Few months later ... need advice regarding my girls
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Europe
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Few months later ... need advice regarding my girls
It has been a couple of months since I posted, but as a reminder, I am a dad of 3 girls that basically walked away with nothing but my girls.
During these couple of months, we have moved to a larger place that fits us all, new furniture, tv, beds, clothes, etc...
Regarding AW, she has her days of silence then she turns on the anger... She just turned on the anger/hate but is visiting us on saturday. This will be the second time she see's the kids in almost 6 months! Just to be clear, she is all over the place about how she is fighting for the kids ...
Anyway, during these past months, the girls and I have have super great days and some bad days. Lately, my eldest 14yr old has agreed with her younger sisters that she wants a cat and my 10 & 8 yr old want a hamsters.
The girls were brought up with two dogs ( a german shepard and a golden retriever) that they loved dearly. They miss them badly...which really sadens them.
But here I am trying to fix our lives and want to show them that we are a great team, with summer coming up, I want to show them different places, have random trips...I tried explaining that we should discuss the cat/hamster issue after summer, but they have been very persistant. I kinda agreed to getting hamster cages and that they would have to prove they would be able to look after empty cages.
I think its a bad idea to get a cat and 2 hamsters ... how the heck do I convince the girls? I feel like darth vader saying no
During these couple of months, we have moved to a larger place that fits us all, new furniture, tv, beds, clothes, etc...
Regarding AW, she has her days of silence then she turns on the anger... She just turned on the anger/hate but is visiting us on saturday. This will be the second time she see's the kids in almost 6 months! Just to be clear, she is all over the place about how she is fighting for the kids ...
Anyway, during these past months, the girls and I have have super great days and some bad days. Lately, my eldest 14yr old has agreed with her younger sisters that she wants a cat and my 10 & 8 yr old want a hamsters.
The girls were brought up with two dogs ( a german shepard and a golden retriever) that they loved dearly. They miss them badly...which really sadens them.
But here I am trying to fix our lives and want to show them that we are a great team, with summer coming up, I want to show them different places, have random trips...I tried explaining that we should discuss the cat/hamster issue after summer, but they have been very persistant. I kinda agreed to getting hamster cages and that they would have to prove they would be able to look after empty cages.
I think its a bad idea to get a cat and 2 hamsters ... how the heck do I convince the girls? I feel like darth vader saying no
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Honestly...you're the Dad. Doesn't really matter what they agree on, you make the decision. Don't let any guilt about the situation lead you to make what you believe is not a good decision. You can say "not now" and perhaps pick a time to revisit the conversation, perhaps fall. Boundaries. 
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Single,
Sounds like you are doing great, I am sincerely happy for you!!
I know it is hard to say no to the kids, especially since they have been through so much. Most parents love to give their children what they really, really want that seems to be innocent enough. So, I totally get what you are asking and saying.
If I were you I would tell them we are going to wait x amount of time. Thru the summer at least, if they really, really want the animals still then you would give it serious thought.
When my daughter was 10 she begged and begged for a kitten, her friends cat had a litter. After serious thought my husband and I felt it should be okay.
It took about a week before she was "done" . I'll never forget hearing her door open in the middle of the night so that she could "toss" the kitten out of her room because it was keeping her awake.
Guess who takes care of the cat now?
Be proud that you have put together a new home for those 3 girls that you have and buy them a goldfish.
Be well,
By the way.... it is their job to be persistent. You get to teach them that it doesn't mean they get what they want when they want it.
Trust me... it's okay to wait.
Sounds like you are doing great, I am sincerely happy for you!!
I know it is hard to say no to the kids, especially since they have been through so much. Most parents love to give their children what they really, really want that seems to be innocent enough. So, I totally get what you are asking and saying.
If I were you I would tell them we are going to wait x amount of time. Thru the summer at least, if they really, really want the animals still then you would give it serious thought.
When my daughter was 10 she begged and begged for a kitten, her friends cat had a litter. After serious thought my husband and I felt it should be okay.
It took about a week before she was "done" . I'll never forget hearing her door open in the middle of the night so that she could "toss" the kitten out of her room because it was keeping her awake.
Guess who takes care of the cat now?
Be proud that you have put together a new home for those 3 girls that you have and buy them a goldfish.
Be well,
By the way.... it is their job to be persistent. You get to teach them that it doesn't mean they get what they want when they want it.
Trust me... it's okay to wait.
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It sounds like you've been able to put a good home together for your little family -- good for you!!!
I understand the need for kids in that situation to want something warm and furry to snuggle with, someone who always loves them even when they've been rude to their sister or talked back to their father. I do get that, and I think it's wonderful that you're considering it.
If you're not opposed to those pets I'm not sure it's a horrible idea to have a cat and a hamster -- although I would suggest a guinea pig instead of a hamster; they're much friendlier and actually recognize specific people (I'm not sure the tinier rodents do?).
As for the timing, I think I would have a sit-down with the entire family and let the kids know that with new pets that are still going to be very young when summer comes around, they will be spending summer at home. That you would like to do things over the summer -- go to water parks, learn to kayak, visit uncle Lester -- you know, whatever your ideas of fun summer activities are, but that if you do get the pets now, none of that will happen because traveling with four kids and those animals is not a vacation, it's torture for everyone involved.
So if you're hedging and don't feel like you want to put your foot down hard on this one -- you could choose to let them choose. Either weekend vacation trips now and pets come fall, or pets now and no trips whatsoever all summer.
It's a little devious but I've presented options to the kids like that in such a way that they end up picking what I want them to pick, but they're still happy because they were heard and got to have input.
Of course, if they say "we want the pets now, never mind summer" then you're locked into that...
I understand the need for kids in that situation to want something warm and furry to snuggle with, someone who always loves them even when they've been rude to their sister or talked back to their father. I do get that, and I think it's wonderful that you're considering it.
If you're not opposed to those pets I'm not sure it's a horrible idea to have a cat and a hamster -- although I would suggest a guinea pig instead of a hamster; they're much friendlier and actually recognize specific people (I'm not sure the tinier rodents do?).
As for the timing, I think I would have a sit-down with the entire family and let the kids know that with new pets that are still going to be very young when summer comes around, they will be spending summer at home. That you would like to do things over the summer -- go to water parks, learn to kayak, visit uncle Lester -- you know, whatever your ideas of fun summer activities are, but that if you do get the pets now, none of that will happen because traveling with four kids and those animals is not a vacation, it's torture for everyone involved.
So if you're hedging and don't feel like you want to put your foot down hard on this one -- you could choose to let them choose. Either weekend vacation trips now and pets come fall, or pets now and no trips whatsoever all summer.
It's a little devious but I've presented options to the kids like that in such a way that they end up picking what I want them to pick, but they're still happy because they were heard and got to have input.
Of course, if they say "we want the pets now, never mind summer" then you're locked into that...
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Start a deal that you pay a bit of money for unloved tasks. This money is collected in a treat container of some sort for initial purchases necessary for critters. Have the kids work on a budget for cost of critter, food, treats, cat litter, cage, etc. Then as the money increases, have them spend it on these items so they know yes the critters are coming and they have buy in - however you can delay animal arrival to end of last summer trip. Anticipation is a huge lesson and you aren't saying no. Have fun!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Great advice Guys! Dont get me wrong, I have always been a dog manmyself. Its just that when we were a "complete" family with two dogs, one of the toughest things to do was to plan whole day trips, not to mention simple weekend trips to the lake or the mountains. AW was always against hotels for dogs and that rubbed off on my girls.
Basically, my plan was to show my girls a kickass summer! On the other hand, I just feel like this would be a huge responsibilty and the thought of having 3 more animals just scares me. I am not saying no, I just want them to see what they would be sacryficing. I will wait till the end of summer and revisit the topic
Basically, my plan was to show my girls a kickass summer! On the other hand, I just feel like this would be a huge responsibilty and the thought of having 3 more animals just scares me. I am not saying no, I just want them to see what they would be sacryficing. I will wait till the end of summer and revisit the topic
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Hi Polo, gotta weigh in on this! Firstly I'm so happy for you that you are building a stable life with the children. They are lucky. I hope their Mom recovers and plays a positive part in their lives.
I'm not sure if you've owned a cat before, but they are not high maintenance. Once through their kitten stage they aren't terribly needy, and the main work is emptying the litter tray and refilling the food and water bowls. Cats allow you more freedom than dogs because they can be affectionate but aren't needy. IMO they are great girl's pets.
I can't comment on hamsters; we don't have them in Australia, just guineau pigs. Here they live in lawn cages and you change the water and drag the cage around to give them fresh grass. I don't find them very exciting.
Gonna poke my head out here, drop the GPs and get 2 kittens. They are hilarious together, reasonably low maintenance and provide a lot of cuddles. You can still go on short trips and as long as they have their food they're fine.
Far more information than you needed! Actually I want 2 kittens now!
I'm not sure if you've owned a cat before, but they are not high maintenance. Once through their kitten stage they aren't terribly needy, and the main work is emptying the litter tray and refilling the food and water bowls. Cats allow you more freedom than dogs because they can be affectionate but aren't needy. IMO they are great girl's pets.
I can't comment on hamsters; we don't have them in Australia, just guineau pigs. Here they live in lawn cages and you change the water and drag the cage around to give them fresh grass. I don't find them very exciting.
Gonna poke my head out here, drop the GPs and get 2 kittens. They are hilarious together, reasonably low maintenance and provide a lot of cuddles. You can still go on short trips and as long as they have their food they're fine.
Far more information than you needed! Actually I want 2 kittens now!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Guinea pigs are fun pets and you could easily get someone to take care of them while you are gone. Kids usually are not good about taking care of them and cage cleaning is not a popular task... so I would discuss what that might look like to make sure dad doesn't end up with that duty.
Handing a friend the cage for a week would be simple.
Kitties are low maintenance and once grown you can leave out plenty of food and water and they will be fine during a quick getaway with the kids (unless they get sick or get themselves into trouble ... a friend had his get stuck in the dryer!) The odds are low for something weird to happen while you are gone but not impossible.
Handing a friend the cage for a week would be simple.
Kitties are low maintenance and once grown you can leave out plenty of food and water and they will be fine during a quick getaway with the kids (unless they get sick or get themselves into trouble ... a friend had his get stuck in the dryer!) The odds are low for something weird to happen while you are gone but not impossible.
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Oh I do like the 2 kittens idea. See, take some time to talk about the options! Is there Craiglist where u are? I have taught DS to find his big items used by searching for stuff on there. Could find cages used I bet. All kinds of critters posted there too.
Also is there a guinea pig or hamster you could watch for another family as a test run? They are not my thing personally. Then the 3 girls could better discuss 2 kitten idea. I too am a dog person.
Delaying gratification is a huge lesson to learn.
Also is there a guinea pig or hamster you could watch for another family as a test run? They are not my thing personally. Then the 3 girls could better discuss 2 kitten idea. I too am a dog person.
Delaying gratification is a huge lesson to learn.
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I just have to tell this story. Once, when my oldest of three chidren was about 6yrs. old---I walked into the kitchen and saw him pouring milk into a bowl. I admonished him for pouring milk into a bowl when there was a cabinet full of clean glasses. "Oh, I thought it would just be fun to drink out of a bowl", he says. He then, stood in the kitchen and proceeded to drink out of the bowl.
Later, I got to thinking----something didn't seem quite "right" about that. A couple of days later, I discovered that the kids had been harboring a lost kitten in one of the bedroom closets. (this was right after my divorce--and we lived for a short time in an apartment).
Of course, I let them keep the kitten. Later, we had many rescue animals over the years.
Kids and pets belong together, ultimately.
Of course dad--your job is to set reasonable boundaries for your situation.
Just had to tell that......LOL!!
dandylion
Later, I got to thinking----something didn't seem quite "right" about that. A couple of days later, I discovered that the kids had been harboring a lost kitten in one of the bedroom closets. (this was right after my divorce--and we lived for a short time in an apartment).
Of course, I let them keep the kitten. Later, we had many rescue animals over the years.
Kids and pets belong together, ultimately.
Of course dad--your job is to set reasonable boundaries for your situation.
Just had to tell that......LOL!!
dandylion
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
Well, here's my story. We had a hamster. Cute little guy. My oldest was 8 so I did all the cage cleaning, etc. We moved to a new house where pets were allowed. About a month after we moved, the neighbors across the street found an abandoned litter of kittens. We went to look at them, came home with 2. They're awesome and naughty and the kids love them. We've had them almost 2 years now.
Here's the thing...cats want to eat hamsters, plain and simple. For his own safety, the poor hamster had to be put anywhere the cats couldn't get to him, behind a closed door. (cats knocked over the cage, I thought the hamster was dead until I found him hiding inside some tubing that fell out of the cage when it tipped over)
When the hamster cage was behind closed doors, the poor little guy was all but forgotten about and one day he was just stiff dead in his cage after several months of almost zero attention. ( I fed him and cleaned the cage, but we wasn't played with anymore)
I wouldn't get both. Get one or the other or the poor little hamster will suffer, I promise.
Here's the thing...cats want to eat hamsters, plain and simple. For his own safety, the poor hamster had to be put anywhere the cats couldn't get to him, behind a closed door. (cats knocked over the cage, I thought the hamster was dead until I found him hiding inside some tubing that fell out of the cage when it tipped over)
When the hamster cage was behind closed doors, the poor little guy was all but forgotten about and one day he was just stiff dead in his cage after several months of almost zero attention. ( I fed him and cleaned the cage, but we wasn't played with anymore)
I wouldn't get both. Get one or the other or the poor little hamster will suffer, I promise.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Before I continue with updating you guys with the cat-hamster, I just wanted to THANK YOU ALL for the warm, friendly and caring responses. I just popped out of no where and needed advice, and you guys really put my head back together.
Yes, the girls and I are doing well. We have managed to make a home again, the girls feel safe and we are just the coolest team ever. I feel so bad that I didnt fight for this earlier.
So, back to the animal farm ... I am going for getting a family cat AFTER summer! I did some google'ing and you guys are right that cats are hunters and hamsters have serious life-span issues.
Its just that we have had soooo many changes in our lives, I mean I just got a coffee table today, when I planned an aqua park weekend, turned out the girls dont have their swimming costumes - off to the store, ice skating - skates with AW, so off to the store, etc... But still, they make me feel like a lion and will fight anything that comes our way
Yes, the girls and I are doing well. We have managed to make a home again, the girls feel safe and we are just the coolest team ever. I feel so bad that I didnt fight for this earlier.
So, back to the animal farm ... I am going for getting a family cat AFTER summer! I did some google'ing and you guys are right that cats are hunters and hamsters have serious life-span issues.
Its just that we have had soooo many changes in our lives, I mean I just got a coffee table today, when I planned an aqua park weekend, turned out the girls dont have their swimming costumes - off to the store, ice skating - skates with AW, so off to the store, etc... But still, they make me feel like a lion and will fight anything that comes our way
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I agreed to two kittens last spring and if I had to do it over I wouldn't.
Leaving them for an overnight they get mad and pee everywhere ... Litterbox is always full and I'm the one who takes care of the most of the time...
I totally get your hesitancy.
And cats and hamsters seem like a bad combo. Just saying.... A hamster will be a snack for a cat who gets mad after being left alone...
Then again I plan to send the endless winter we have here over to you so maybe you won't be headed off on too many day trips for summer after all just kidding
Leaving them for an overnight they get mad and pee everywhere ... Litterbox is always full and I'm the one who takes care of the most of the time...
I totally get your hesitancy.
And cats and hamsters seem like a bad combo. Just saying.... A hamster will be a snack for a cat who gets mad after being left alone...
Then again I plan to send the endless winter we have here over to you so maybe you won't be headed off on too many day trips for summer after all
just kidding
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