much needed help with ABF please!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: manchester
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much needed help with ABF please!
Hi! First time posting so please be gentle with me. I just wondered is it typical of alcholics to change the goal posts of what they say or feel every 5 minutes? I never know where i am up to with him.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Very typical, classically so I think. Read some of the threads on this forum and you'll get a better understanding. I think keeping us in a constant state of confusion and upheaval is part of the master plan.
Read, really - it'll help you to understand what's going on.
Read, really - it'll help you to understand what's going on.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Spookyboo, welcome and ((((hugs)))).
If you read the threads you will see that almost every thing you are going through many others here have gone through almost the exact same thing. It's almost like you are reading your own diary written by someone else.
So, yes, it is very common. To be honest I really believe when they are admitted into the brotherhood of alcoholics they are given a manual that teaches them exactly what to say when someone else does or says something. I mean it's spooky (pun intended
) the way other people will post their A saying the exact same thing mine said in the same circumstances.
Please keep reading here as there is a huge amount of wisdom, experience, strength and hope.
Your friend,
If you read the threads you will see that almost every thing you are going through many others here have gone through almost the exact same thing. It's almost like you are reading your own diary written by someone else.
So, yes, it is very common. To be honest I really believe when they are admitted into the brotherhood of alcoholics they are given a manual that teaches them exactly what to say when someone else does or says something. I mean it's spooky (pun intended
) the way other people will post their A saying the exact same thing mine said in the same circumstances.Please keep reading here as there is a huge amount of wisdom, experience, strength and hope.
Your friend,
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by spookyboo22 
I just wondered is it typical of alcholics to change the goal posts of what they say or feel every 5 minutes?
Yes, I think there are several tactics commonly used by alcoholics because they are so effective at deflecting attention from their sickness, and keeping their friends and family off their backs about the drinking.
One is blame shifting - calling up all your faults and indiscretions the moment alcohol is mentioned; one is minimizing - saying they don't drink that much, or as much as so-and-so, or it's only beer, or it's only on the weekends; another is making promises about quitting or cutting back that sound very sincere, but that they have no way or intention of keeping.
They will say whatever it takes to keep YOU off balance and questioning your feelings about the situation.
It's very important that you get help for you, to fortify your support system. Because you didn't cause his drinking habit, and you can't control or cure it. Period.
Alanon meetings, and individual therapy, as well as joining this forum and educating myself about addiction worked well for me.
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Welcome!
Yes, it is very common. My xabf was blowing so much hot and cold all over the place I could have rented him out to heat and cool a house!
Alcohol has a way of messing with common things...like thinking clearly.
Yes, it is very common. My xabf was blowing so much hot and cold all over the place I could have rented him out to heat and cool a house!
Alcohol has a way of messing with common things...like thinking clearly.
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