Django

Well it seems like I'm not.I don't like posting on here because it makes me feel weak,but that's so condescending its unreal because I am weak.

I won't bore you with a long story (I will really) ,but I thought I was ok.Today though,I get In the car on the way home,and it's an hours drive home but a lot of very nice little pubs on the way.And the amount of fight I had in my head saying do I or don't I,the I do I won of course.But I even said out loud I'm not going to drink a few seconds before,but I couldn't not.

So as I'm in the pub I ring a friend who I know will drink to pick him up (yes drunk driving) on the way back.So 6 pints later (9 for me) I take him home and ive got £60 on me,and whilst in the pub I'm trying to get a same pay day loan for £100 and luckily i don't have my account number.

So I drop him home and figured I've got £60 on me I may as well spend it instead of getting petrol for work,and get a loan tomorrow.

Now I've had a few signs of divine intervention as of late,but this one was different.Ive decided to get some petrol but before putting some in,I've gone to the cash point,where it's eaten my card and I can't do anything about it and cancel my card,which the next card will come in 3 or 4 days.

I'm scared I couldn't fight the urge of Drinking and it's really got hold of me.And Ive had a few things these days that seem as if something is trying to get me to stop drinking,anyone know what that means??

For example:Was going on a date (ex girlfriend) and was going to have a few drinks,she cancels.So I go to the supermarket and get some beer,a few bottles in I realise its non alcoholic.I ask for a lift to the pub and as my dad pulls away from the pub there's a private party going on and it's another30 min walk back.

doggonecarl

Yeah, it means you should stop drinking.

LBrain

Yeah! What Carl said.

Dee74

Hi Django

not sure why posting here would make you feel weak - sounds like your AV has got you tied up pretty good.

I think if you want change you need to make changes Django.

That's probably going to involve some stuff you'd rather not do, whether it's posting here, going to AA or telling your mates you're not going to the pub anymore.

I'm telling you true: the longer you hesitate on biting the bullet on this, the harder it's gonna be for you to quit, and the worse things will get.

It's your call man

D

Hevyn

It's good to see you Django. I'm glad you wanted to talk about this - we're all behind you and want to help.

Django

No need for sarcasm,if it was that easy you wouldn't here either.

Dee74

Django, I think it's best to assume that anyone who posts to you is trying to help.

I know Carl. He puts in a lot of time here and I have no doubt he's trying to help.

It may not be what you want to hear, but it could be what you need to hear.

It's not easy - and noone said that - but in essence, stop drinking is exactly what you have to do, man.

so...have you given any thought yet to how you'll stop drinking and stay stopped?

D

hopefulinAus

There have been times it's felt like the universe is screaming at me to quit. Being stuck behind a bus with a billboard on it about alcohol abuse and the same day seeing a TV ad about what you teach your kids when you abuse alcohol in front of them.

Django

Not meaning to offend anyone Dee,it just came across the wrong way to me.Ive got to try AA,I've tried on my own but every time pay day comes around I'm on a bender which leads to other things.Im not in a good place right now.And I'm sure everyone knows the feeling when your in a bad place you drink because you think it makes you feel better,but it makes you feel worse.Then all the other side affects come,for me it's anxiety and you drink because it makes you feel normal,but it gets worse and worse the more you drink.

I'm not here for sympathy,I'm here for advice.People can be as hard as they like with their posts as it doesn't bother me.But that came across in the wrong way is all I'm saying.No advice in that at all.

GracieLou

Then try it.

I have tried all the tricks to stop and the AA program was the only thing that has worked for me.

I told myself three million times I was going to go straight home and not stop at the bar after work but every single time, there I was and the buzz I got made me forget almost immediately why I even thought of not going. Every single time until the guilt crept in later. Rinse and repeat.

I have been sober a year and I no longer believe in coincidence. I have seen God do for me what I could not do for myself over and over again. I think that was Carl's point.

Sometimes it may be the way we look at things that makes all the difference.

That could be God doing for you, run with it.

nigey1

You mention money a lot tied in with your drinking. Maybe you need to have some time out and have a good hard think about the relationship between money and alcohol.

Get out, do something different and give yourself time to get it straight in your head.

I know I sure had a lot more of it once I quit. And less headaches.

Keep us posted.

lovesymphony

Hi Django. I think it's a good idea to check out AA even though I haven't personally decided to go with the program. It helped me a lot to just hear similar stories like mine, and wise input from experienced members. There were friendly people who let me unload and several ladies who spent quite a bit of time talking with me and offering suggestions outside of the meetings. Coming back to this board through-out the day is very helpful, too. Helps kill the denial that comes with alcoholism.
Wishing you the best

Addi

I would call all those coincidences divine intervention.

Dee74

Fair enough Django.

You can perceive a post anyway you want....but one post on the boards is not your greatest problem right now.... yeah?

My advice is work your way through these links and see whats available or suitable to you in way of support

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3842631
D

doggonecarl

Sarcasm is used to convey insults or scorn. I meant neither. You asked what the "signs" of divine intervention meant. Since they seemed to impede your drinking, I just told you what I thought the signs meant: Time to quit.

Despite what you said later, about coming here for advice, your initial post didn't contain any requests for advice or questions about getting sober. Just the question about the signs.

Believe me, I love giving advice. Too much so, considering most people coming here don't want advice. They want enouragement and support and want to be told things will get better when they are sober. Bless the SR members that provide that support.

I'm not that guy.

There has been plenty advice given, Django. Go back and read your older posts.

So here's my advice, and I'm going to be stright with you here. "Advice" isn't go to get you sober. No one here on this forum is going to get you sober. Only YOU are going to get you sober. And that takes action. Your action.

Are you ready to take accountability for your recovery? You will get the support you need here.