2muchpain

I'm not sure how to explain this, but I'll give it a shot. Sometimes, I can be very critical of myself. I'll go through the day, judging everything I do. I didn't do this right, I didn't do that right. By the end of the day, I'm pretty disgusted with myself. Nobody else probably notices these things, but I do. Even if someone complements me on something, it doesn't matter. It goes in one ear and out the other. After a while, I get so tired of being me, I just want to do is stay home by myself and drink to forget who I am, if that makes sense. Any thoughts on this?

least

Sounds a bit like me. I was my own worst critic. No matter what anyone else said I was never satisfied with myself or my efforts. With the help of my counselor I am getting better at going easier on myself and giving myself the same respect and kindness I give to others.

PurpleKnight

That's why I drank, I didn't like myself, who I was, how I looked, in my eyes (which was the most important opinion) I was a failure.

Soo every night I drank myself into bed, on my own demolishing a bottle, until I forgot who I was, numbed completely out of reality . . . UNTILL the morning when not only reality once again stared me in the face but I had the haze/pain of a hangover to also deal with, and so the pattern continued for years.

For me it all came down to looking at the positives about myself, once I got Sober, it's kinda like becoming Sober, focusing on the benefits is a far healthier outlook.

I realised we're all living our lives, not perfectly, but we're making our way though llife the best we can, and we all have a few good things to bring to the table, we're not as bad as we sometimes can convince ourselves we are!!

Sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break!!

FlygirlJ

Its common for people with addictions to never feel good enough...you are not alone. I feel this way alot. I often have trouble taking certain compliments because I don't really believe about myself what the other person is saying. I don't see what they see. I have felt for so long that I'm not good enough, so now I believe it. It's become my reality and what dictates my life, most notably in relationships. Despite the exterior and the person I present, there's still the insane insecurity inside and those feelings of inadequacy. In this book I am reading, it says that we are often taught that the sky is the limit, we can do anything we want to do, etc etc, so that when we can't get there for whatever reason (physical, mental, emotional, financial, or socioeconomic limitations), then it just perpetrates the idea of "not good enough" because we're not achieving what we are to believe we should be. I totally relate to that. I say oh I should be this or I should be that...but in reality I am not. It's just learning to be OK with that I guess that is the key. I am not there yet.

Anna

Yes, that was me, too.

I was taught from early years that I didn't ever do anything well enough. And, I fully believed it and continued telling myself the same thing for decades. I would gloss over any high points in a day and focus on every single aspect that I could criticize.

The good news is that you can learn how to change that. Louise Hay has written a few books on the subject and she is a firm believer is positive affirmations.

Tiptree

I think The biggest problem with judging ourselves so harshly is that we don't let other people in lest they see how awful we are and reject us. So we isolate and numb ourselves, and decide that all people suck. And then wonder why we are lonely.

2muchpain

Tiptree

I don't understand. How did you go to me harshly judging myself, to deciding all people suck? What does one have to do with the other? The reason why I said that when I am critical of myself, I want to isolate, because when I'm not around people, I have no need to judge myself. It's hard to make any mistakes when you are alone. It's the interactions with other people that causes me to be so harsh on myself. It has nothing to do with other people. In my mind, they are fine, I'm not.

Mountainmanbob

We all fall just a little short
One thing for sure
Drinking does not help our self esteem
MM

FlygirlJ

Heck I often find myself self-criticizing when I am alone because my brain judges me as well; I judge myself, er, well the voice in my head does. When I'm alone my mind will think about anything and everything, and when I'm isolated its even worse...my mind has more time to pulse over and over all the crap. Even right now I sit here and judge myself based on what I did at the gym today, what I ate, how I feel, etc. It really sucks. When I am with others, at least I have a distraction and a temporary reprieve from my own head.

Tiptree

I was speaking for myself, my protective mechanisms that I've had to look at now that I'm sober. Not to project them onto you but your post did made me think about how harsh a judge I can be towards myself and where that has led. I have to be kinder and more accepting of myself if this sobriety thing is going to last.

Dee74

I was a slave to negative thoughts and self loathing too.

Counselling helped a little - so did volunteer work - if I was doing something useful and with purpose I felt better about myself and the negative self talk couldn't gain as much traction.

The biggest change tho was not drinking.

I don;t think many of us realise just how much alcohol changes our perception ourselves. And it's roots are deep.

It was 3 months of sobriety before I even realised how dark my view had become over 20 years.

D

2muchpain

Tiptree
Actually, I do think most people suck, its just that sometimes I think I suck more. lol

Goldcoastgirl

Hey 2muchpain, I don't think you suck at all. You sound like a very intelligent person who really gives a lot of thought about everything. Don't be so hard on yourself. Thinking of you x

Mountainmanbob

must be a subject pretty common to man and woman I went to an AA meeting today and the topic was from a lady about being hard on yourself
pretty amazing considering this thread
Mountainman

Aellyce

I also relate to this VERY MUCH. Been the code of my life... So now sober this is one of the main things I'm trying to actively work on. Not easy. The way I approach it now: trying not to expect so many different things from myself but focus on 1-2 areas that are the most important for me and I know I can do well in those realms - try to improve my contribution in those areas. One of the most painful parts of drinking was that it did not let me do my best in these. Self-esteem issues can lead to similar avoidance even without alcohol, but the truth is the only way is through. At the same time, I also try to set limits, although it's always hard to rest and stop once I get the kick of it. It's important though otherwise it just leads to exhaustion and negative thoughts again.

I agree that many addicts have this underlying self-esteem problem.

silentrun

I used to do that negative self talk thing religiously. It got so bad I had to created this inflated superhero alter ego to compensate for all the abuse that I was heaping upon myself. It seems very common with addicts. It has stopped finally.

Bruce292

The main reason I drank and used drugs was to silence the negative chatter in my head. My mind didn't just criticize things I done or who I was on a given day. Instead it reached back into my past and held me accountable for every little mistake I had ever made. Simply put it was torture. For me the only thing that finally silenced the chatter was sobriety and continually working on mindfulness meditation. It helped me in a HUGE way. The negative thoughts still show up. I can even welcome them as being part of me but now I can choose not to replay and relive all of those memories. I guess I'm on my soapbox again. Thank you for posting.