I Love This Country
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I Love This Country
And I don't mean the good 'ol US of A.
I went to get a legal second opinion here. And do you know how lovely this civilization is (here in my tranqil spot in Europe)?
The assumption in the family legal system is that a woman who has stayed out of the workplace in order to raise her four children is in no position and should be under no obligation to get an income to support her family. Especially given Xah's salary. They believe it is impossible for me to earn a substantial income and tend to the needs of my children. End of story. No judge here would give me so little child support. I would be given almost four times that amount.
So we are taking the insanely low support and asking for emergency temporary orders in which the judge here would order an immediate and retroactive supplement to the child support to pull my children out of poverty.
Thank you to this beautiful, civilized nation. I hope this works!
U.S. - you could be a kinder place, you know.
I went to get a legal second opinion here. And do you know how lovely this civilization is (here in my tranqil spot in Europe)?
The assumption in the family legal system is that a woman who has stayed out of the workplace in order to raise her four children is in no position and should be under no obligation to get an income to support her family. Especially given Xah's salary. They believe it is impossible for me to earn a substantial income and tend to the needs of my children. End of story. No judge here would give me so little child support. I would be given almost four times that amount.
So we are taking the insanely low support and asking for emergency temporary orders in which the judge here would order an immediate and retroactive supplement to the child support to pull my children out of poverty.
Thank you to this beautiful, civilized nation. I hope this works!
U.S. - you could be a kinder place, you know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
P.S. just to clarify - it is the U.S. judge who put in the order for the teeny amount of child support. People here think the order is bonkers. It defies international law by putting the children far under poverty level.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi Pippi,
I hope you get what you want. If you and hubs and kids are US citizens, how does an order from the country you are currently living in apply? I am sincerely curious. Also, what if the judges order for a percentage of your ah's income is still below or near the poverty level in the country you are currently in? Sort of like the same percentage would have you live like a king (or queen) in South Carolina but a pauper in Manhattan. Like the cost of living in your country is higher than a percentage of his income allows.
I hope you get what you want. If you and hubs and kids are US citizens, how does an order from the country you are currently living in apply? I am sincerely curious. Also, what if the judges order for a percentage of your ah's income is still below or near the poverty level in the country you are currently in? Sort of like the same percentage would have you live like a king (or queen) in South Carolina but a pauper in Manhattan. Like the cost of living in your country is higher than a percentage of his income allows.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
That is GREAT news for you and your children! Also, I am slightly jealous that you get to finish raising your children in a family friendly country. After I had my first daughter I read Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman (an American woman raising her 3 children in France) and I was just shocked at the differences in not only the cultures in regards to pregnancy and child rearing but also the governmental structure in supporting families. In France there is free, amazingly high quality daycare in metropolitan areas where children actually form meaningful bonds with their teachers and they're fed organic meals and it's just no big deal because everyone has access to it. If I were to try to enroll my toddler in a similar program here I would be paying $1,000+ a month easily, for only one child. If I had the opportunity, I would move my little family there in a heartbeat. I'd happily pay through the nose in taxes if it means that I'll benefit in a manner that actually positively effects my family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
My profession before the children arrived was social policy, so this topic interests me academically as well as personally.
To answer miss fixit. The children and I are legal residents here and I have dual citizenship - so am a European as well as American citizen. Otherwise I'd have been forced to pack my bags long ago.
I could live comfortably in South Carolina, for sure. But I have no ties there. I could live ok back where I started from on the east coast, but that's where xah is. So I would have to go to where my family lives and the schools there are frightful. Or I would have to start all over with the four children. Pick a place on the map and jump there with no job, connections, friends, etc.
I choose here, where we are well established and happy in our community. Problem continues to be, the cost of living is high. Except university is excellent and practically free.
So. Xah can't keep living alone in our 6 bedroom house and renting expensive ski chalets if this emergency order is accepted. Or he'll have to drink less and get some long-term tenants.
It is hypothetically the case that the judge could order more support than someone in another country could afford to pay. But they look at the figures and come up with an amount that they think is fair.
I don't think xah should keep living like he can control us through money. It is horrible for everyone. The American order was plainly unfair to the children. The judge doesn't claim to care that we are in Europe. If he did care, he would have ordered xah to switch health insurance plans so we would be covered here.
This is all rather annoyingly expensive and drawn out but I honestly think xah would do better if he were dethroned. He is misusing his power and resources.
As for the family-friendly policies. Americans propogate unfriendly policies by a). Accepting them; and b). supporting them. Many here at SR were adamant that I should get a job. Here, the people say, 'but how can you work when you have four children to raise? You already have a job.' Yes, I will also get a job, because who knows how long xah's salary will be dependable, and I do want independance. But not at the cost of sacrificing my children's health and well-being, if I can help it.
You see? Do I shove the children's needs aside, and run out the door to make money? Or isn't the best solution to find a way to get adequate support so I can be a proper mother to them. This isn't laziness my dears. It is a matter of prioritizing their care.
I am angry and sorry for every mother who is forced to run to a job when she feels her children would be better off with her at home, caring for them. I am sorry I can't do anything to help others find themselves here. But I can encourage the US to change its attitude towards stay-at-home mothers. Caring for one's children shouldn't be considered a luxury for the privileged few.
To answer miss fixit. The children and I are legal residents here and I have dual citizenship - so am a European as well as American citizen. Otherwise I'd have been forced to pack my bags long ago.
I could live comfortably in South Carolina, for sure. But I have no ties there. I could live ok back where I started from on the east coast, but that's where xah is. So I would have to go to where my family lives and the schools there are frightful. Or I would have to start all over with the four children. Pick a place on the map and jump there with no job, connections, friends, etc.
I choose here, where we are well established and happy in our community. Problem continues to be, the cost of living is high. Except university is excellent and practically free.
So. Xah can't keep living alone in our 6 bedroom house and renting expensive ski chalets if this emergency order is accepted. Or he'll have to drink less and get some long-term tenants.
It is hypothetically the case that the judge could order more support than someone in another country could afford to pay. But they look at the figures and come up with an amount that they think is fair.
I don't think xah should keep living like he can control us through money. It is horrible for everyone. The American order was plainly unfair to the children. The judge doesn't claim to care that we are in Europe. If he did care, he would have ordered xah to switch health insurance plans so we would be covered here.
This is all rather annoyingly expensive and drawn out but I honestly think xah would do better if he were dethroned. He is misusing his power and resources.
As for the family-friendly policies. Americans propogate unfriendly policies by a). Accepting them; and b). supporting them. Many here at SR were adamant that I should get a job. Here, the people say, 'but how can you work when you have four children to raise? You already have a job.' Yes, I will also get a job, because who knows how long xah's salary will be dependable, and I do want independance. But not at the cost of sacrificing my children's health and well-being, if I can help it.
You see? Do I shove the children's needs aside, and run out the door to make money? Or isn't the best solution to find a way to get adequate support so I can be a proper mother to them. This isn't laziness my dears. It is a matter of prioritizing their care.
I am angry and sorry for every mother who is forced to run to a job when she feels her children would be better off with her at home, caring for them. I am sorry I can't do anything to help others find themselves here. But I can encourage the US to change its attitude towards stay-at-home mothers. Caring for one's children shouldn't be considered a luxury for the privileged few.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
My profession before the children arrived was social policy, so this topic interests me academically as well as personally.
To answer miss fixit. The children and I are legal residents here and I have dual citizenship - so am a European as well as American citizen. Otherwise I'd have been forced to pack my bags long ago.
I could live comfortably in South Carolina, for sure. But I have no ties there. I could live ok back where I started from on the east coast, but that's where xah is. So I would have to go to where my family lives and the schools there are frightful. Or I would have to start all over with the four children. Pick a place on the map and jump there with no job, connections, friends, etc.
I choose here, where we are well established and happy in our community. Problem continues to be, the cost of living is high. Except university is excellent and practically free.
So. Xah can't keep living alone in our 6 bedroom house and renting expensive ski chalets if this emergency order is accepted. Or he'll have to drink less and get some long-term tenants.
It is hypothetically the case that the judge could order more support than someone in another country could afford to pay. But they look at the figures and come up with an amount that they think is fair.
I don't think xah should keep living like he can control us through money. It is horrible for everyone. The American order was plainly unfair to the children. The judge doesn't claim to care that we are in Europe. If he did care, he would have ordered xah to switch health insurance plans so we would be covered here.
This is all rather annoyingly expensive and drawn out but I honestly think xah would do better if he were dethroned. He is misusing his power and resources.
As for the family-friendly policies. Americans propogate unfriendly policies by a). Accepting them; and b). supporting them. Many here at SR were adamant that I should get a job. Here, the people say, 'but how can you work when you have four children to raise? You already have a job.' Yes, I will also get a job, because who knows how long xah's salary will be dependable, and I do want independance. But not at the cost of sacrificing my children's health and well-being, if I can help it.
You see? Do I shove the children's needs aside, and run out the door to make money? Or isn't the best solution to find a way to get adequate support so I can be a proper mother to them. This isn't laziness my dears. It is a matter of prioritizing their care.
I am angry and sorry for every mother who is forced to run to a job when she feels her children would be better off with her at home, caring for them. I am sorry I can't do anything to help others find themselves here. But I can encourage the US to change its attitude towards stay-at-home mothers. Caring for one's children shouldn't be considered a luxury for the privileged few.
To answer miss fixit. The children and I are legal residents here and I have dual citizenship - so am a European as well as American citizen. Otherwise I'd have been forced to pack my bags long ago.
I could live comfortably in South Carolina, for sure. But I have no ties there. I could live ok back where I started from on the east coast, but that's where xah is. So I would have to go to where my family lives and the schools there are frightful. Or I would have to start all over with the four children. Pick a place on the map and jump there with no job, connections, friends, etc.
I choose here, where we are well established and happy in our community. Problem continues to be, the cost of living is high. Except university is excellent and practically free.
So. Xah can't keep living alone in our 6 bedroom house and renting expensive ski chalets if this emergency order is accepted. Or he'll have to drink less and get some long-term tenants.
It is hypothetically the case that the judge could order more support than someone in another country could afford to pay. But they look at the figures and come up with an amount that they think is fair.
I don't think xah should keep living like he can control us through money. It is horrible for everyone. The American order was plainly unfair to the children. The judge doesn't claim to care that we are in Europe. If he did care, he would have ordered xah to switch health insurance plans so we would be covered here.
This is all rather annoyingly expensive and drawn out but I honestly think xah would do better if he were dethroned. He is misusing his power and resources.
As for the family-friendly policies. Americans propogate unfriendly policies by a). Accepting them; and b). supporting them. Many here at SR were adamant that I should get a job. Here, the people say, 'but how can you work when you have four children to raise? You already have a job.' Yes, I will also get a job, because who knows how long xah's salary will be dependable, and I do want independance. But not at the cost of sacrificing my children's health and well-being, if I can help it.
You see? Do I shove the children's needs aside, and run out the door to make money? Or isn't the best solution to find a way to get adequate support so I can be a proper mother to them. This isn't laziness my dears. It is a matter of prioritizing their care.
I am angry and sorry for every mother who is forced to run to a job when she feels her children would be better off with her at home, caring for them. I am sorry I can't do anything to help others find themselves here. But I can encourage the US to change its attitude towards stay-at-home mothers. Caring for one's children shouldn't be considered a luxury for the privileged few.
there is a big difference there..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Hi Pippi;
that's great news and I'm glad to hear your update.
I agree that our U.S. acceptance of poor treatment of workers / women
in terms of wages and services really harms the average person.
I very much hope the court upholds this increase for you and your kids.
Everything quiet with son and settling down?
Not to hijack the topic but I have another question:
Are you finding your language skills really sharpening?
That's my area, so I have been wondering how that part is going.
I'm assuming (perhaps incorrectly) you are in a bi / trilingual country, so are you totally functioning
in one or both languages? I would imagine you kids would be great informants for
things like idioms and grammar. One monolingual country I can think of is pretty harsh
on people who do not speak "accurately" and if you are there I would think that is tough.
But since you are already part of the community and not an outsider, are people helping you
by speaking their language slowly correcting you or do they just switch to English for you?
Asking them for corrective feedback, even though tiring, is the fastest way to make meaningful progress
but I expect you know that.
Don't mean to get all geeky on you, but that seems to be one of the bigger long-term
hurdles depending on your current fluency
When things are better money-wise, paying a tutor
would be a smart tactic so you are fully "up to snuff" in professional writing / jargon in your field etc. . .
However, in a year of living there full-time and speaking as much as possible, you will be astonished at your progress.
Your kids, except perhaps the oldest who may retain some accent, should be fully functioning bilingual speakers. What a gift to give them.
Keep on keeping on. . .
that's great news and I'm glad to hear your update.
I agree that our U.S. acceptance of poor treatment of workers / women
in terms of wages and services really harms the average person.
I very much hope the court upholds this increase for you and your kids.
Everything quiet with son and settling down?
Not to hijack the topic but I have another question:
Are you finding your language skills really sharpening?
That's my area, so I have been wondering how that part is going.
I'm assuming (perhaps incorrectly) you are in a bi / trilingual country, so are you totally functioning
in one or both languages? I would imagine you kids would be great informants for
things like idioms and grammar. One monolingual country I can think of is pretty harsh
on people who do not speak "accurately" and if you are there I would think that is tough.
But since you are already part of the community and not an outsider, are people helping you
by speaking their language slowly correcting you or do they just switch to English for you?
Asking them for corrective feedback, even though tiring, is the fastest way to make meaningful progress
but I expect you know that.
Don't mean to get all geeky on you, but that seems to be one of the bigger long-term
hurdles depending on your current fluency
When things are better money-wise, paying a tutorwould be a smart tactic so you are fully "up to snuff" in professional writing / jargon in your field etc. . .
However, in a year of living there full-time and speaking as much as possible, you will be astonished at your progress.
Your kids, except perhaps the oldest who may retain some accent, should be fully functioning bilingual speakers. What a gift to give them.
Keep on keeping on. . .
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
just one question..How does a European judge grant you more and more child support money from your ex husband if he is working and has received his back income from a job in the states? even if he was living in your current country he which he is not. you both were married in the United states..correct? He is only an American citizen?
To be honest if a judge from Switzerland or something wanted to take me to the cleaners for child support just because he could (which it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what is happening here) i would be looking into taking this thing to the supreme court or international court
To be honest if a judge from Switzerland or something wanted to take me to the cleaners for child support just because he could (which it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what is happening here) i would be looking into taking this thing to the supreme court or international court
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
Many here at SR were adamant that I should get a job. Here, the people say, 'but how can you work when you have four children to raise? You already have a job.'
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
Yes, I will also get a job, because who knows how long xah's salary will be dependable, and I do want independance.
You've been saying you are looking for employment for months now.
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
I am angry and sorry for every mother who is forced to run to a job when she feels her children would be better off with her at home, caring for them. I am sorry I can't do anything to help others find themselves here. But I can encourage the US to change its attitude towards stay-at-home mothers. Caring for one's children shouldn't be considered a luxury for the privileged few.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi Pippi,
Thank you for answering me. I have a graduate degree in international business and am interested in public policy. I grew up with a bunch of lawyers around always talking jargon so I am interested in cases like yours.
The legal residence thing makes sense now. I could not figure out how you and your kids could live there without ah yanking them back to US. Is there a possibility that having the European judge order more child support might send him over the edge and seek to get kids back in US? Like he says, I have had enough and they must come back to US.
I feel for you and your situation, and I know it might feel that way, but I do not think anyone is attacking stay at home mothers. I think it is more about when you get a divorce there is a shift in finances and lifestyle for everyone. If there is only one person working then what was once a good income is now divided, so now there are two households with okay incomes rather than one with a good income. Just the math. I could see a small apartment in Switzerland being equally or even more expensive than a large house in the US. Also, when you factor in things like travel to get to each house or the cost of international health insurance for 5 people taken off the top, there isn't a ton of money left especially if 4 kids have hobbies and lessons, etc. So much money goes to housing and living b/c things just cost so much in places like Europe.
An example: When my parents got divorced, I shifted from very prestigious private school to public school. We moved from our house in the most expensive area of town to a house in a very nice but more upper middle class area. We were members of a very old country club where I swam and played tennis, but dad had to get rid of the membership, so that was no more. Circumstances changed again years later and my sister and I returned to private school but everyone took a hit in the divorce. I think it is important to be realistic about what you can expect. I know that you know all this. My hope for you is that you get empowered enough to not need or want ah's money. That way he can never control you or your kids again. The money allows him to have control.
You have lived in Europe for 4 or 5 years now, right? I would imagine that you are all settled where you are and i know it must be hard.
Thank you for answering me. I have a graduate degree in international business and am interested in public policy. I grew up with a bunch of lawyers around always talking jargon so I am interested in cases like yours.
The legal residence thing makes sense now. I could not figure out how you and your kids could live there without ah yanking them back to US. Is there a possibility that having the European judge order more child support might send him over the edge and seek to get kids back in US? Like he says, I have had enough and they must come back to US.
I feel for you and your situation, and I know it might feel that way, but I do not think anyone is attacking stay at home mothers. I think it is more about when you get a divorce there is a shift in finances and lifestyle for everyone. If there is only one person working then what was once a good income is now divided, so now there are two households with okay incomes rather than one with a good income. Just the math. I could see a small apartment in Switzerland being equally or even more expensive than a large house in the US. Also, when you factor in things like travel to get to each house or the cost of international health insurance for 5 people taken off the top, there isn't a ton of money left especially if 4 kids have hobbies and lessons, etc. So much money goes to housing and living b/c things just cost so much in places like Europe.
An example: When my parents got divorced, I shifted from very prestigious private school to public school. We moved from our house in the most expensive area of town to a house in a very nice but more upper middle class area. We were members of a very old country club where I swam and played tennis, but dad had to get rid of the membership, so that was no more. Circumstances changed again years later and my sister and I returned to private school but everyone took a hit in the divorce. I think it is important to be realistic about what you can expect. I know that you know all this. My hope for you is that you get empowered enough to not need or want ah's money. That way he can never control you or your kids again. The money allows him to have control.
You have lived in Europe for 4 or 5 years now, right? I would imagine that you are all settled where you are and i know it must be hard.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I grew up in a small European country and can vouch that MissFixit is absolutely on the money when it comes to the higher cost of living there. As a single childless professional woman, I could not afford even a condo; renting was the only choice. I rode my bike to work, went out for dinner maybe twice a year, and was paying in excess of 60% of my income in taxes.
International divorces, I've heard from friends' experiences, can be a nightmare. Jurisdictional issues and completely different legal practices can make it drag out for years. One of my best friends divorced a man from one EU country while living in another. They started their divorce in 2008. They still aren't done.
It's interesting to me to see how differently we view things. In the US, I can create a better standard of living for myself and my kids than I could as a single woman in my home country. But that's only part of the explanation for why going after higher child support and alimony was never something I considered. The biggest part was that I wanted to sever all possible ties with AXH. The thought of relying on him for anything made (and still makes) my stomach churn. Being financially independent is incredibly important to me -- and I don't think it makes me a bad mother. That BS is the horrid "mommy wars" pitting stay at home moms against working mothers. You've all heard the arguments for both sides, I'm sure.
Given that AXH would use any power I gave him to manipulate me, I decided from day one that I would give him as little as I possibly can. If he had paid what he should have, I could have bought a house. But I made a budget based on my income, and lived accordingly. That turned out to be a good choice, given that he hasn't paid any child support.
For me, the challenge of living on a tight budget for a few years was outweighed by the lessened stress of worrying about whether he would pay or not. And it has made my children more understanding. All of a sudden, they were not the wealthy kids in their classes, and they gained a new understanding for the kids who came to school in ill-fitting hand-me-downs and had a bag of chips for lunch.
It's all how you look at it.
International divorces, I've heard from friends' experiences, can be a nightmare. Jurisdictional issues and completely different legal practices can make it drag out for years. One of my best friends divorced a man from one EU country while living in another. They started their divorce in 2008. They still aren't done.
It's interesting to me to see how differently we view things. In the US, I can create a better standard of living for myself and my kids than I could as a single woman in my home country. But that's only part of the explanation for why going after higher child support and alimony was never something I considered. The biggest part was that I wanted to sever all possible ties with AXH. The thought of relying on him for anything made (and still makes) my stomach churn. Being financially independent is incredibly important to me -- and I don't think it makes me a bad mother. That BS is the horrid "mommy wars" pitting stay at home moms against working mothers. You've all heard the arguments for both sides, I'm sure.
Given that AXH would use any power I gave him to manipulate me, I decided from day one that I would give him as little as I possibly can. If he had paid what he should have, I could have bought a house. But I made a budget based on my income, and lived accordingly. That turned out to be a good choice, given that he hasn't paid any child support.
For me, the challenge of living on a tight budget for a few years was outweighed by the lessened stress of worrying about whether he would pay or not. And it has made my children more understanding. All of a sudden, they were not the wealthy kids in their classes, and they gained a new understanding for the kids who came to school in ill-fitting hand-me-downs and had a bag of chips for lunch.
It's all how you look at it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
It would seem easier for you just to get a job than keep up this legal saga. Being self-sufficient would help your self esteem and enable you not to rely on your ex-husband. Your ex-husband & his attorney may find another loophole and the battle may continue.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I have no idea on the legality of all of this. I simply wonder if the US judge's decision supersedes and overrides anything a judge out of the US may order. Would such a decision be enforceable?
Either way, I hope you find clarity in what is needed to make a comfortable life for you and your children, Pippi.
Either way, I hope you find clarity in what is needed to make a comfortable life for you and your children, Pippi.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
I get $25 a month.
For 2 kids.
Yup.
That's it.
Meanwhile my X is shacked up with his newest girlfriend mooching off her.
I'll take the $25, at least he's not sucking up all my hard earned money anymore!
But yeah, it's a total crock.
For 2 kids.
Yup.
That's it.
Meanwhile my X is shacked up with his newest girlfriend mooching off her.
I'll take the $25, at least he's not sucking up all my hard earned money anymore!
But yeah, it's a total crock.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
When I have a job, I'll take anyone on here from this side of the Atlantic out to dinner. . Don't worry, loves, it's going to rain down on me, all those opportunities. I am not concerned about my path so much any more. It's happening the way God intends and I am confident and happy. My training program starts next month. Patience. Things take time here.
In the meantime. The topic of this thread. We have two countries with two approaches to the same situation. U.S.: child support + alimony puts us at poverty level while xah remains rich. Europe: child support + alimony pulls children out of poverty. SAHM has to work but at 20% not 80%. Xah remains comfortable but less wealthy.
. Don't worry, loves, it's going to rain down on me, all those opportunities. I am not concerned about my path so much any more. It's happening the way God intends and I am confident and happy. My training program starts next month. Patience. Things take time here. In the meantime. The topic of this thread. We have two countries with two approaches to the same situation. U.S.: child support + alimony puts us at poverty level while xah remains rich. Europe: child support + alimony pulls children out of poverty. SAHM has to work but at 20% not 80%. Xah remains comfortable but less wealthy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I am not concerned about my path so much any more. It's happening the way God intends and I am confident and happy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Hi Hawkeye,
About the language. After 3.5 years here, the children and I are all fluent. Certainly were ages ago, by American standards :-)
This is an extremely international place, and my non-local friends come from every corner of the globe. Conversations switch between languages rapid fire, depending on topic, mood and participants. It's pretty amazing. I have friends that are multilingual. They were raised that way and had jobs/families that worked in many places.
The children are pretty accent-free. Not so with me. I don't care too much because if you want to progress, you have to be willing to make mistakes. I was raised by a European mother, and culturally I arguably belong here more easily than in the US.
I spend half my day in one language, the rest in English. The kids mostly prefer to speak English at home and I read to the younger two in English to work on their vocabularies. I have learned by doing my finances, sports, legal work, counselling, Al-Anon, etc. in the local language. Radio is great. Half my friends speak English as a second language. Almost none are native anglophones. The rest are locals. I am not the best language learner because I am very visual. But I am culturally very adaptable. Some people will correct my mistakes, some get irritated, others think my language skills are pretty great. Each person's reactions seem to have more to do with their personalities than anything else.
Having a local boyfriend would really help. The only men I have had ongoing flirtations with here are local, so I guess that bodes well for the future.
About the language. After 3.5 years here, the children and I are all fluent. Certainly were ages ago, by American standards :-)
This is an extremely international place, and my non-local friends come from every corner of the globe. Conversations switch between languages rapid fire, depending on topic, mood and participants. It's pretty amazing. I have friends that are multilingual. They were raised that way and had jobs/families that worked in many places.
The children are pretty accent-free. Not so with me. I don't care too much because if you want to progress, you have to be willing to make mistakes. I was raised by a European mother, and culturally I arguably belong here more easily than in the US.
I spend half my day in one language, the rest in English. The kids mostly prefer to speak English at home and I read to the younger two in English to work on their vocabularies. I have learned by doing my finances, sports, legal work, counselling, Al-Anon, etc. in the local language. Radio is great. Half my friends speak English as a second language. Almost none are native anglophones. The rest are locals. I am not the best language learner because I am very visual. But I am culturally very adaptable. Some people will correct my mistakes, some get irritated, others think my language skills are pretty great. Each person's reactions seem to have more to do with their personalities than anything else.
Having a local boyfriend would really help. The only men I have had ongoing flirtations with here are local, so I guess that bodes well for the future.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
