Boyfriend beginning recovery
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
Boyfriend beginning recovery
I'm new here and have been very thankful to find this site.
Currently, my boyfriend of six years has been getting serious about recovery. The alcoholism snuck up on us within the last 2-3 years, but he finally admitted he has a serious problem within the last couple of months and has been going to AA once a week and seeing an alcohol counselor once a week as well. It was very hard for him to admit he had a problem because he hasn't suffered serious consequences from his problem and was reluctant to call himself an alcoholic. He doesn't go on binges, it doesn't affect his work, he's never been arrested or had a DUI, and overall he's very easy-going and happy when he's drinking. However, he does drink by himself and drinks in secret. I will find an entire drawer in the house of empty liquor bottles and he will lie to me about them. Always trying to convice me it's an old bottle. Our trust over the last year has been completely broken and it's an awful feeling. He was not very open to the idea of giving up drinking all together, but after seeing his counselor he decided to give it a go.
These past couple of weeks have been very difficult on our relationship, it seems almost more difficult than before he was getting help. He's had a very hard time not drinking and will go about a week before buying gin or vodka and chugging it in secret. I've told him I love him and I know it's difficult for him, but he needs to tell me the truth, but he continues to lie to me when he drinks. I thought we were getting somewhere when he told his parents about his drinking problem (His dad is a recovered alcoholic and has been sober for almost 30 years), but that night after we left he went to the store and bought gin and then got mad at me, lying about it when I asked. I want to be there for him and support him through this, but I also don't want to stand by as our relationship is destroyed by his drinking. I go back and forth because I love him so much and we always planned on getting married in the future. I know no one can predict the future, but I need to know if it will get easier and if these bad times will pass. I've been thinking about going to al anon or getting some counseling. He's been an emotional wreck lately because he sees the effect that his drinking has on me and he's afraid he's losing me.
Currently, my boyfriend of six years has been getting serious about recovery. The alcoholism snuck up on us within the last 2-3 years, but he finally admitted he has a serious problem within the last couple of months and has been going to AA once a week and seeing an alcohol counselor once a week as well. It was very hard for him to admit he had a problem because he hasn't suffered serious consequences from his problem and was reluctant to call himself an alcoholic. He doesn't go on binges, it doesn't affect his work, he's never been arrested or had a DUI, and overall he's very easy-going and happy when he's drinking. However, he does drink by himself and drinks in secret. I will find an entire drawer in the house of empty liquor bottles and he will lie to me about them. Always trying to convice me it's an old bottle. Our trust over the last year has been completely broken and it's an awful feeling. He was not very open to the idea of giving up drinking all together, but after seeing his counselor he decided to give it a go.
These past couple of weeks have been very difficult on our relationship, it seems almost more difficult than before he was getting help. He's had a very hard time not drinking and will go about a week before buying gin or vodka and chugging it in secret. I've told him I love him and I know it's difficult for him, but he needs to tell me the truth, but he continues to lie to me when he drinks. I thought we were getting somewhere when he told his parents about his drinking problem (His dad is a recovered alcoholic and has been sober for almost 30 years), but that night after we left he went to the store and bought gin and then got mad at me, lying about it when I asked. I want to be there for him and support him through this, but I also don't want to stand by as our relationship is destroyed by his drinking. I go back and forth because I love him so much and we always planned on getting married in the future. I know no one can predict the future, but I need to know if it will get easier and if these bad times will pass. I've been thinking about going to al anon or getting some counseling. He's been an emotional wreck lately because he sees the effect that his drinking has on me and he's afraid he's losing me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 25
I agree with Anna that you need to take care of yourself and perhaps go to Al Anon or counseling. Speaking from my own experience, there isn't much you are going to do to make your boyfriend quit. It's up to him, and unfortunately, some of us have to have something happen in our lives to shock us and make us see the light.
My wife inspected me many times and it only lead me to become better at hiding it and become very defensive. You need to decide for yourself if your pain is worth staying with him? In my case, I continued to progress in addiction and finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Best of luck and please read through stories on this site as it may give you a better appreciation of what he is going through.
My wife inspected me many times and it only lead me to become better at hiding it and become very defensive. You need to decide for yourself if your pain is worth staying with him? In my case, I continued to progress in addiction and finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Best of luck and please read through stories on this site as it may give you a better appreciation of what he is going through.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Anna is correct. There's not much you can do as it's his journey to walk. Do take care of yourself. I'd go easy on the thoughts of getting married if he's still lying and denying about his drinking. You may want to put it off until you see if he's serious about getting sober.
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