BigBobby

Hi guys I am coming up 9 months sober and I am feeling better. I am in AA, have a sponsor and I am doing service. Relationships with my family have improved, health good and I have been back at work since September. My bloods were sky high in the past but my ALT has now reduced from 403 to 16 (normal range)
I have replaced the pub with other activities - growing vegetables and watching my local team play football. My social circle has now changed from the pub to AA fellows.
I am 28 and I had been drinking a lot since 16. I have had no major events in my life and I drank just for effect and when bored.
I think my pattern was very much binge drinking at weekends but for the final few months this also became weekdays and my mental health went downhill. It had got to the stage that the negative effects of drinking had become really bad.
My final drinking session was on a Sunday night last July I was drunk as a skunk and sent a stupid email to my boss telling her I was dying and will not be coming into work and was going to kill myself. The following day everyone was concerned and the police did a welfare check. Eventually I answered my flat door and was taken to casualty. I was only in for a few hours and discharged.
I am feeling 10 times better but that stupid final episode really makes me cringe. I have been doing my steps and have started making amends to my family. I have a 1:1 annual review with my boss coming up soon and I think this is a good time to make amends to her.
I don't know why I still cringe because my boss has said several times I am doing fine back at work: paperwork up to date, helping others, well organised etc. We get on really well together and I am enjoying my job.
At my meeting I am planning to say to her that I cannot change the past but I feel I am making amends to her every day by being sober. I am just a bit nervous saying this to her!
I am sure she has just let it go what had happened as she has her own personal issues going on - 3 young kids, debt issues and a husband who likes a few too many drinks himself!

Ruby2

I think it is great that you want to make amends. Have you talked about this with your sponsor? I would. You could then get his opinion about doing it now, in the context of your performance evaluation and if it is the right time, rehearsing what you plan to say. It is fantastic that you not only have nine months but you also did keep your job and are sensitive to your supervisors personal issues.

LadyBlue0527

Bobby, you're always going to find someone on here who can directly relate. In this case, it's me.

I never had an issue at work, not one verbal or written warning. I brought the company I worked for from 4 to over 60 clients. I was with them for 6 years, the most dedicated and loyal employee that you could ask for. My favorite coworker left for another job and I was devastated because he was one of the few that actually helped me. I knew that all of that work was coming back onto my plate.

I lost it one evening while smashed and sent an email to the President and Vice President of the company (I worked directly with both). I am not going to repeat what was in that email because I'm still embarrassed to this day, but I have moved past it and am over it. On the day of my 6 year anniversary with the company they called me into an office and fired me. There's a lot more to this story and for once I'm not going to write a novel. Just suffice it to say that as wrong as what they did was that it would have never happened if I didn't drink that evening. I gave them what they needed to replace me at a lower rate of pay.

Don't feel bad about thanking her because the outcome could have been much different. It sounds like you have one hell of a boss.

Wastinglife

I also sent a drunken e-mail to a boss after which I was fired. I have many similar cringe-worthy moments I am trying to forget. Unfortunately my memory is working against me. I guess we all need to forgive ourselves in order to move on.

joshlyman

I know how you feel. I still get panic attacks sometimes when I think about how I behaved while I was really drunk or in a black out. Whenever I see someone in person that I know I encountered while in a black out I begin to panic. Figure it's something only time can fix.

SoTM

Just explain what happened...I am sure she has seen the improvement in you and I doubt she thinks about or even remembers what happened.

Congrats on the upcoming 9 month mark, that is great.

kla

My advice is to not only say what you have planned, but also thank your boss for caring enough and taking the time to call the authorities; and if it helped you in anyway, let her know that it helped.

If she feels you appreciate how she reacted, it may ease some of the awkwardness around the situation.

badatbooze

I have tons of cringing memories.

1newcreation

I used to cringe a lot until like resentments realised all it does is take up room w/o payin rent. Also learned that my future has no room for my past coz tryin to move foward while holding on to the past, was literally & figuratively going to tear me apart

KateL

You would be surprised at just how many people are actually proud of you, including people at work. Anyone worth their salt will just be glad to have you back. The cringe factor does go away in time xxxxxxx

DisplacedGRITS

"We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

Part of your path to recovery involved this incident. It happened and nothing will ever change that. The past is the past and the only way you can have any effect on how it continues to impact people is by making amends. That incident helped shape who you are today. It grew you up some and is helping to teach you humility. Her willingness to keep you employed teaches humility and gratitude. The incident, as much as it has embarrassed you, has contributed to your growth in recovery. All you can do is honor the lesson she has taught you by continuing to grow in recovery and take the message of sobriety to the still suffering alcoholic. Good luck!