YearForMe

The house is now SOLD.

I should be happy....right?
I thought, once the house sold...I would be so relieved....
So why am I not?

I traveled to Maui to help STBXH clean out the house.

He told me he has decided to resign from his job and move back to the midwest. He said he couldn't find a place to rent and he didn't want to be on Maui alone with no family.

His move will put him back in the same town as me from April to Oct.
(I take my dad to southern Texas for the winter)

If he said it once...he said it 40x that he didn't "want" to move back...but he felt he didn't have any other options. I finally said "well...then....don't"
I think he was expecting other ideas and options. I didn't offer any.

He took everything he wanted and other than the small amount of personal belongings I had left there...he sold the rest...even the items I requested. I'm sure he did not deposit the total amount of $$ in the joint account.

The passive/aggressive, tit for tat, apathetic...could give a sh*t attitude he had was unbelievable. Seeing this again after 8 months was such a gift to me.

My gut told me not to go and help him clean out the house.
But my sense of responsibility said I needed to do my part. Not for him, but as a responsible homeowner.

I saw that NOTHING has changed with him. Behavior remains the same and he exhibited that by smoking pot in every room of the house....even after I told him on day 1 that I could smell it, didn't care what he did...but please do it OUTSIDE....

He continued to smoke it wherever he chose to.

I don't know if he's still taking Vicodin...but judging by his actions...I would say he is.

I brought my dog with me....there were 2 and the little maltese became acutely ill in November and had to be put down.
But I have my little bichon and he is really happy to be with me now.

On the bad side....
I didn't expect to feel the sting of rejection. Thankfully, it didn't last long
I had forgotten what it was like to have my reality messed with.
It takes alot of energy to remain in a state of grace and not let his BS infiltrate my psyche.
By the last day....I had to get out of there. I left the house at noon for an 8pm flight. LOL

I don't much care for the idea that he will be in the same town.

I stopped off for a few days...1/2 way to be alone.

I am decompressing. I am alone with my pup...and my thoughts....

Tuesday...after spending 5 days cleaning out the house, flying all night with the fur baby....I got situated and then we slept pretty much all day.

I had to break it down so simply....

YFM...you are safe, you have a roof over your head, if you would throw some clothes on and go to the store...you could get food.
Basic needs are met. That's all I could handle Tuesday.

After a couple of days of rest and reflection....

I'm just amazed when I see how bad things got...yet his addiction has not yet progressed as far as others I know.

I shouldn't be...but I am amazed at the level of disrespect he has for me.
I know it's a defense mechanism for him.
But if I were to be honest with myself.....he has not exhibited much respect for me for a very long time now.

When I first came to SR, I created the screen name Year for Me.
I gave it a year...but during that year, while I waited for him to get off the Vicodin and take some significant steps toward sobriety and recovery...I still packed the majority of my things and put them in storage.

I watched actions and kept putting one foot in front of the other...but inside I kept thinking "please stop taking the pills...please fight for this marriage....please don't make me have to do this...please WANT sobriety"

I eventually walked away....and he let me.

The best ESH I can share here is....
Trust the process and trust your higher power.

Don't second guess yourself...you did (or are doing) what you need to do as part of the process. Look for the lessons. Work your program.
The answers will come to you.

CAPTAINZING2000

You can't want it for them it will make you insane

DG0409

Hugs to you YFM.

SeasonlessWorld

Thanks for that post. I have tears in my eyes.

AnvilheadII

YFM, remember that so far he SAID he was going to resign and move...that's all talk....who knows where his actions will actually take him.

YearForMe

Anvil,

I wish you were right and he was staying there....but they delivered a POD container and he had it almost all packed when I left.....

needingabreak

YFM what a powerful post. Thank you so much for sharing. Sounds like a tough year..........but here you are and sounding strong and resolute. I wish the very best for you with no problems from your STBXAH. You deserve peace and tranquility now. HUGS.

LoveMeNow

(((YFM))) You did awesome. I am glad you took the time to regroup and take care of you.

It was harder then we thought but we were stronger then we knew. Where they are going, we cannot follow. We have our own journeys now. There is a big fabulous world out there, let's show em what were made of.

Thank you for always being such an inspiration and showing me how some one with self love and self respect treats themselves.

We didn't just do it, we did it with grace and dignity. I know God was smiling and wants us to also.

(((Hugs))).

Firefall

We are the enemy of their addiction. What I don't understand is why they continue the behaviors even while sober.

YearForMe

For alcoholics..it's called being a "dry drunk"
No drinking...but behavior is the same

For addicts....some call it a "dry high"
Not using...but behavior is the same.

Sobriety is not recovery.

If they are sober...that means they are just abstaining.
If they are in recovery, they are looking at all of those sh*tty behaviors
aka character defects. Those character defects contribute to their becoming an addict in the first place.

If they are in a program of recovery, they will look internally and find the source of the pain that leads them to seek and use drugs to numb that pain. They also work on the character defects that make them act like an *sshat.