Grace

After leaving me those terrible messages on my cell phone Sunday night, he called me last night and said that he COULDN'T REMEMBER what he said. He said, "I love you and I don't want you to move out. I just wanted you to come to camp and not stay where you are housesitting." I told him that I am tired of walking on eggshells and worrying that every time he gets drunk he is going to abuse me and throw me out. Every time I don't do things just the way he thinks I should. He wants to have complete control of me. He even accused me of having another man here.

Amazingly enough, he turned it around and said that if I would've answered my cell phone, he wouldn't have been so nasty. And besides, when he was at the bar, someone tried to pick a fight with him. EVERY stinking time he is pissed off at someone else, his drinking buddy, his dad, ANYONE, he gets drunk and takes it out on me.

WHY IS THAT???? Is it because they need a punching bag?

I am looking for somewhere to go and someone to help me get there.

I don't think God wanted me to live my life like this.

Love you guys!
Grace

smoke gets in my eyes

((( Grace! )))

Lorelai

Grace -
I think that they blame us for everything because, if they admit the truth to themselves, they have to accept the fact that drinking is causing problems. If they admit that, they might have to do something about it.
We're convenient.
L

Grace

I think you are absolutely right!
I also think that you understand this stuff pretty well.
You always have excellent replies and deep understanding.
Thank you for caring and for posting.
When my head is reeling like this, I hesitate to post because it's always the same s**t, different day.
I am surrounded by alcoholics in my family, and my closest friend lives far away and is a long distance phone call.
This is the one place where I can come and count on people to guide me, understand me, and give me some hope for the future.

Thank you Lorelai, Smoke, and Lostdream.

LostDream

Hello?

May we repeat that again, dear?

""Grace -
I think that they blame us for everything because, if they admit the truth to themselves, they have to accept the fact that drinking is causing problems. If they admit that, they might have to do something about it.
We're convenient."

And you don't deserve that! You need to love you first hon.
Love will take care of itself.

Lorelai

Grace -
Don't hesitate to post. I try to read every post and I "get" something from every one I read. It either reinforces something I believe or makes me look at things a little bit differently.

Everyone on this board is an inspiration to me. I learned the other day that "inspire" comes from the Latin root "to breath life into". Isn't that amazingly appropriate???
You go, girl - L

sunflowergal29

Grace...
I have been on here since Dec. and I can tell you that I have seen definite growth from you during this time. I think your posts are excellent- you are always very honest, even when being honest means not knowing what to do. Living with alcoholics/addicts is hard and I know that I personally felt like my feelings didn't matter anymore (am learning they actually do)- so remember that yours do to, girl!!
I think you are an easy target- it is easier to blame you/take it out on you than it is to look in the mirror or even stand up for himself properly to the people who p*ss him off. I think its great that you are standing your ground and calling bs when u see it!!
-SFG29

jstacntryrose

Dont hesitate to post, we learn form eachother around here.
I think we are easy targets, we are the only ones who have stuck around through all of thier rantings. Think about it, people hurt the ones that love them the most, including those who are in recovery. ( and some who think they are) Hang in there. We all need to rant, I was ranting with you believe me. Are we living with the same A. :paranoid:

myles1

It's all in that book you have Grace, Men who hate women and the women who love them.

Of course you are his punching bag. You are there an dhe knows he can take it out on you.

Ngaire