Lost
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Lost
Hi I'm new to this site. I found it when I was looking for help.
My fiance has struggled with alcohol for years. I never really paid much attention to how much he drank. I work first shift and he works 3rd shift so he never really drank what I thought was a lot around me. For awhile he only drank on the weekends (or from what he told me). I guess it seemed like it happened all of a sudden but looking back I know I was more in denial than he was. At the beginning of the year he got incredibly depressed; he also has stomach issues which cause him to feel sick quite often and he is dealing with what seems to me like post traumatic stress from when he was younger. But he didn't go to work for almost 2 months. He went to his doctor and explained his depression and the doctor wrote him off work for awhile. Unfortunately, I think it was a horrible decision. He started drinking heavily every night...hard liquor. Probably 20 shots if not more. I tried to convince myself that it would get better and he would stop. He would tell me he just needs to snap out of it and that he would. I wasn't seeing any change and it really has been putting a strain on our relationship but I think he was completely oblivious about that. This past weekend was the breaking point though. He woke me up on Sunday morning and told me he had blacked out and passed out on the stairs for over 2 hours and had messed himself. When he was telling me he was slurring. He was incredibly upset and starting crying at one point when he told me that all he can think about was how he is scared that it may be the last time he drinks and all he wants is to go drink right now. He did ask me to get rid of the rest of the alcohol which I did. He went to work last night and is trying to give up drinking. He is feeling awful and it scares me that he will either give in or the withdrawal will cause him to become extremely sick. I told him I had set up counseling for myself because I feel lost, sad, and scared. I keep trying to assure him that I love him more than anything but this disease is tearing me apart. Any advice on what I can do to help? I don't want to lose him...
My fiance has struggled with alcohol for years. I never really paid much attention to how much he drank. I work first shift and he works 3rd shift so he never really drank what I thought was a lot around me. For awhile he only drank on the weekends (or from what he told me). I guess it seemed like it happened all of a sudden but looking back I know I was more in denial than he was. At the beginning of the year he got incredibly depressed; he also has stomach issues which cause him to feel sick quite often and he is dealing with what seems to me like post traumatic stress from when he was younger. But he didn't go to work for almost 2 months. He went to his doctor and explained his depression and the doctor wrote him off work for awhile. Unfortunately, I think it was a horrible decision. He started drinking heavily every night...hard liquor. Probably 20 shots if not more. I tried to convince myself that it would get better and he would stop. He would tell me he just needs to snap out of it and that he would. I wasn't seeing any change and it really has been putting a strain on our relationship but I think he was completely oblivious about that. This past weekend was the breaking point though. He woke me up on Sunday morning and told me he had blacked out and passed out on the stairs for over 2 hours and had messed himself. When he was telling me he was slurring. He was incredibly upset and starting crying at one point when he told me that all he can think about was how he is scared that it may be the last time he drinks and all he wants is to go drink right now. He did ask me to get rid of the rest of the alcohol which I did. He went to work last night and is trying to give up drinking. He is feeling awful and it scares me that he will either give in or the withdrawal will cause him to become extremely sick. I told him I had set up counseling for myself because I feel lost, sad, and scared. I keep trying to assure him that I love him more than anything but this disease is tearing me apart. Any advice on what I can do to help? I don't want to lose him...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,785
Welcome to the family. 
The best you can do is to be supportive of his efforts and to establish boundaries for his behavior. Like not having any alcohol in the house anymore. Has he considered going to AA? Lots of support there. Other than supporting his efforts, there's not much you can do. This has to be his journey. He has to want to get sober for himself.
The best you can do is to be supportive of his efforts and to establish boundaries for his behavior. Like not having any alcohol in the house anymore. Has he considered going to AA? Lots of support there. Other than supporting his efforts, there's not much you can do. This has to be his journey. He has to want to get sober for himself.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by ta1125 
I told him I had set up counseling for myself because I feel lost, sad, and scared.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Welcome. Many have a similar struggle as you and a great help for us is Al Anon which focuses on those close to the person with a drinking problem. On this site is a forum for friends and families also very helpful.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
BE WELL
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
BE WELL
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