TitiEmily

My 19-year-old AS just called me, at 1:00AM, to say he has no place to sleep tonight, no money, and can he please come home and sleep here. I said No. He has been on the run from the cops for a month, there are 2 warrants out for his arrest, I am already facing felony drug charges because the cops raided my apartment and found drugs and baggies and scales in his bedroom and he ran so they arrested me. I do not believe it is safe for me to have him here...but now I am wide awake, shaking, feeling guilty, my heart hurting for him.

He had court today but did not go. If he needs a place to sleep, he can turn himself in to the police.

But God, I want to call him back and tell him to come home and be safe.

Am I doing the right thing?

I have cleaned up too many of his messes already, made things too easy for him, enabled him to keep using.

But I tell my hurting child to stay on the street in the cold?

I hate this disease of addiction.

I don't know how to do this.

SeasonlessWorld

So sorry Emily
I'm also up late on the east coast. I don't have children so I can't imagine what you are going through. Don't sacrifice any more of your life to this disease, it has stolen your sons promise and you may lose your liberty because of it. I am relatively inexperienced with addiction issues but I can see that allowing him back into your home will not help either of you at this point. I am sure the hurt and pain you feel is overwhelming right now. I am sending you hugs. Take care.

cynical one

He has other options. Like you said, he can turn himself in. I see you are in the city, I'm sure there are also cold weather shelters that he could also turn to. I would turn the phone off and try to do something to help yourself relax and sleep this evening. Things are always seem worse in the middle of the night.

hopeful4

You did the right thing. I am sorry, tight hugs.

Ann

You did the right thing, as another mother of an addicted son I know how hard that was for you, but it WAS the right thing.

You are already in trouble with the law and if you know he is wanted and let him come home, you could create even more problems for yourself legally...like harboring a fugative.

As Cynical One said, there are shelters and detox's that would take him in and be a far better choice than anything you could offer. He knows you love him. Endangering your own safety for his won't help either one of you.

Hugs from my heart to yours because I know how much this hurts.

MRSH4

TitiEmily, I am right there with you. You are not alone. We never raise our children to fall so hard, to choose this messy life for themselves. He is likely pretty resourceful by now. Addiction forces you to be that from what I've learned. I want to reach through this page and give you a big hug. It is just pain, no way around it. I just read a great quote from another page, alter it slightly and it can be applied: , "I love you so much it pains me to see you in this way but unless you are here asking me for help you begin the recovery process, then you must leave now." I will add you and your son to my prayers!

Kindeyes

Oh man......that is just no fun.......believe me.....there are many on this forum who understand exactly where you are.

Did you do the right thing?

TitiEmily....there is your answer.

I've had to say no to my son too knowing that he was cold and hungry.....and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do......ever. Only people who have been there can truly understand....those who haven't worn those shoes may judge.....but they simply don't know what they're talking about......

This is a case of "you need to take care of you"......you did that last night and it took tremendous courage.

gentle hugs
ke

Raider

I have no experience so this is just what is in my heart. That's it. Ouch!!! He put you in a position where you had to say no. I'm so very sorry. Hurts my heart to read your post. Prayers to you.

Twofish

Emily, I had similar drug related legal problems with my adult kids last summer. I know how bad your heart is breaking...and the thought of helping your child is overwhelming you. It was the right decision to say no. But is still hurts, doesn't it?
I had to take a no contact order out to keep my kids away, for a while. But it still hurts.
We are in a better place today, but I remember that pain...it still hurts.
Hugs and prayers for comfort to you Emily from me! TF

TitiEmily

Thank you everyone. Helps sooo much to be able to vent here and to get the support and experiences from others. Last night was definitely hard...but I am also proud of myself because I am very very new to this whole business of setting boundaries and taking care of myself, and I feel like I passed a really difficult test. I guess winding up in handcuffs with felony drug charges is MY "bottom!"

Txhelp

Glad you are feeling better....isn't this an ugly ride?

You did pass with flying colors....