Wife of an addict.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Mass
Posts: 25
Wife of an addict.
I've been trolling this site for a while and finally decided to join SC.
Yesterday I just had had it with my husbands sketchy behavior and I reached my limit and just left.
He relapsed a year ago, straightened out for a few months, relapsed and straightened out again...allegedly. Yesterday after my AH had been working for several weeks rebuilding trust, and good attendance to AA meetings and church I gave him some small tasks to help out with. Grocery shopping. Well he did the shopping, reported back in that it was completed and not even 45 mims later he disappear without a trace all day. Took the ATM card I lent him (stupid me) and went back to the section of the city were his dealer is and found him hanging at at the local druggie crash pad. He took money out of the account at the local sketch mart across the street and said he lent it to a guy he met at the AA meeting he went to. The cash he took out was mere pennies compared to the hundreds he used to take out on one of his binges, however I was pretty pissed he was at the very spot I caught him at a year ago, took off and took money out without telling me. He is not working and looking for a new job, things have been tight and I specifically told him grocery store only, the mortgage is coming out at the end of the day. His DOC was oxy and percs, but I know when I found him he was not high, or drunk but I HAD JUST HAD IT! I flipped, I took his keys and left him standing there with his parked car and no keys. He later showed up the house two hours later and swore up and down he wasn't using. I told him he had to go. I was sick of the sneaking, and the sketchy, and the 50 dollars here and 50 dollars there. I know he has been going to his meetings in the afternoons/evenings. But I was pretty clear no more mystery withdrawals, and no more disappearing during the day while I am at work. There was to be a probation period of good behavior for trust to be re-established and he agreed. There is so much to do at the house there is no reason for him to be gone most of the day.
When I left last night (because he wouldn't leave) I was so crazy with anger I thought I was going go insane from the frustration. I just had to go, couldn't take one more second in that situation. I've been gone two days now. I left him with the kids because I just couldn't handle two toddlers at the time. That part bugs me a bit but I NOT just could handle it all. I got some good advice from my divorce lawyer a few weeks back and just spent the day protecting assets.
The thing is he says he hasn't been using, and I kind of think he hasn't because it isn't like last time. There is something sketchy going on but I don't think it's the oxy because the monetary amounts and time black holes where a lot worse. A lot worse. Anyway at this point I am not sure what to do. Hanging out at the dealer is deal breaker drugs or no drugs and I know I have to go back for the babies sake. Still it's frustrating. I've got a mid term plan but I feel like something's I am over reacting but I am NOT overreacting. Aarrrrggg!
Yesterday I just had had it with my husbands sketchy behavior and I reached my limit and just left.
He relapsed a year ago, straightened out for a few months, relapsed and straightened out again...allegedly. Yesterday after my AH had been working for several weeks rebuilding trust, and good attendance to AA meetings and church I gave him some small tasks to help out with. Grocery shopping. Well he did the shopping, reported back in that it was completed and not even 45 mims later he disappear without a trace all day. Took the ATM card I lent him (stupid me) and went back to the section of the city were his dealer is and found him hanging at at the local druggie crash pad. He took money out of the account at the local sketch mart across the street and said he lent it to a guy he met at the AA meeting he went to. The cash he took out was mere pennies compared to the hundreds he used to take out on one of his binges, however I was pretty pissed he was at the very spot I caught him at a year ago, took off and took money out without telling me. He is not working and looking for a new job, things have been tight and I specifically told him grocery store only, the mortgage is coming out at the end of the day. His DOC was oxy and percs, but I know when I found him he was not high, or drunk but I HAD JUST HAD IT! I flipped, I took his keys and left him standing there with his parked car and no keys. He later showed up the house two hours later and swore up and down he wasn't using. I told him he had to go. I was sick of the sneaking, and the sketchy, and the 50 dollars here and 50 dollars there. I know he has been going to his meetings in the afternoons/evenings. But I was pretty clear no more mystery withdrawals, and no more disappearing during the day while I am at work. There was to be a probation period of good behavior for trust to be re-established and he agreed. There is so much to do at the house there is no reason for him to be gone most of the day.
When I left last night (because he wouldn't leave) I was so crazy with anger I thought I was going go insane from the frustration. I just had to go, couldn't take one more second in that situation. I've been gone two days now. I left him with the kids because I just couldn't handle two toddlers at the time. That part bugs me a bit but I NOT just could handle it all. I got some good advice from my divorce lawyer a few weeks back and just spent the day protecting assets.
The thing is he says he hasn't been using, and I kind of think he hasn't because it isn't like last time. There is something sketchy going on but I don't think it's the oxy because the monetary amounts and time black holes where a lot worse. A lot worse. Anyway at this point I am not sure what to do. Hanging out at the dealer is deal breaker drugs or no drugs and I know I have to go back for the babies sake. Still it's frustrating. I've got a mid term plan but I feel like something's I am over reacting but I am NOT overreacting. Aarrrrggg!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Chibi. Welcome. I am sorry you are going through this. I've gone through the experience of mystery withdrawals and the unaccounted for time. You know your husband best so I would say that if you feel something is going on,you probably are right that something fishy is going on even if you can't put your finger on it just yet.
Hanging out with the dealer is just plain stupid if he is telling the truth about not using. If he hasn't used it sounds like he is getting darn close to actually doing it. I think you are doing the right thing. Talking to your lawyer. Protecting your assets. I would get the kids though. I know and agree toddlers are challenging at a time like this but from my own experience. My husband was newly out of treatment and hanging out at the home of one of his new sober buddies during the day, a lot, while caring for our son, then 18 months old. I thought "oh, great, some support for husband.". Not so great. Turns out he was getting high while at the house of this buddy and would then drive home with our son in the car. Toddlers are ultra portable and best still, can't tell mommy what daddy is doing.
You are not overreacting. It sounds like you have been on this ride before and you know when something isn't right. Trust your gut and keep taking care of yourself and kids. Keep coming here.
Hanging out with the dealer is just plain stupid if he is telling the truth about not using. If he hasn't used it sounds like he is getting darn close to actually doing it. I think you are doing the right thing. Talking to your lawyer. Protecting your assets. I would get the kids though. I know and agree toddlers are challenging at a time like this but from my own experience. My husband was newly out of treatment and hanging out at the home of one of his new sober buddies during the day, a lot, while caring for our son, then 18 months old. I thought "oh, great, some support for husband.". Not so great. Turns out he was getting high while at the house of this buddy and would then drive home with our son in the car. Toddlers are ultra portable and best still, can't tell mommy what daddy is doing.
You are not overreacting. It sounds like you have been on this ride before and you know when something isn't right. Trust your gut and keep taking care of yourself and kids. Keep coming here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Mass
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Ruby2 
Hi Chibi. Welcome. I am sorry you are going through this. I've gone through the experience of mystery withdrawals and the unaccounted for time. You know your husband best so I would say that if you feel something is going on,you probably are right that something fishy is going on even if you can't put your finger on it just yet.
Hanging out with the dealer is just plain stupid if he is telling the truth about not using. If he hasn't used it sounds like he is getting darn close to actually doing it. I think you are doing the right thing. Talking to your lawyer. Protecting your assets. I would get the kids though. I know and agree toddlers are challenging at a time like this but from my own experience. My husband was newly out of treatment and hanging out at the home of one of his new sober buddies during the day, a lot, while caring for our son, then 18 months old. I thought "oh, great, some support for husband.". Not so great. Turns out he was getting high while at the house of this buddy and would then drive home with our son in the car. Toddlers are ultra portable and best still, can't tell mommy what daddy is doing.
You are not overreacting. It sounds like you have been on this ride before and you know when something isn't right. Trust your gut and keep taking care of yourself and kids. Keep coming here.
Hanging out with the dealer is just plain stupid if he is telling the truth about not using. If he hasn't used it sounds like he is getting darn close to actually doing it. I think you are doing the right thing. Talking to your lawyer. Protecting your assets. I would get the kids though. I know and agree toddlers are challenging at a time like this but from my own experience. My husband was newly out of treatment and hanging out at the home of one of his new sober buddies during the day, a lot, while caring for our son, then 18 months old. I thought "oh, great, some support for husband.". Not so great. Turns out he was getting high while at the house of this buddy and would then drive home with our son in the car. Toddlers are ultra portable and best still, can't tell mommy what daddy is doing.
You are not overreacting. It sounds like you have been on this ride before and you know when something isn't right. Trust your gut and keep taking care of yourself and kids. Keep coming here.
Thank you Ruby2! Your message gave me the clue to figure it out. He WAS on his way to a relapse. He was testing the waters, probing to see how much attention I was paying. Sure it started with "Oh I was giving this guy a ride home from the meeting" in the worst poop hole section of the city. I didn't ask where because I assumed that since it was out of bounds he wouldn't go there. Then it was let me take a little money out from the sketchy market across from the dealers house "So he can lend a guys some money" but really to check and see if you are still paying attention.
I guess my bull-poop meter was working because when I stopped by last night to pick up a few things and check on the kids he practically took a swig from an open wine bottle in my face. (He was hiding around the corner 3 steps away from me.) I mean come on!! The kids were asleep in bed and I was thinking very bad thoughts so I had to leave again. So after I read your post I started to put it all together. When he wants to be drinking ninja by trying to hide it from me he is pretty good at that nonsense, but when he is being all Capt. Obvious he is begging for help. His ego/pride just gets in the way and he can't say it. Thinking back on it, on Sunday he was trying to spit it out but I coudn't get him to say what the issue was clearly no matter how many questions I asked. Well any way he went off to an AA meeting today, took his medication, and spoke to his therapist and set-up a follow-up. I am still pretty pissed because of the constant nonsense of it all. We were a few steps away from the the insanity-go-round, and I still feel like I can't go back on that ride from hell. I am still working with my lawyer to draw up the divorce papers, but of course I feel guilty. However if I am constantly thinking about erasing my self of this earth as an alternative to going back on the crazy train then I think it's time to get out...
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Henryville Pa
Posts: 11
I also, am on that "Ride from Hell" x 2. My daughter & son-in-law, & 2 Grandsons. When my kids were little, I failed to pay attention to what I called my "Lightbulb" moments. Now I take them very seriously & do my best to acknowledge them ASAP This nightmare started on 4/13/2014, and I'm just at the point where I don't want to play Drug police anymore, it's just to dang exhausting. After this last incident, I gave them 2 days to enter Rehab, or start walking down the road. My responsibility is to my Grandsons, not the addictive parents, who lie, steal & manipulate. I had suggested separation, cause 2 active addicts trying to get clean just doesn't work. My son-in-law is not able to return to my house now. My daughter, I'm still thinking on what action to take - this train has left the station, and they need to get a ticket for the one for recovery Your in my prayers
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