hopeful8

I have been drinking since I was fifteen. I am 28 years old now. A wife and a mother of two gorgeous girls. I am not an everyday drinker or even an every weekend drinker. But when I drink, I binge. And I drink with the purpose of blacking out and numbing myself. I have a huge problem with and anxiety and in a lot of ways, drinking was my way to relax. Only to experience more anxiety and depression the next day. i thought a had a handle on my drinking, but i dont. I am fully commited to quit because "I'm over it." I want a better life for me. I want to feel good about myself. I want to lose weight and feel pretty again. How do I avoid gatherings where there will be drinking. All my friends drink, some drink too much. How can I explain to them that I am no longer drinking?

diffingo911

Hi, hopeful8 - I just say "I'm a Pig and Make Myself Sick"...Maybe that's more like a
"Guy Thing" way to explain things though...HA!

Aarryckha

Just be honest about it. If you're early in your sobriety, you might want to avoid gatherings for a bit. You can just say "I'm choosing not to drink. I'm trying to take care of myself."

hopeful8

I agree... I need to stay away for a while! Then maybe later I will be able to cope with being around people who drink........

Hearts

I also have anxiety issues and I started just hanging out with people one-on-one instead of groups. You should probably do the same since you're beginning your journey. You could say you quit because you don't want to black out any more. Or, that you want to lose weight (I've actually used that one A LOT. It's a great one.). I had to go to a work party a couple of weeks ago and when a lady asked me what I wanted to drink, I requested water. She gave me this disgusted look, ACTUALLY SAID, 'WHATEVER' and waved me at the water bottles. If you really pay attention to some peoples reaction you start realizing how bizarre it is that you drinking matters to them so much.

ontherightpath

Congrats on your decision. Telling your friends and family doesnt need to be complicated. Cover with a dieting or health change if you need to. They dont live in your personal world, nor do they suffer your personal h*ll. This may very well be the biggest decision you ever make. Dont take it lightly. This disease will kill us! Its just a matter of time! If they push for an explanation, tell them the truth. They will respect you! Good luck!

ontherightpath

It has also been my personal experience over the course of the last 1.5 years that the people that i drank the most with were the ones who didnt care for my attempt at recovery. They were/are as sick as me, and they feel more comfortable keeping me sick. i had to re evaluate many close friendships, or what i thought were friendships. my true friends have my back and dont need an explanation. They see the pain that I put myself through when i was drinking daily, and now when i slip up. Nothing needs to be said, they just know. And that is great comfort for me. I only got "there" because I was honest with them and exposed my secrets, but chances are, your friends know whats going on. We think we are so good at hiding it, but we really arent. lol

kiki1988

Hi hopeful,

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I live far away from home and I told a friend back home the other night that when we meet up this summer it might have to be for tea and biscuits instead of pints and shots.

His reaction cheered me up so much - he said "Kiki, some of the best laughs you and me have had have been sitting down talking ****, in the back of the car on the way somewhere or out in the sea on a kayak - no big deal if you are not drinking"

On the flipside, I texted a big drinking buddy of mine who I also have a massive crush on and told him I was going to an AA meeting. He replied: "Lol"

So you can tell which friend has my back.

I worry about this too. My best friends are getting married in May and I never imagined I would find myself in a situation where I can't have a glass of champagne at their wedding (and the wolf in the back of my mind says 'of course you can Kiki, it's a special occasion') and all kinds of other day-to-day events that revolve around alcohol.

It isn't going to be easy I guess.

CMack

I am the same style.....I can go a few weeks with social normal drinking too. And then out of nowhere....2 or 3 days in a row of random benders. Blacking out, losing friends, God forbid I get in a care.....

It is tough facing a world so congratulatory in regards to alcohol, but, those whom care about you the most are the ones that are put off the least. Good friends must congratulate you for your achievement to better yourself.

THis is all so much easier said than done. Im right there with you and so is the rest of us.

1newcreation

Wouldn't explain to anyone I've quit..@ least not immediate family coz they'll be watchin very closely to see if will stumble
Just say its a personal decision & making some changes bout myself

kiki1988

I told my family and several friends; it was a risk because now they all know I have admitted I have a problem so if I go back to drinking they will know I have failed... but... I think it was an important step to take because by saying it out loud to people that I care about, I made it real, you know?

But for more casual acquaintances, I'll be making a variety of random excuses like 'I'm trying to lose weight'

Mags1

Hi hopeful8, I didn't get into situations where I was around drink when I first stopped drinking.. At Christmas we went to a do and most were drinking but no questions were asked when I ordered tonic water.

Be sure of yourself and have an answer ready and a choice of drink. I had my excuses when I first stopped but didn't have to use them. Just be armed with what you want to do and what you want to drink and it will happen.

Treerat66

I love you guys.

Saturday evening I was sitting with four none drinkers and one drinker, having a laugh. We were joined by a couple who started drinking red wine. After the male had consumed several glasses he said words to the effect that 'non-drinkers weren't men'.

I'm secure enough for this comment not to upset me but it has been replaying in my mind. I've come to the conclusion that the comment came from his AV, sober he has more respect for others.

KateL

When I did begin to return to social gatherings, I used to say something like, 'drink doesn't seem to agree with me any more' well it wasn't really a lie anyway and people could take from that what they wanted. They rarely questioned me further. xxxx

Paul123456

just wanted to say hi hopeful8 and that I know only too well the effects of anxiety and drinking to numb to pain, glad you found us!

Notmyrealname

It is worth losing some relatively unimportant social experiences when the payoff is good health, renewed self-esteem, better relationships with family, and not generally feeling like a drunken !@#$ole all the time. It might not seem like it at first glance, but that is a trade-off I would make again in a second. Is my social life better, not being a drunk? Probably not.

Is my life better?

YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.