned such a call from my ex's mom many times. Her mom enables her to the extreme. She provides a safe, calm, serene environment where my ex, a grown woman, can go and drink in secret, stay the night, etc. Her mom is 'aware' but in full denial apparently. I am not expressing myself very well today, but what I'm struck by is how this contact feels so reminiscent of contact from the ex. It's part and parcel. Same delivery.
Maybe there is a silver lining that you got some tears out? But please don't engage like this too much more, for your own good. You are doing so great and are such an inspiration. Just the view from over here....
As for the ending up on the streets...I knew a woman whose son is an alcoholic. He went to one of the finest prep schools in the country, on the football team in high school (which she said fueled a lot of the drinking). Anyway, I don't know all the details, but he became homeless after she kicked him out. She was driving home on Christmas eve and saw him sleeping with no shoes on a park bench. She related to me how hard it was not to go get him, but she didn't. Years later he is recovering, struggling sometimes, but getting a degree.
My urge to be there for my ex was/is so strong, it's a nurturing urge, a hopeful urge. Don't get down on yourself for this incident. Wishing you strength today. We all care for you.
I have envisioned such a call from my ex's mom many times. Her mom enables her to the extreme. She provides a safe, calm, serene environment where my ex, a grown woman, can go and drink in secret, stay the night, etc. Her mom is 'aware' but in full denial apparently. I am not expressing myself very well today, but what I'm struck by is how this contact feels so reminiscent of contact from the ex. It's part and parcel. Same delivery.
Maybe there is a silver lining that you got some tears out? But please don't engage like this too much more, for your own good. You are doing so great and are such an inspiration. Just the view from over here....
As for the ending up on the streets...I knew a woman whose son is an alcoholic. He went to one of the finest prep schools in the country, on the football team in high school (which she said fueled a lot of the drinking). Anyway, I don't know all the details, but he became homeless after she kicked him out. She was driving home on Christmas eve and saw him sleeping with no shoes on a park bench. She related to me how hard it was not to go get him, but she didn't. Years later he is recovering, struggling sometimes, but getting a degree.
My urge to be there for my ex was/is so strong, it's a nurturing urge, a hopeful urge. Don't get down on yourself for this incident. Wishing you strength today. We all care for you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
