Loosing my mind
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 53
Loosing my mind
I am really loosing it today I am so obsessed with my husband and his using I pace I chain smoke I look out the window I search phone bills I dig through his stuff I search the car I am loosing my mind I can't beleive I am this bad I am neglecting myself and this is taking me down he will never stop I can't get it through my head I search and seek answers that I already know !! Why?!?! I am so stuck in this obsessive state if mind I am on a freight train I can't beleive he is still doing this how can I realize that this is my life and when will I feel better I try to stop I try to be strong but this is killing me slowly !! all my resentment and pain doesn't go away and I am having a real hard time coping today ..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
I'm sorry you're having a tough day. I've been there too.
It's always helped me to find distractions.
-Call a friend and talk about anything but me/him
-Vigorous exercise
-Clean my house
-Take a nap
-Find a good book
,Go to an alanon meeting. It always helps me to be among others who understand.
You can't control him, but you can control you. Be proactive.
Hugs!
It's always helped me to find distractions.
-Call a friend and talk about anything but me/him
-Vigorous exercise
-Clean my house
-Take a nap
-Find a good book
,Go to an alanon meeting. It always helps me to be among others who understand.
You can't control him, but you can control you. Be proactive.
Hugs!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
you have taken the first step - you have reached out for help
please don't stop there ~ keep reaching out ~
remember those wise words. . .
"if you want something different, you have to be willing to DO something different"
Breathe in, breathe out and remember
"Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do" ODAT in Al-Anon pg 234
what can you do today to help you feel more at peace with YOU
YOU deserve that!
pink hugs,
please don't stop there ~ keep reaching out ~
remember those wise words. . .
"if you want something different, you have to be willing to DO something different"
Breathe in, breathe out and remember
"Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do" ODAT in Al-Anon pg 234
what can you do today to help you feel more at peace with YOU
YOU deserve that!
pink hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I have been down this road many times. Step off the crazy train. It is just what you said, you don't need verification of what you already know, trust your gut, if it tells you something is off, it likely is.
Wow...I usto hunt through the garage, the car, all over. I usto kiss him to smell his breath, I still check the bank account to look at debits (this is for my own sanity so I know what I am dealing with). All of it made me feel completely bat$hit CRAZY.
This is very bad for you and your own health. Find an Alanon or Celebrate Recovery and go!
Wow...I usto hunt through the garage, the car, all over. I usto kiss him to smell his breath, I still check the bank account to look at debits (this is for my own sanity so I know what I am dealing with). All of it made me feel completely bat$hit CRAZY.
This is very bad for you and your own health. Find an Alanon or Celebrate Recovery and go!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
I used to do all of the above and then some to try and figure out AXBF's behavior. It's crazy the lengths we will resort to and I'm glad I found SR when I did. Through al anon and SR I learned to detach, stop reacting and start taking care if me again. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself. I know how powerful those obsessive thoughts are and how they can consume you. I read an excellent book called "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person." We become as addicted to the addict as the addict becomes addicted to his or her drug (s) of choice. Keep coming here and posting. Lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
ugg - been there - to the point of my first anxiety attack.
I hope you can hang out with a friend, dive into a NON alcoholism related book, get to a yoga class, take the dog on a long walk, go fish, buy some shoes, or do some house cleaning today to get your mind off of it. Deep breaths - it helps!
It's as hard for us to stop our madness as it is for them to stop theirs. (((HUGS)))
I hope you can hang out with a friend, dive into a NON alcoholism related book, get to a yoga class, take the dog on a long walk, go fish, buy some shoes, or do some house cleaning today to get your mind off of it. Deep breaths - it helps!
It's as hard for us to stop our madness as it is for them to stop theirs. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 93
Hugs to you! We have ALL been there! I really have to stop myself and ask, "What the *** am I doing??" The phrase LET GO and LET GOD have really helped me during those crazy moments.
Peace to you....
Peace to you....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 135
i hope im not going to offend anyone by making this my first post on the forum.. ive been reading myself into a stupor for weeks now, gathered the courage to join y/day and this post is me today too. I am going crazy, i am making myself ill... i feel like a hamster and her wheel, round and round and round we go. I KNOW he is lying to me, i KNOW my gut feelings are usually right when i suspect hes high.. yet he makes me believe IM the one who is crazy and imagining things. Im sick and tired of ALL my headspace being taken up by him, when me and the kids only take a tiny proportion of HIS headspace. I read "codependent no more" but, as ive lost faith along with hope, im stuck at step 2 already, i try to detach, detach, detach but that just makes me turn off all feelings. My head just goes round and round in circles, i look for proof, i find the proof, he denies it.. i doubt what ive seen with my own eyes and here we are again.
Im a mess, i already have complex ptsd from an abusive marriage and then i fell into this one... reading the book, that is classic codependent behaviour as well.
Unfortunately, here in the uk alanon meetings (although AH is not an alcoholic but substance addict) are far and few between and it would require me leaving at a time when we have dinner and the kids in the house on their own. I have no close friends i could ask to come over, so i'm pretty much stuck with reading, reading, reading and trying to figure this out on my own.
sorry OP, i dont mean to hijack your thread at all.. but i can relate to your situation and i know where you are at..
Im a mess, i already have complex ptsd from an abusive marriage and then i fell into this one... reading the book, that is classic codependent behaviour as well.
Unfortunately, here in the uk alanon meetings (although AH is not an alcoholic but substance addict) are far and few between and it would require me leaving at a time when we have dinner and the kids in the house on their own. I have no close friends i could ask to come over, so i'm pretty much stuck with reading, reading, reading and trying to figure this out on my own.
sorry OP, i dont mean to hijack your thread at all.. but i can relate to your situation and i know where you are at..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Muskegon, Michigan
Posts: 131
I know what you are going through Hun. I find myself with obsessive thoughts about my XABF and his current drinking patterns. Wondering how far off the deep end he has gone, staring at his facebook page for yet another confirmation that his moods are swinging that extreme pendulum. Seeing pictures of a new gun he just bought and lyrics to crazy ass songs.
It is crazy making, yet obsessive. I understand. Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I ended up staying home from work. I slept a lot to get my mind to stop and when I woke up, I met with some girlfriends until my kids got home.
For me, the worst times are when I am alone. And Not EVERY day is a bad day. Today is a better day. Though I still obsess, not as much as yesterday.
I do have faith that as time passes, it will get better, but I am no longer confronted with the situation daily anymore.
Alanon is something that could suppport you and give you what you need to take the next step. They will take it with you my dear. Let them help you.
Don't do this alone. Alone seems impossible. Together you can take baby steps.
Don't give up darling.
hugs
xoxo
It is crazy making, yet obsessive. I understand. Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I ended up staying home from work. I slept a lot to get my mind to stop and when I woke up, I met with some girlfriends until my kids got home.
For me, the worst times are when I am alone. And Not EVERY day is a bad day. Today is a better day. Though I still obsess, not as much as yesterday.
I do have faith that as time passes, it will get better, but I am no longer confronted with the situation daily anymore.
Alanon is something that could suppport you and give you what you need to take the next step. They will take it with you my dear. Let them help you.
Don't do this alone. Alone seems impossible. Together you can take baby steps.
Don't give up darling.
hugs
xoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by L0stH0pe 
i hope im not going to offend anyone by making this my first post on the forum.. ive been reading myself into a stupor for weeks now, gathered the courage to join y/day and this post is me today too. I am going crazy, i am making myself ill... i feel like a hamster and her wheel, round and round and round we go. I KNOW he is lying to me, i KNOW my gut feelings are usually right when i suspect hes high.. yet he makes me believe IM the one who is crazy and imagining things. Im sick and tired of ALL my headspace being taken up by him, when me and the kids only take a tiny proportion of HIS headspace. I read "codependent no more" but, as ive lost faith along with hope, im stuck at step 2 already, i try to detach, detach, detach but that just makes me turn off all feelings. My head just goes round and round in circles, i look for proof, i find the proof, he denies it.. i doubt what ive seen with my own eyes and here we are again.
Im a mess, i already have complex ptsd from an abusive marriage and then i fell into this one... reading the book, that is classic codependent behaviour as well.
Unfortunately, here in the uk alanon meetings (although AH is not an alcoholic but substance addict) are far and few between and it would require me leaving at a time when we have dinner and the kids in the house on their own. I have no close friends i could ask to come over, so i'm pretty much stuck with reading, reading, reading and trying to figure this out on my own.
sorry OP, i dont mean to hijack your thread at all.. but i can relate to your situation and i know where you are at..
Im a mess, i already have complex ptsd from an abusive marriage and then i fell into this one... reading the book, that is classic codependent behaviour as well.
Unfortunately, here in the uk alanon meetings (although AH is not an alcoholic but substance addict) are far and few between and it would require me leaving at a time when we have dinner and the kids in the house on their own. I have no close friends i could ask to come over, so i'm pretty much stuck with reading, reading, reading and trying to figure this out on my own.
sorry OP, i dont mean to hijack your thread at all.. but i can relate to your situation and i know where you are at..
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 368
Originally Posted by L0stH0pe
but, as ive lost faith along with hope, im stuck at step 2 already..
I haven't worked through this, yet, but I have found it helpful to let myself feel what I feel and to focus on step one, thoroughly. I figure that's enough for now until I am ready to or I find a way to believe help will come.
Focussing on step one and letting go of worrying about step 2 has brought so much benefit. I have been listing all the ways my life has been insane due to my reactions and expectations and thought processes. Doing that has allowed me to change some of them.
So maybe, for both the posters, you might also find it helpful to let go of the things outside of yourself and just focus on learning what is within your sphere of influence. There is probably plenty there distract you and maybe find some peace in that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 135
thank you for the kind words @openmind121 
im trying hard to reclaim some headspace!! he dictates so much of my life, time to grab some back i think. I never even thought of youtube, there is so much to read (forums, blogs, articles, communities, facebook etc etc) that i had completely overlooked that one.. i have found some podcasts and am looking in the iUniversity for some of the free psychology courses as well.
It sucks, i didnt sign up for this.. yet here i am, expected to give more, more, more and im at a point where im thinking "screw you!!! you CHOOSE to do this stuff, you choose to lie, cheat, deceive and then have the gumption to hide behind "i cant help it its a disease" argh ive moved on to being angry from my earlier insanity and im not sure which one is worse @_@ i go to and fro between the hopeless, crazy, spitting angry, get so exhausted i simply crash.. and when i wake up, i hop straight back onto my little hamster wheel.
It IS comforting to know that others are out there who know what i mean, who "get" ME and where its not about him and his recovery and having patience with him and empathy and sympathy and whatever else they ask of me... i just havent got anything left to give at the minute. YOU give me something for a change.. oh wait, that goes against your selfish nature..err disease.
Add frustration to that mixed bag of emotions... i dont even know if i want to save this marriage cos ive put in so much hard work, im just all worked out and why should i have to work even more?? let him do some for a change... lol i didnt realise how good it would feel to vent all of this!
Am i the only one who goes through emotions like a rollercoaster ride?
And again, thank you so so much for those kind words, it was what i needed i think.. someone stretching a hand across a very far distance and still being able to reach me, maybe there is a glimmer of hope after all.
im trying hard to reclaim some headspace!! he dictates so much of my life, time to grab some back i think. I never even thought of youtube, there is so much to read (forums, blogs, articles, communities, facebook etc etc) that i had completely overlooked that one.. i have found some podcasts and am looking in the iUniversity for some of the free psychology courses as well. It sucks, i didnt sign up for this.. yet here i am, expected to give more, more, more and im at a point where im thinking "screw you!!! you CHOOSE to do this stuff, you choose to lie, cheat, deceive and then have the gumption to hide behind "i cant help it its a disease" argh ive moved on to being angry from my earlier insanity and im not sure which one is worse @_@ i go to and fro between the hopeless, crazy, spitting angry, get so exhausted i simply crash.. and when i wake up, i hop straight back onto my little hamster wheel.
It IS comforting to know that others are out there who know what i mean, who "get" ME and where its not about him and his recovery and having patience with him and empathy and sympathy and whatever else they ask of me... i just havent got anything left to give at the minute. YOU give me something for a change.. oh wait, that goes against your selfish nature..err disease.
Add frustration to that mixed bag of emotions... i dont even know if i want to save this marriage cos ive put in so much hard work, im just all worked out and why should i have to work even more?? let him do some for a change... lol i didnt realise how good it would feel to vent all of this!
Am i the only one who goes through emotions like a rollercoaster ride?
And again, thank you so so much for those kind words, it was what i needed i think.. someone stretching a hand across a very far distance and still being able to reach me, maybe there is a glimmer of hope after all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by L0stH0pe
Unfortunately, here in the uk alanon meetings (although AH is not an alcoholic but substance addict) are far and few between and it would require me leaving at a time when we have dinner and the kids in the house on their own. I have no close friends i could ask to come over, so i'm pretty much stuck with reading, reading, reading and trying to figure this out on my own.
Alanon also has phone and online meetings, found here http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/electronic-meetings if there truly is nothing in-person that you can attend. You can look into Alanon literature either at your local library or by checking Amazon (just search "Alanon literature"). Many of the books at Amazon are available used so you can save $$ if that's an issue.
Reaching out for help is such an important part of your OWN recovery, but yet so hard for so many of us to do....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 135
thank you @honeypig, i did speak with the alanon helpline (i said earlier ah is not an alcoholic but i guess that is not true, just that i dont think much of his 18 cans a night anymore @_@) .. my local meeting only runs every other tuesday at 7.30pm, the next one closest to me would be a 40 mile round trip, so not really doable moneywise. I dont know that i could cope with groups anyway.. my own issues sort of complicate things for me and get in my way as well. I do feel like im hijacking this thread now.. im so sorry i really didnt mean it to go this way 
thank you for the friend request openmind, i *think* i have added you
how are things with you now, feeling any better?? i have decided im stepping off this damned hamster wheel for a little while, i just cant do it anymore..if hes going to get high/drunk there isnt a single solitary thing i can do about it, he lied to my face again earlier saying he didnt have any gear when i saw it and i know hes got it.. but whats the point in argueing, ill just exhaust myself.
thank you for the friend request openmind, i *think* i have added you
how are things with you now, feeling any better?? i have decided im stepping off this damned hamster wheel for a little while, i just cant do it anymore..if hes going to get high/drunk there isnt a single solitary thing i can do about it, he lied to my face again earlier saying he didnt have any gear when i saw it and i know hes got it.. but whats the point in argueing, ill just exhaust myself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Lakeland,Fl
Posts: 36
You are not alone,,I do all the same things and then some.Its crazy that I have to prove to myself that my AW is up to no good.I know she is drunk but just cause she says she hasn't been drinking I have to find the evidence.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 153
I can so relate to this...obsessing about AH. Proving he was drinking, and most of all worrying about whether he was drinking and the ride home. The anxiety would start about 10 minutes before he was done work and would continue until he got home. During that 40 minutes or so it was all I could think about. I would check his location obsessively (on iPhone) and wonder if he was going to get in a accident or get pulled over. Then when he'd get home I'd be on eggshells worrying about how the evening would go...what mood I'd be dealing with. Then I'd usually retreat to my bedroom. I had to stop tying my happiness to his drinking.
This has slowly improved for me since the separation. Last night I noted the time at one point then didn't even think about it until my daughter brought the phone to me. He had called and I realized he made it to his location without me thinking about it.
It's all so crazy. I felt it was killing me slowly also. I can't encourage you enough to get off the crazy train
Lost hope- I'm sorry for what you are going through also. It's so frustrating to be made to feel like the crazy one when in your gut you know the truth. It helps so much to read here and realize how common this type of behavior is for addicts and how many people are going through it. The support and knowledge will help!
This has slowly improved for me since the separation. Last night I noted the time at one point then didn't even think about it until my daughter brought the phone to me. He had called and I realized he made it to his location without me thinking about it.
It's all so crazy. I felt it was killing me slowly also. I can't encourage you enough to get off the crazy train
Lost hope- I'm sorry for what you are going through also. It's so frustrating to be made to feel like the crazy one when in your gut you know the truth. It helps so much to read here and realize how common this type of behavior is for addicts and how many people are going through it. The support and knowledge will help!
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