Bonita42

So I went to my first AA meeting yesterday, and relapsed 2 hours later. I sat in the parking lot for a half hour before the meeting started. I was so proud of myself for going in, although I didn't participate at all.Now I've disappointed all of the important people in my life (again). Also missed my scheduled appointment with my therapist today. I feel like a miserable failure. It had only been 3 days. How badly do I really want this? I feel like my heart's not really in it now, yet I want it to be. I'm so confused.

least

Welcome to SR from a fellow Buckeye!

Start again tomorrow. And change up your routine. Next meeting, tell them that you need help staying sober. I'm sure they'd be glad to help you. Don't give up! You can do this.

Bonita42

Thank you, Least. When I go to the meeting, is that something that I should announce to the group? I don't know that I'm ready to do that, yet, but I don't know who I would approach.
Thanks again.

PurpleKnight

FIRST time and relapsed? . . . no problem, I slipped literally 100s of times, far too many to count!!

Tomorrow is a new day, today is already in the past, can't be changed, forget about it, go at it again with a new plan and you'll get there!!

We're all in your corner!!

Bonita42

Thanks, Purple. That makes me feel better.

Forghetti35

The fact you want to quit is all that matters at this stage. No one in AA or here or treatment will judge you. We will just help you work on things tomorrow. Rome wasn't built in a day. The battle to stay sober takes a life time though it will become easier in time. Concentrate on getting through 1 day at a time. You can do this and are courageous in your wish to live sober!!!!

Billymac75

Everyday will get better and more "comfortable" then the previous. Don't get frustrated (easier said than done, I know). Keep plugging away and know that everyone in the meeting has been where you are. Keep doing what your doing. You have already made a tremendous stride!!

LadyinBC

But you went. Do you know how many times I went to a meeting and bought alcohol after???? Lots of times.

This journey is not easy and I had a lot of fear in the beginning.

You do not have to share anything you don't want to you don't even have to talk at these meetings. You are NOT a failure. Far from it. To come here and share this takes a lot of guts.

Don't give up on yourself, we won't.

warrens

"The only requirement is a DESIRE to stop drinking."

Keep coming back...

Warren

digdug

Just raise your hand and say that you're new and need help. That's it. People will know what to do. They will help you if you ask for it.

Bonita42

Thank you, Dig.

anchorbird

Just yesterday at my meeting a man told us that he had slipped the day before and was also very confused. Do you know what his honesty did for me? It gave me the strength to come clean and admit that I had done the same and I felt less alone.

This isn't going to be easy Bonita, but I know it will be worth it. We can do this together.

(I'm also an Ohioan, originally from the Cleveland area)

1newcreation

Was so looking foward to what happened but don't be so hard on yourself that it didnt turn out good. Today there's no regret only a learning experience. Wake up today or tomm, tighten boot straps & declare that "today no matter what I'm going to be sober JUST for these 24 hrs"
I hit rock bottom when stopped digging

oak

I tend to be shy in groups so I often don't speak at meetings. Sometimes just listening is enough. Sometimes I try to talk to just one person before or after the meeting. With time, I'm getting much more comfortable in certain meetings.

Introducing yourself in a meeting can be as simple as saying "I'm Jane and I'm new here." The meetings near me ask if there are any newcomers that want to introduce themselves. (I was usually too shy to introduce myself!)

Ambivalence is normal. It's normal to not want to change (and also to want to change). It's confusing but normal!

You went three days without alcohol. Congrats on that (and on trying a meeting).

Also, for a while, I found AA meetings very triggering so I just found other resources that helped. Try some more meetings, but if they don't help you, find something else that works for you.

("I hit rock bottom when stopped digging" I only recently heard that phrase in a meeting. I love it.)

Dee74

Some great advice here Bonita.
Learn from this, pick yourself up and start again

D

KateL

Yeah, I had loads of slips too. You just have to keep trying until something inside just seems to click xxxx

Bonita42

So tonight I went to my second AA meeting, and I have to say it was a much better experience than the first meeting. People were welcoming and introduced themselves. I even got my 24 hour chip/coin. At the end of the meeting, two women gave me their phone numbers, and told me about some other meetings they go to. Long story short, I feel really good right now. Thanks, everyone, for encouraging me to go back

ZeldaFan

I'm glad to hear it went well tonight! It's all about getting back up, dusting yourself off and going right back at it. I relapsed/slipped three times in two months before it stuck this time. You can do it!

Ruby2

Yay Bonita! That's great. I am reading this late but wanted to lend support. I've gone to loads of meetings and bought alcohol on the way home. I would even sit on the train on the way home from work, drinking wine and reading my AA Big Book. It happens. Just keep going. I did. It's been more than 90 days for me now. It gets easier.

SoberNLuvingIt

Great to hear! I went to my first AA meeting 6 weeks ago. I found that letting go and asking people for help is the best thing. People who have been in AA are always willing to help the newcomer. Even though i'm only 6 weeks in, i've welcomed 2 newcomers and passed along my phone number, as I know what it feels like to be the newbie!

As they say "Keep Coming"!