Plutarchs

99.99% of the time nothing bad happens when I drink. I’ve managed to control my addiction to 3-6 beers a night, no hard alcohol anymore (bad things happen there) and not driving (I’ve already been down that DUI road before). But last night was that .01% again. It was only a matter of time.

Luckily that .01% hasn’t resulted in anyone getting hurt (yet). To recap a few incidents:

- Drove my car off a 150 ft cliff at 2:30 in the morning after 8 hours of drinking - no injuries and I was able to hitch a ride home.
- A DUI at 22 yrs old. Blew a .254
- Hit a guy in the face for no other reason other than he looked at me funny. I thought he wanted to start some Sh&t. I was wrong.

There are more, but I want to get to last night. I was drinking at home with friends and nowhere to go. A buddy had a new car and offered me to take a drive. I drove around the block the first time and enjoyed the ride, so much so that I went around the block a second time and hit a tree. No one got hurt, although the car is a bit banged up. The point is that it could have been worse. What if that tree on the corner was someone walking their dog? Someone on the street to get their mail? Who knows…

What I do know is that this has to stop. That 99.99% needs to be 100%, and the only way for that to happen is if I stop drinking.

I seem to say it every morning, “no more drinking” Then 6 o’clock comes around and amnesia sets in. It’s a vicious cycle that needs to end.

I’ve been to this forum several times to read your words of wisdom. It helps, but I need to take it a step further and get into AA. If I don’t, the next .01% could be the last.

sugarbear1

we had an accident near me recently....two drunks ran into each other, both are not here to talk about it.

I wish you well on your sober journey!!

Discovery14

Welcome Plutarchs.

Lots of wisdom and life experience here on SR. Take some time to read, it will give you some ideas and help you develop a path forward.

MIRecovery

My personal definition of alcoholism is, "Continuing drinking after repeated negative consequences."

It took a lot of pain for me to make it through the doors of AA but once I did recovery started

Mainza

Welcome! I am not able to control my drinking either. I have had some very similar incidents as you and luckily I am still here, alive and free. A common theme you will find on this forum is that alcoholism does get progressively worse! You say how you only have problems .01% of the time but that will soon be 1% of the time, then 5% of the time, then 50% of the time and next thing you know, you will be miserable all the time!

ScottFromWI

Welcome. Sounds like you have the right idea, and today could be the day you turn things around. If you think AA is the route for you as you mention, by all means go to a meeting today. SR is a great place for support too, I find it helpful to come here every day.

The bottom line is that you have 100 % control of what happens going forward if you choose to quit. If you choose to drink, you choose whatever happens after you pick up the first one. People die every day because of that choice...and some take others with them too.

DoubleDragons

My mother is an alcoholic and has caused me and my children a great deal of pain and embarrassment at various family events. I promised my children that they would never have to worry about my behavior at family events, times that were important to them etc. The only way I can fulfill that promise is to never drink again. Because I, like you, cannot control my drinking 100 percent of the time. So the only way to guarantee my promise is to never drink alcohol again.

FreeOwl

I didn't always get into trouble when I drank....

But flip that 99% around and a telling fact happens;

99% of the time I got into trouble, I'd been drinking.

DRINK-TROUBLE

There's a really, really good chance that not drinking will NOT get you into trouble.

Get yourself to a meeting. Today's the day.

Hevyn

Welcome Plutarch! You're wise to be taking a hard look at what alcohol does to you. I'm glad you joined us - this is a great place for talking things over and support.

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you recognize how this disease is able to sneak in and potentially destroy things at any moment.

It's great that you are here and committed to stopping drinking.

EndGameNYC

It's telling that you chose to describe all this in numbers: "only 0.01% of the time." At least numerically, this characterization drastically minimizes the problem. Dangerous, life-changing events simply cannot be reduced to numbers. That would be like concluding that "If I cut down 0.01% on my drinking, I should be able to drink safely." If you killed yourself driving into that tree, the number of your problems would still be extremely low statistically but you'd be dead.

I don't know that people without a drinking problem encounter near-death experiences as often as you have.

Dee74

Welcome aboard Plutarchs

Yeah I have a long list of things I regret, or things that could have gone so dreadfully wrong I'm lucky to be now.

Whether the percentage is 40% 10% 1% or 0.01%? it's still too much

D