Hell on earth week
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: leeds
Posts: 124
Hell on earth week
Hi Guys and Gals
Sorry have not been around for a week or so but here goes.........
A very good friend of mine lost his battle against manic depression last Friday and committed suicide by jumping off Malham Cove which is a massive limescale cliff and tourist attraction in Yorkshire where I live
He was 39 and leaves 2 young children and a wife
i only spoke to him the day before and he sounded totally upbeat and better after a long spell in the black hole but obviously this was acting
His wife asked if I would accompany her for the identification for support and of course I said yes ....he could only be identified by his hair and part of his face as the fall had sent his limbs everywhere
Needless to say she came out shaking and I was and still am really in deep shock so we went to the pub
No prizes for guessing the next part was 13 days sober but back to day 1 tomorrow
Guess I was not ready for that kind of shock NOT that am using it as any excuse as it was my choice first and foremost
But the thing that is really pissing me off is having seen that kind of grief first hand why oh why do I seem intent on committing suicide through booze ........surely any normal person would look around and think there for the grace of god but no not me pick up the beer mike and blot it out
Sorry for long post just needed to get some of it out
Mike
Sorry have not been around for a week or so but here goes.........
A very good friend of mine lost his battle against manic depression last Friday and committed suicide by jumping off Malham Cove which is a massive limescale cliff and tourist attraction in Yorkshire where I live
He was 39 and leaves 2 young children and a wife
i only spoke to him the day before and he sounded totally upbeat and better after a long spell in the black hole but obviously this was acting
His wife asked if I would accompany her for the identification for support and of course I said yes ....he could only be identified by his hair and part of his face as the fall had sent his limbs everywhere
Needless to say she came out shaking and I was and still am really in deep shock so we went to the pub
No prizes for guessing the next part was 13 days sober but back to day 1 tomorrow
Guess I was not ready for that kind of shock NOT that am using it as any excuse as it was my choice first and foremost
But the thing that is really pissing me off is having seen that kind of grief first hand why oh why do I seem intent on committing suicide through booze ........surely any normal person would look around and think there for the grace of god but no not me pick up the beer mike and blot it out
Sorry for long post just needed to get some of it out
Mike
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
So sorry for your loss. I always feel so bad for the ones left behind. You were/are in shock so I could certainly not judge you for your actions afterward. You did the easiest thing you knew how to ease the pain temporarily. Why not dedicate your ongoing sobriety to the memory of your friend and be there 100% for his family. They will certainly need all the help they can get.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Ireland
Posts: 244
Sorry for your loss.
I think you are being too hard on yourself. 13 days is way too early in sobriety to have it nailed down. The loss you suffered is in the top .01% of crap things that can happen. People with decades of sobriety could have cracked.
Go back to day 1 and heal slowly.
I think you are being too hard on yourself. 13 days is way too early in sobriety to have it nailed down. The loss you suffered is in the top .01% of crap things that can happen. People with decades of sobriety could have cracked.
Go back to day 1 and heal slowly.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 554
Originally Posted by Finnie 
Sorry for your loss.
I think you are being too hard on yourself. 13 days is way too early in sobriety to have it nailed down. The loss you suffered is in the top .01% of crap things that can happen. People with decades of sobriety could have cracked.
Go back to day 1 and heal slowly.
I think you are being too hard on yourself. 13 days is way too early in sobriety to have it nailed down. The loss you suffered is in the top .01% of crap things that can happen. People with decades of sobriety could have cracked.
Go back to day 1 and heal slowly.
The important thing is that you are committed to becoming healthy again!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 12
Hello Mike, firstly my heart reaches out to you and your friends wife and family, such a terrible terrible loss, it's no wonder you reached for a drink, most of us would of done exactly the same if we are all to be truthful about it.
Life unfortunately gives us some tremendously awful blows at times, things that take time to deal with, and come to terms in our heads with, people have to deal with all sorts, a very serious and deliberating illness can take a loved one from us suddenly, however an unexpected suicide of someone is one of the most painful and hurtful ways to lose someone, a pain so hard to endure, someone very very close to me hung himself a number of year's ago now, the images in my mind played havoc for many years, you will often search your mind asking yourself if there was anything you could of done, is there any way you could of helped...there isn't an answer I'm afraid, because we cannot change anything, none of us could possibly know what was ticking away in the persons mind to drive them to such despair, whatever desperation that drove them to such an awful end was their choosing, we cannot be responsible for the actions of another, of course it's always the ones left behind that are going to feel the pain and sorrow, are going to feel guilt, are going to question themselves over and over, at the end of the day there isn't any answers, it's a cliché but time does heal.
I have had my fair share and more of heartache over the years, and found drinking blocked out all the bad memories, or so we think, but at the end of the day we are only screwing our own life up, it's so easy to pick up a drink, but at the end of the day you cannot change what's happened, nothing on this earth can put it right, life is a tapestry, I believe we are all put here to learn lessons, some have harder one's to learn than others.
It's taken a long road for me to understand that alcohol isn't the answer and it certainly doesn't heal anything but destroys any good that's left, at the end of the day if we open our eyes and take time to see there is still so much good around us.
Please don't let your friends suicide drive you into despair and drink.
Life unfortunately gives us some tremendously awful blows at times, things that take time to deal with, and come to terms in our heads with, people have to deal with all sorts, a very serious and deliberating illness can take a loved one from us suddenly, however an unexpected suicide of someone is one of the most painful and hurtful ways to lose someone, a pain so hard to endure, someone very very close to me hung himself a number of year's ago now, the images in my mind played havoc for many years, you will often search your mind asking yourself if there was anything you could of done, is there any way you could of helped...there isn't an answer I'm afraid, because we cannot change anything, none of us could possibly know what was ticking away in the persons mind to drive them to such despair, whatever desperation that drove them to such an awful end was their choosing, we cannot be responsible for the actions of another, of course it's always the ones left behind that are going to feel the pain and sorrow, are going to feel guilt, are going to question themselves over and over, at the end of the day there isn't any answers, it's a cliché but time does heal.
I have had my fair share and more of heartache over the years, and found drinking blocked out all the bad memories, or so we think, but at the end of the day we are only screwing our own life up, it's so easy to pick up a drink, but at the end of the day you cannot change what's happened, nothing on this earth can put it right, life is a tapestry, I believe we are all put here to learn lessons, some have harder one's to learn than others.
It's taken a long road for me to understand that alcohol isn't the answer and it certainly doesn't heal anything but destroys any good that's left, at the end of the day if we open our eyes and take time to see there is still so much good around us.
Please don't let your friends suicide drive you into despair and drink.
Please dedicate your sobriety to honoring his memory and helping his family.
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