Confusedfor3

Please help. My BF doesn't think I know he uses..problem is I am not sure what it is and he has never told me he has had a problem. But I know by his actions, needing money in the middle of the night, constant in and out of the house in the middle of the night and his 'friendship' with a dealer, not to mention money that comes up missing. All signs point to one thing, that he has an issue but has never mentioned it or even hinted this to me. I have just slowly put the pieces together. I am not sure what to do, I know his mother knows about it though as she has made vague comments to me and I even over heard her telling him he need rehab. It has become so life consuming for him, and exausting for me. We also have a baby together so for the sake of him, who i love, and my son...I have to confront this situation he thinks I know nothing of. But what do I do? Should I call his mom and see what she says..or just confront him. I know he will just try to lie his way out of it though. I am the only one that is good in his life and dont want to jeapordize our relationship by breaking his trust going to his mother..but I dont know what else to do!!! Please, Any advice??

FeelingGreat

Hi Confused, you might as well just ask him. Tell him you know anyway, but you'd like more details. Just don't think that talking about it will necessarily help him or get him to stop.
Can I suggest you attend Nar-Anon, which is for friends and family of addicts? Many of the F&F on SR say it's saved their lives. There's also a lot of information online, including on SR in the 'stickies' at the top of the F&F forums.
On the practical side, for your own sake try and make sure you have access to your own money. This will give you some control if everything goes pear-shaped as it tends to with addicts.

Confusedfor3

Thank you so much for the reply. I think the first step I will take is to ask him. I know hes going to lie though. He is a good manipulator too. I just see how bad this is getting and he has almost lost his job numerous times and I have had to get him out of it by lending him money to cover his butt. I know I probably shouldn't but him losing his job would affect more than just him. I am so lost. I hate seeing this..as I look back on the past 2 years of me knowing him I realize I may not really know him at all. It took a while for me to get out of my denial to accept the reality. His Money and things like it, are always 'lost' or 'stolen by someone' and then he comes to me needing help. But I know where the money is really going. I don't understand why he thinks I dont know..he can't really believe that. I have made comments about 'why do you look weird'..and 'are you high' and 'youre up to something'..but I know he will just try to deny it if I ask. I am so torn about talking to his mom, but I dont know that she wont tell him..but latley I feel like that may be the only choice in the end.

TigerLili

Wow what a tough situation. I have no advice but I know you are in the right place to get help. THere is also a 'friends and family' thread on this site where you might get some more input too. Here is the link.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

least

I hope you can come to a point where you are both honest with each other. If he's using tho, he's going to protect his addiction. That's just what an addict does. Start by talking to him. But what will you and your baby do if he refuses to get help? Might be time to consider why you're in this relationship and what you will tolerate from him.