colagirl

Today I am 67 days sober, which ties my previous record! I'm feeling much stronger this time, as I finally told my best friend what was going on and now have her support as well as accountability to her. I also started seeing an addiction counselor, which has been extremely helpful.

This week I've found myself being more emotional than usual, and one of the things that's bothering me is that I feel the need to keep this whole recovery thing a secret, particularly from my coworkers. All of the advice that I've received says that it's a bad idea to let them in on it for fear of jeopardizing my career, and I can't disagree with that in my own personal situation.

But one of my coworkers has been recovering from surgery, and it hit me this week how everyone has been congratulating her on keeping up with all her deadlines and not having to take much time off, despite her severely diminished physical capacity. People bringing her flowers, getting her lunch, being extra nice and laying off expectations. I started thinking, it's so unfair that I can't get the same kind of acknowledgment for not drinking over the past few months. Believe me, it hasn't been easy, and there have been plenty of days where being at work was a real struggle and even a trigger that I had to fight through, but nobody knows or can know why. I want to scream at them, "if you guys ONLY knew!"

I know I'm sounding whiny and I'm sure it's all part of being extra emotional lately, but it's something that has been really irritating me.

malcolmsloan

Hi Colagirl, I'm right behind you at 64 days. While I do not have anyone at my work recoving from surgry, I relate to feeling like, "if you guys only knew." I hardly remember the first few weeks being sober at work I was so exhausted, but pulled it off. And even if they knew, they wouldn't truly understand. It's our journey and we get it.

Hearts

I totally get you. Zero people in my life know about my recovery. My parents think I recovered two years ago (relapsed after one and have had ongoing relapse issues). It's hard without pats on the back from people.

ForestRunner

I hear you, but I agree that most folks won't understand or react in a similar manner as they do to your coworker. I have confided in most of my friends, some family, and my doctors about my decision to stop drinking, but I wouldn't tell my coworkers because I could never "take it back" and I'd always feel like I was being observed for signs of instability. I don't want to live like that.

Mountainmanbob

your thinking seems to lean on the puffed up side of it all

best to be humble
and only give credit where credit is due
many sober ones would give all credit to God

Mountainman

Notimetoloose

I have been relapsing on and of for the past 4 years.
If I told anyone I work with I think they would be shaking their heads at me in bewilderment.
For me, my sobriety is just for a few who are safe and have some insight.

However, I think that 67 days deserves a massive congratulations.
Lets Break out the marching band. You have done well
Congratulations

http://youtu.be/1hYWLZLgrR8

Dee74

Fair or not, our kind of recovery is viewed somewhat differently CG.

You'll always find support and encouragement here tho - I don't think it's unnatural at all to want a little support and understanding...its very human

congrats on 67 days!

Robertstone

I hear you my friend! But sadly, people are really judgmental when it comes to addictions. Even though you have overcome your addiction, people may treat you differently. Plus, who needs the constant reminder from people of being an ex-alcoholic. Only those who truly love you should know that.

ForestRunner

Oh, and BTW woot woot! on 67 days! That's awesome!

ZeldaFan

First, congrats on 67 days! I know what you mean about people not knowing the internal struggle we are going through. The first month for me especially was a struggle on two fronts - not drinking and hiding my struggle from people I didn't want to know. At 80-some days, things have gotten much easier now that being sober is starting to feel normal but it was very rough in the beginning.

What has been interesting is the response I have gotten from the few people who I have told. Some have been incredibly supportive (one of those being a friend and coworker who has been amazing about it showing support but not treating me any different) and others have pulled away from me. I had a group of friends who I was rather close to who I told about my lifestyle change to not drink anymore who stopped talking to me completely. I know now who my real friends are.

Stay strong and keep up the great work! All of us here appreciate the hard work you have done to get where you are today.

KateL

Congrats on 67 days. Sometimes I think it's best to keep quiet about it because as Dee says, sometimes it is veiwed differently which is unfortunate but hey-ho! My co workers knew because I got into trouble drinking at work and they congratulated me on getting better. I was lucky, things could have been quite different. But plod on, you are doing great and you know that xxxx

ClearMind

Thanks for posting, CG. Congrats on your sober time. I find that it's difficult to keep it a secret as well, that is one of the things I struggled with over my recovery process. I'm at a point now where I just tell people I don't drink anymore because I just don't like it anymore. If I'm pressed, I say that it makes me sick lately, so I can't be bothered. That realy seems to work - it's really not that difficult. Believe me, coming from a family where alcohol is a central theme like mine, if it can work with me, it can work with anybody.

Good luck.

PaulinaPolitely

Well well said!

Cheydinhal

Congrats on 67 days! You're awesome

MrBen

I had this exact same experience. It's sad to find out people you cared about were just drinking buddies who don't care about your well being. But better to find out sooner than later.

On another note I approve of your user name- Majoras Mask is my favorite ever game, The Wind Waker in HD is amazing as well.

Threshold

Congrats on your clean time! You are doing amazing!

And big hugs, because it is hard to watch all that, and push on alone.

I buy myself flowers, and truly I enjoy them so much, and they remind me of all sorts of nice things.

Your coworkers most likely wouldn't offer the same kudos and generosity even if they did know what you are doing. Mental illness and addiction issues make people clam up and look the other way. Most don't know how to respond. But all of us here do know and we are SO happy for you, and truly understand all that you are doing and feeling in your early recovery.

I'm glad you brought this to us to share.

nomis

Well done on 67 days Colagirl !

I think a lot of us can relate to how you are feeling. I've gotten sober a couple of times and remember that feeling of frustration and really, self pity very well. I recall a couple of times when my boss was giving me a hard time and just wanting to scream "Hey lady, back off! I'm an alcoholic who is two months sober for Chris** sake."
A big part of all that was PAWS as well.

Gratitude ain't easy, it's still something I need to work on, but many of those feelings of resentment towards others not understanding what I was going through have passed and now I am just grateful I'm sober.

As for letting my co-workers know. Well I'm over 14 months sober and I still don't think it's any of their darn business.

Hang in there, the longer you stay sober the more you'll start to make peace with things.

2bhappier

Interesting how we all have the same problem but differing desires and views. Personally I wouldn't want anyone I work with to know anything about my sobriety and attempts at recovery. I find it to be very personal and the people I work with are super heavy drinkers. I have always avoided being social with co-workers after work because I really keep work and my life separate. But everyone is different and you are going through a major life change and I can understand the desire for acknowledgement and support from your peers. I would rather no one know and to be left alone. We're all different.

FreeOwl

double-edged sword; the 'secrecy' can work against our recovery.... but then again so can the perceptions and perspectives and behaviors of people who don't understand alcoholism and who then label those in recovery as things they aren't.....

My approach is to share with people, as I feel called to and appropriate, that I'm "not drinking right now" or that "I've found that for me, life without alcohol is richer and more joyous" or that "I've decided I've had enough experience drinking for this lifetime" or simply "no thanks, I'm not drinking today".... all of which are true and tend to steer away from the more stigmatized and dramatic "I am a recovering alcoholic".

Some find this to be less than fully honest - but at least right now, I find it to be pragmatic and the best for my own personal balance in recovery.

least

Congrats on 67 days sober! How about you treat yourself somehow. A movie, shopping for something special. Reward yourself.