Simple things!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Simple things!
So separated AH emailed me today that his cell phone is disconnected/suspended for non payment. He wasnt asking for $ or anything, he was just telling me because he usually texts when hes on the way to pick up kids, etc...Its so annoying. I have hard times too financially but Its amazing to me how a grown man with children thinks its ok to have no phone for practical reasons. Oh, and he can always find money to drink!
Then all of a sudden I realized how much progress I am making...before I would have went to go pay it for him and chalk it up to for the kids, etc...but today I just realized if he isnt adult enough to make sure thats taken care of, who cares. Probably a blessing in disguise so we have less contact.
I am making progress and can see I am less and less codie with each day and new situation that presents itself...
Then all of a sudden I realized how much progress I am making...before I would have went to go pay it for him and chalk it up to for the kids, etc...but today I just realized if he isnt adult enough to make sure thats taken care of, who cares. Probably a blessing in disguise so we have less contact.
I am making progress and can see I am less and less codie with each day and new situation that presents itself...
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Stand up and take a bow!!! It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?
I love your choice of thread titles. My "simple thing" was being able to sleep with a fan on. The point when I realized i didn't need to hear my husbands every movement throughout the night (we were sleeping in separate rooms) was when I realized I was going to get better. The simple white noise of that fan signified a whole new future for me.
I love your choice of thread titles. My "simple thing" was being able to sleep with a fan on. The point when I realized i didn't need to hear my husbands every movement throughout the night (we were sleeping in separate rooms) was when I realized I was going to get better. The simple white noise of that fan signified a whole new future for me.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midland, MI
Posts: 159
I'm so happy to hear your first instinct was NOT to pay for it.
Yesterday I was faced with a very similar situation.
I had moved into my XABF's house with him because he was literally mere days away from having his water and electricity shut off for non-payment, and was weeks away from having his house go into foreclosure. I was living with a roommate, and even though my alarm bells were going off I thought that I could move in and we could consolidate our money and "Save" him from certain doom. He didn't have a job at the time, but had been looking.
I spent over $2000 getting his bills caught up and took over everything - and felt like a hero! His dad tearfully told me over Thanksgiving "Thank you for saving my son."
Immediately after he found a good paying job...and things were OK....until the drinking got worse.
Then I found I was responsible for ALL of the bills, groceries, toiletries, etc. The only thing he was responsible for were his phone and the mortgage payment, which I paid a third of (on top of all of the other bills). Everything was caught up and current except the electric bill when I left...he had paperless billing and even though I asked every week for him to tell me how much the bill was, he never did, so I never knew what to pay.
When I moved out I gave him my third of the mortgage and money to pay the fee to keep his electric from being turned off. I felt it was the responsible thing to do, since I had used the electric and lived there.
Nearly 4 weeks later and now his cable has been shut off for non-payment, he says the electric is about to be shut off, and his mortgage company sent him a letter he's afraid to open (which tells me that he didn't pay that, either). I was so floored...after all of my hard work to help him get back on track and he IMMEDIATELY went back to where he was 6 months ago - except now he actually has a JOB.
I told him I was sorry he's having such difficulties and left it at that. I'm not going to help him again...since the money I gave him a month ago OBVIOUSLY went towards drinking and not the bills they were intended for. The shift I feel is amazing!
Yesterday I was faced with a very similar situation.
I had moved into my XABF's house with him because he was literally mere days away from having his water and electricity shut off for non-payment, and was weeks away from having his house go into foreclosure. I was living with a roommate, and even though my alarm bells were going off I thought that I could move in and we could consolidate our money and "Save" him from certain doom. He didn't have a job at the time, but had been looking.
I spent over $2000 getting his bills caught up and took over everything - and felt like a hero! His dad tearfully told me over Thanksgiving "Thank you for saving my son."
Immediately after he found a good paying job...and things were OK....until the drinking got worse.
Then I found I was responsible for ALL of the bills, groceries, toiletries, etc. The only thing he was responsible for were his phone and the mortgage payment, which I paid a third of (on top of all of the other bills). Everything was caught up and current except the electric bill when I left...he had paperless billing and even though I asked every week for him to tell me how much the bill was, he never did, so I never knew what to pay.
When I moved out I gave him my third of the mortgage and money to pay the fee to keep his electric from being turned off. I felt it was the responsible thing to do, since I had used the electric and lived there.
Nearly 4 weeks later and now his cable has been shut off for non-payment, he says the electric is about to be shut off, and his mortgage company sent him a letter he's afraid to open (which tells me that he didn't pay that, either). I was so floored...after all of my hard work to help him get back on track and he IMMEDIATELY went back to where he was 6 months ago - except now he actually has a JOB.
I told him I was sorry he's having such difficulties and left it at that. I'm not going to help him again...since the money I gave him a month ago OBVIOUSLY went towards drinking and not the bills they were intended for. The shift I feel is amazing!
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