christinastar10

Hello,

I need some advice when it comes to communication with my XABF. We do have a 2 yr old son together and we only talk when it comes to him. But my XABF keeps texting me about 4 to 5 times a day about our son.

Example:

How is he doing?
Give my son a kiss for me.
Tell him I said good night.
Tell him I miss him.
Can u send me a picture

My XABF only sees him once or twice a week. I don't like texting my XABF because it can escalate to something unnecessary very quickly. Or is this his way of "hooking" me? We use to text like this when we were together and I think that is why I'm soo confused.

Help!

CAPTAINZING2000

You can ignore it. What he's doing is childish. When your son gets older you can let him talk to his dad. Have you got something written up on visitation etc. ?

christinastar10

Hello,

No we have nothing in writing. Court is not until May. But my XABF only sees our son when he is not busy and honestly he is seeing him less and less.

Plus I found out he lost all his money over the weekend and is drinking again. I'm guessing he is feeling a certain type of way right now.

robgt350

ya maybe he is using this in a way hoping to get back with you or evern back at you. i would start responding slower and slower in hopes of sending a message. and when you do talk to him, keep it only centered on your child. and nothing else

lillamy

Do you have a lawyer? Could you get a temporary agreement in place?

christinastar10

Hello,

His way of thinking is different. Who knows what his intentions are. I doubt he wants to work things out right now since He has a new 'friend' that he is hanging around with. He will be 31 and he just turned 22.

No, I don't have a lawyer.

robgt350

well what ever the case is,, i wish you luck. sounds like you have your plans made. and that is good

lillamy

I don't know what your situation is like, but you could call a women's shelter and see if they know of any lawyers that take on cases for free? It doesn't sound like your AXBF is very mature, and a lawyer could help you protect your son so that your AXBF doesn't get visitation rights without someone else supervising...

christinastar10

Hello Lillamy,

He's not mature at all. I'll look into the women's shelter. That would help me out a lot.

theuncertainty

Only 2 of these are questions, which might merit a response. No response is needed at all if there is no question asked.

You can also set a schedule for, maybe not his calling or texts (because he may not abide by it), but a schedule for you to respond to any valid questions he may have about DS. Which would be along the lines of: His doctor's appointment is XX/XX/XXXX at ## pm.

I felt uncomfortable ignoring the texts from AXH asking how DS was, so I ended responding one last time with: DS is fine. I will contact you if DS becomes ill or if there is a medical emergency. And from that point started ignoring the rest of the "How's my boy?" texts.

About the time AXH (temporarily) lost his visitation rights, he asked if he could call DS. I said yes. I can make sure DS is available for calls on DAY at TIME. And I made sure it was a time I could honor without disrupting my schedule.

christinastar10

Hello uncertainty,

I replied this time and said A is doing good today. I did say I would call him if something came up that he needed to know.
He text me back with: I know he's fine but I like to know what he is doing. It's hard not seeing A all the time. I miss him! I didn't respond to that. I don't feel.sorry for him. He chooses to put sports and anything else before our son.

theuncertainty

I get that completely. Before we had a visitation schedule in place, AXH would say he was going to pick up DS, but then decide to sleep or go to a rugby game, but wouldn't call to say he wasn't coming until the end of the day, if he called at all. I'd sometimes only know he was at a game if a friend called to tell me they saw him there. He's an -ss. *shrug* But it killed me to see how much it hurt DS when he no-showed.

AXH would pull the same thing on the texts... I just miss him. Well, he's an adult, at least age-wise, he knew what he needed to do to see DS. It wasn't my job to provide hourly reports. Truthfully, I tried to at first. Not hourly, but often. But it's tiring and not my job. Much easier to deal with setting a schedule for both the visits and calls/texts.

christinastar10

Uncertainly,

We have a schedule now. But I see it as he is my baby sitter once or twice a week. As soon as I'm off work I have to pick up A since he has game or practice.

It breaks my heart since our son is only 2 and doesn't understand much what is going on. I just don't say anything to my xabf anymore. He claims he has his addiction under control one day and the next he has no self control. I just pray that everything will turn out for the best.

theuncertainty

It's hard. DS was 2 1/2-3 when I left AXH. He's 9 now. It does get easier to filter out the quacking. I didn't believe it would, but it does. (((hugs)))