kkallday21

Coming home from work last night, I drove right by my ex.. It didn’t even register till I passed him… Seeing him for a matter of 3 seconds has completely infected me again.. I was literally texting my sponsor telling her how great I felt then a second later out of nowhere there he was.. I’ve been obsessing, overthinking and driving myself completely nuts over whether or not I made the right decision, how he is doing, thinking of him being with another woman, what if he does stay clean and I made a bad choice, and every other thing you can imagine  I’m really feeling it today … I barely slept and have been praying all night  It’s a rainy/gloomy day here in Philadelphia and that’s just making me feel the sadness much more 

Raider

You didn't make a bad choice, you made a hard choice. Blessings.

FourTwentyOne

Sorry to hear your day isn't going so well.

I had a bad day on Monday, cried myself to sleep. Tuesday was a better day It is part of the process of moving on.

Stay strong, keep up the prayers and try not to think about what he is doing and if he will stay clean or not. I believe that falls into "the grass is always greener" or "the road not taken" etc. You won't change anything with regret. Know that you made a good choice, a choice you had to make for yourself, and hope that he is happy, and hope that he stays clean, but not for your sake, for his. For your sake, keep looking forward, not back.

I say bring on the rain! It's going to melt the snow that fell, and I won't have to shovel! It's going to wash away the dirt from the winter, give a drink to the grass and the trees and all sorts of growing things and wake them up for spring.

zoso77

There is nothing wrong with thinking about him.

There is something wrong, however, when you allow those thoughts to consume you.

Work on letting go...and by that I mean accepting that you've done what you've done, and you're going to go about your day-to-day life in spite of it all. It's work. It's sometimes hard work. But you're doing yourself no favors by going down into that rabbit hole and driving yourself crackers.

ZoSo

faith260

I've been feeling the same today, wondering if I've made the right decision or how he's doing etc. The only thing that keeps me going today is that I've been through this before and for me to break out of this cycle, I need to do something different for myself. The day will come in a few weeks time, or a few months time, when he will contact me and I would have almost forgotten the pain I went through 2 weeks back... or 6 months ago.. or 9 months... 1 year.. 2 years.. 3 years.. 4 years. I don't want to go through another time again. If there's a magical change in him and his habits, his actions will show it.. not his words or my hope. He has to want something different. I know I do. I can only work on myself at this point in time.
Ann reminded me that I will need to grieve. So with that reminder, I take each day as it comes. Some will be good, some will be really hard. Each day passes though. Each difficult moment does pass too. Remind yourself of the life you want - one of love, honesty, trustworthiness, respect, kindness. Did you have that with him?
Today try to do self-care activities, things that soothe your mind and racing thoughts. Be gentle with your feelings. Give yourself the care he never did on days like today.
It will pass....

kkallday21

Thanks everyone. I’m in such a funk today  Faith I agree 100% and feel the exact way.. It’s just hard.. Although I didn’t start a cycle with this ex, I had a 10yr cycle with my son’s father and it really destroyed me.. This past relationship it only happened once and wasn’t as bad as what I was use to, but I guess my past is showing me where I am headed if I don’t get out now.. One part of me feels guilty that I didn’t give him a second chance because he was nothing like my son’s father and really did love and care about me… Then another part of me continues to think- do I really want to find out if there will be a next time? Ughhh It’s so crazy how much we get infected with the disease of addiction. Zoso- One of my biggest character defects is obsessing, making myself sick over situations that didn’t happen and half the time never do.. I’ve been praying for my HP to help me, so I’m hoping he responds soon.. Are there any suggestions you think might help? I’ll do anything to try and get better.

zoso77

Get out of your own head.

What are things you really enjoy doing? Where are places you really like to go? Who are the people you enjoy spending time with the most?

In my darkest days, I hit the road. One day, I'd head north to the mountains, then take the long way home. Another day, I'd head south to the ocean and drive along the coast. And I'd take in the sights, smells, and sounds.

Check out a book called "Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road" by Neil Peart.

ZoSo