12mancan

So I had my first drink in two weeks yesterday Ugh. I'm trying to take a look at the experience yesterday and figure out a little positives that may be learned and some things to watch for. Good news is I my sober self really put up a good fight and I didn't turn it into a bender... I actually managed 2 beers, then a full Gatorade, then a drink, then another Gatorade and 2 beers and a water... that was over 9 hours at a Super Bowl party, so I never really felt drunk. I didn't really even enjoy the beers, they made me feel guilty and weak and I was concerned about not drinking too much, so I wasn't enjoying myself as much as I wanted.

Bad news.... I should have just not had any, but my resolve broke. My AV won, kept telling me it's the Super Bowl... no need to elaborate here, we all know the excuses the AV thinks up.... so even though I fought it to a stalemate and didn't go crazy, I still feel like I ruined a good 13 day streak that I was quite proud of.... Also, on the way home, I had so many family members and friends begging me to go to a celebration party, so I got it stuck in my head that it was going to happen, I already broke the streak, so why not go all the way and get hammered. The decision to go to the party ended in an ongoing fight with my wife, I dropped her off at home and went alone anyways.

Good news, once I got to the after party, I saw how drunk everyone was and somehow my AV got kicked to the background! I poured a beer to get everyone to stop asking me to drink and I can honestly say I didn't touch any of it, just held it there watching 3 or 4 really drunk people and thinking 'god, I don't want to be like that!'. So I hung out for an hour, drank water and went home... sober!

Anyways, writing this to sort of reflect... why on earth did I cave in to my AV in the beginning? The entire sober part of my day was awesome, the small part I was buzzed made me upset at myself and the decision to go to an after party caused big issues on the home front.... so I'm calling this a stalemate as my sober self won in the end, but still lost the front half of the battle...

Day 1 (starting without any hangover this time!).

FreeOwl

be careful from here...

if your AV is like mine, he'll be hanging back waiting for a good opening to use the "See!? It was fine. We can control this thing and we definitely don't wanna be like THOSE chumps. Heck, it's obvious we can have a good time and keep it in check now and then. NO big deal...."

serious

first, you did not ruin your streak. that's just meaningless set of numbers (although i totally understand the psychological impact)... you were 13 days without the control of any substance. your body enjoyed every minute of it.. although you probably didn't feel all that great.

now you have 13 days sober and you are ready (much stronger, more knowledgeable, more determined) to start again.
don't drink today.
just keep adding to your sober time.

whether we like it or not our life days are ticking away our sober days can only add up.

keep going, buddy.

p.s. this is coming from someone who has just relapsed after months of sobriety... and knows the AV tricks all too well, yet falls for them a little often.

doggonecarl

I found staying away from all activities that were alcohol-centric helpful in early recovery.

Commonly dispensed advice on SR.

Mizzuno

I think this is a part of the process for some individuals. It was for me. I would have sober time and then fall off the sobriety wagon. I would then get back on due to excessive drinking and behaviors that were detrimental. It was a merry go round of absolute hell.

This does not have to be anymore than what it was last night. You can continue on in your resolve, feel the feelings, and move forward. Knowing how you feel right now can be the momentum that you need to keep moving forward in sobriety. Be gentle with you. Rome was not built in one day, ya? This journey is an individual walk that we all travel. The one thing that is awesome, is that you are here talking about it, being honest, and ready to move forward. Keep moving forward!

12mancan

Thanks Free, I'm definitely trying to focus on the positives because I know that AV is going to come up with some new crap to feed me... so I'm thinking of how great I feel today, even though I broke a little bit, I had the opportunity to follow my old ways and just indulge with the other heavy drinkers at the after party (I even had a spare bed lined up).... I work with some of them, they didn't make it in, so I know they feel like crap while I'm up and alert and very thankful I can remember every second of my Seahawks taking it too the poor Broncos!

12mancan

I really like this take on it Serious:

"whether we like it or not our life days are ticking away our sober days can only add up."

malcolmsloan

Sorry to hear that, 12man. I say pick yourself back up and get back to it. And watch that AV: it will be back, possibly with a few new tricks now that it won this little super bowl skirmish. Onward!

KateL

Good for you. Glad you haven't got a hangover xxxxx