Maui78

Hi. I usually post in the Friends and family forum as I am currently in a relationship with a heroin addict ( and some meth when she wants). We have been together for three years, she's been clean for a total of one (not recently). I have had my own brush with coke Adduction about 15 years ago, and sometimes binge drink, so I am no stranger to addiction. Bit when it comes to opiates...they are a different beast. She has been to jail, lost part of a leg, and almost died from a mrsa infection in her lungs, and still hasn't made the choice to get and stay clean. We are in the process of taking a break, separating because this last time of the lies, hidden use etc was my breaking point. I go to alanon, see a therapist for my own issues. Where is her bottom? I know I have to get out of the way so she can hit it. So I'm asking for your stories, what your bottom was and how you finally got there. Much respect toyou for being on here and taking the asteps you need to to overcome the beast that is Addiction. Thank you.

ImperfectlyMe

My bottom to some may have not been to low. But after a near life altering fall, my husband said enoughs enough. You either drink alone or you stay sober with your family. For me that was enough. He never waivered or looked the other way. His resolve gave me accountability and this had kept me sober nearly 11 months.

doggonecarl

I don't know how my telling you my "bottom" story could possibly ease your pain. Your addict will find her recovery, or like so many, will not. Don't hold out hope for something you have absolutely no control over.

My prayers go to you so that you may find peace and that your addict finds the strength to fight this affliction.

Maui78

I think hearing that others have made it through and out the other side will give me some strength and hope. I do know I have no control over her choices. Thank you for the prayers of peace.

cleaninLI

Hello, tangerine-puddle,

I had reached the point that the supply was not enough to keep up with demand. I'd buy $500 worth of pills on Friday (pay day) and run out before Wednesday. I know ridiculous! So Wednesday, Thursday and most of Friday I'd be sick with WD. So literally I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. One Friday, I had already given my money to my dealer to go pick up my pills. I was suppose to meet him at his house later that night. I was on my third day of WD....so I was feeling horrible....I was craving the entire day....watching the clock minute by minute, hour by hour like I did each and every Friday. I must have had some kind of enlightened moment because I finally received his text telling he had them and to come over. Suddenly this wave of dread came over me and I couldn't go. I thought to myself I can't do this anymore.....then I thought about how I had just dumped my entire paycheck into this deal.....it would all be wasted if i didn't get up and go pick them up. But, I didn't care....it wasn't about the money. Then I thought about how sick I was going to be.......I was already sick......I had already gone 3 days without the pills......I didn't care. Then I thought about how I would go to work on Monday morning tired and sluggish......I didn't care. I was just so tired of this cycle, tired of the secrecy, tired of the lies, tired of phoning and meeting up with my shady dealer, tired of being scammed (dealer would cheat me a lot), tired of working to support my addiction, tired of wasting money, tired of feeling like an immoral scumbag, tired of being sick all the time, tired of chasing after dope, tired of counting them, tired of hiding them, tired of sneaking them on planes, tired of waiting for them, tired of calling in sick to work, tired of all the excuses, tired of the anxiety, tired of the WD, tired of fighting with my husband, tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a sick hallow face with glassy eyes, tired of being numb, tired of them running my life.... I'm sure there is more but you get the idea right?

So I told my husband I hadn't really stopped. He though I had. He was so upset! So he started packing up and gathering the kids. I begged and pleaded for him to stay....he looked up at me and said this is your last chance.....you either get some help for yourself or I'm outta here with my kids! I guess he was tired too. That night he drove me to an IOP, spoke to a counselor and made an appointment for intake. That was a year ago.

I think that day will go down in my most important day of my life book. It was a day I will never forget because it was the day I got my life back.... The day I was finally set free!

Thank you for this thread.....it was a huge reminder of how blessed I am to have broken free....so many are still lost in the cycle......and others never make it out alive.

cleaninalabama

Clean- Thank you for that. For all the time i have known you i never had heard that story.

KateL

My bottom was extreme health problems and almost losing my kids to the authorities xxx

TiredEnough

"I was just so tired of this cycle, tired of the secrecy, tired of the lies, tired of phoning and meeting up with my shady dealer, tired of being scammed (dealer would cheat me a lot), tired of working to support my addiction, tired of wasting money, tired of feeling like an immoral scumbag, tired of being sick all the time, tired of chasing after dope, tired of counting them, tired of hiding them, tired of sneaking them on planes, tired of waiting for them, tired of calling in sick to work, tired of all the excuses, tired of the anxiety, tired of the WD, tired of fighting with my husband, tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a sick hallow face with glassy eyes, tired of being numb, tired of them running my life."

Right on, Clean. That's the life I led to a tee. I couldn't have said it any better.

Just so *bleeping*completely, utterly tired.

mkintexas

Man I don't want to be a cold splash of cruel water. But jail, near death, lost part of a limb and she still hasn't made a choice? You may very well need to spend some time thinking about your future. This person sounds like she has a very low chance of making to decision to recover. It most certainly will not happen due to possible repercussions. Did I spell that right? Anyway. Fear will not lead her to change. Loss (you two seperating) will
Not lead to it apparently. The only hope would be for her to have an epiphany that this is no way to live and she wants better. So please make sure you make a decision that is best for you. I don't know how others feel. But she sounds like she is pretty far gone and that opiates have a monstrous hold on her.

Maui78

Thank you mkintexas. Yes, opiates indeed do have a strong hold. I am currently working on us physically separated. We live together. She has options, a supportive (but in no way enabling..they stopped that years ago) family, some clean and in recovery friends. She can go back to treatment, a sober living facility, etc. It's all up to her. And I have to take care of me, it's super tough in moments to stick to my boundaries as I am of course a codie ( in therapy for over a year) however I have to let go. She knows I'm there to support recovery, but not in the front row to the madness anymore. I appreciate your shares. I also know that her bottom my very well be death. And I am powerless to stop it. It breaks my heart, but my life is important. Please keep sharing...

Raider

When I realized I hadn't remembered going to bed for 30 years because I was always in a blackout. When I broke the upstairs toilet, busted the water line, leaked all night flooding the bathroom and seeping through the ceiling, ruining my dining room ceiling below. Didn't remember a thing. Slamming my finger in a door, woke up to paramedics, didn't remember a thing. I got scared. I consider myself to have had a high bottom. Scared me a lot. Trying to stay sober now, 18 days in.

mkintexas

have you strongly encouraged and her considered opiate replacement therapy using either suboxone or methadone? Being put on this "recovery payment plan" may be a path she can adapt to.

Jessika78

I haven't even come close to hitting bottom, so I'm not much help on this question. I will say that I have an addict brother who doesn't seem to have a bottom either. He's been on and off drugs for about 20 years, and just got out of jail a couple of weeks ago. I don't know what it will take for him to achieve long term sobriety, but I know that I can't do anything to help him get there. My mother has always been an enabler, so there have been many times when he wasn't allowed to reach his bottom I think.

I'm glad you're getting support for yourself. That's really the most important thing you can do at this point. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'll be praying for you!

Maui78

She is on suboxone. Uses anyway. I know..right?!

athene

My car was repossessed & not because I didn't have the money, but because I was in such a wasted/avoidant state of mind that I wasn't paying bills on time or at all. It was a big tangled mess. It had been hard to get that car bec. my credit was shot, so I paid a lot of cash down & in the repo, was forced to pay off the loan or lose it all. I came outside, saw the car was gone & thought for a moment it had wrongly been towed- by who? The renegade Tow Militia? A phone call confirmed my fear & the woman was mean, nasty, and hardened, so I called my Mom who used to manage repos at the bank where she worked. This was Part 2 of the bottom. She freaked out & couldn't believe I'd become a repo person, which was highly triggering for me, bec she was violent to me when growing up & this felt like that all over again. I was running around, trying to catch a bus to the repo lot, on the phone with her, borrowing money, crying, high & I wanted to run in front of a truck and die. It all dawned on me that I'm not a kid anymore & this way of life had to end.

Thanks for starting this topic, as that was a year & a half ago, and I've been slipping lately w/ a relapse only 2 weeks ago. There isn't much logic to addiction, but I think self-worth is a big driver to staying engaged with that sick part that wants to run away. It has a mind of its own & it's a stubborn, thick-headed switch that looks away from reason.

Maui78

I know my final bottom with my own issues hit hard in 2009, and nothing anyone said or did could get me out of it. In fact for 8 months after I hit that bottom I still wasn't listening to my doctor/therapist and only doing the minimum to get by. Until extreme stress triggered a brief flashback episode to that bottom, and within 12 hours got myself help, woke up to the reality and made the decision to dig my heels in and DO what I needed to. And it was me, all me, that had to wake up. Hope this happens to my gf, but I am removing myself from the front row seat. My mental health is too important. Two lives ruined is two many. I only can control one.

Maui78

Maybe control was the wrong word..but I think you know what I mean. Make the right choices for ME.

JustMeg

Me too. That, and messing up a career opportunity that I had waited years for, because I was always either under the influence or withdrawing. I just thought "enough now".

ozdydream

I find the idea of 'You can't stop until you reach your bottom' a terrifying ultimatum. Because addicts never seem to know when it's time to call it day. How many times do you say 'Enough's enough when I....' The really scary thing is that for many enough's enough when they're six feet under.

I think you did the right thing by setting boundaries and raising her bottom; she's going to lose you if she doesn't stop.

Sorry if the post was a bit morbid. I pray that it all works out for you both and this website has so many examples of people who have turned their lives around 180 degrees.

larrylive

I think humans are resilient and resourceful, therefor I tended to bounce down the stairs of addiction, bottom to bottom. Each resulting in rehab (3x). I now realize mine is six feet further than I've been and I won't go there.

Be Well,
Larry