How can i stay sober......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne, VIC
Posts: 10
How can i stay sober......
Recently I wrote on here that I would not drink again after some nasty incidents while overseas we'll surprise surprise look who's turn back to the drink...... Now however the drink is only giving me good days and it all seems to be fine but I know again it will turn nasty. I know I need to stop and it hurts me so bad.... but I constantly feel like I'm missing out. That cute girl who asked me for a beer? I have to say no. Those new guy mates with a bottle of whisky to share... Can I have a sparkling water instead? I just don't know what to do 
I'm so out of my depth and feel so boring without being able to drink. I'm so confused!! What the hell do I do?!?!! Sorry to put this upon everyone but I just am over it!
I'm so out of my depth and feel so boring without being able to drink. I'm so confused!! What the hell do I do?!?!! Sorry to put this upon everyone but I just am over it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
I had to avoid certain situations and be the one to invite people to do things that didn't involve alcohol. Some people I just had to move on from and can't have them in my life anymore.
I hear your frustration. It is really challenging at first.
I hear your frustration. It is really challenging at first.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
That fear I would be missing out kept me drinking til I was 40...then when I sobered up and I looked around at my friends with lives, and careers and families and even grandkids...and I realised I'd missed all the important stuff anyway.
It's tough when you're a young bloke to walk your own path...but work out whats really important to you, Mattya, and stand up for it.
D
D
It's tough when you're a young bloke to walk your own path...but work out whats really important to you, Mattya, and stand up for it.
D
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hey Matty, If we widen our peripheral vision, and really have a look around.
Too often we only see and hear what we want to.
Many many people don't drink or if they do it can be counted on one hand annually.
With work I am around alcohol a lot, plenty of high flyers and social types ordering the bubbly water, the OJ and alcohol free drinks. They can have whatever they want, they will choose alcohol free.
Champagne toasts gone flat in front of them.
They look and act like they are having a great time.
We do what we know and we know what we do. We need to be prepared to change and do what seems like a sacrifice at the time to it eventually becomes second nature...it will take practice and perseverance.
My daughter hardly has a drink from one year to the next, never has, she never acquired a taste for it. She had a few of the big boozy nights as a teenager. Made her sick and teary.
Her 18th, 21st, all sorts of celebrations, clubbing and socialising not a drink, she had and has so much fun, she is always laughing and loves to dance.
Have you ever had to listen to a drunk, now that's boring.
Too often we only see and hear what we want to.
Many many people don't drink or if they do it can be counted on one hand annually.
With work I am around alcohol a lot, plenty of high flyers and social types ordering the bubbly water, the OJ and alcohol free drinks. They can have whatever they want, they will choose alcohol free.
Champagne toasts gone flat in front of them.
They look and act like they are having a great time.
We do what we know and we know what we do. We need to be prepared to change and do what seems like a sacrifice at the time to it eventually becomes second nature...it will take practice and perseverance.
My daughter hardly has a drink from one year to the next, never has, she never acquired a taste for it. She had a few of the big boozy nights as a teenager. Made her sick and teary.
Her 18th, 21st, all sorts of celebrations, clubbing and socialising not a drink, she had and has so much fun, she is always laughing and loves to dance.
I'm so out of my depth and feel so boring without being able to drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
I can think of a lot of people in my various social circles over the years who didn't drink. SOme of them were the loudest, craziest most fun people in the whole bunch.
Maybe part of the solution might be to develop a bit of a thicker skin and sense of humour as to why you bring your own bottle of soda to parties and if girls ask you out for a drink and you order soda, it's because "I want to be stone cold sober to really appreciate being with such a beautiful girl " or some other charming remark.
I had difficulty turning down a glass of champagne on dates, for sure. I dated a guy off and on for a year who had such an issue being on dates with a girl who didn't drink AT ALL. I don't know why I persevered.
It's good to have strategies and frankly, a sense of humour rather than getting defensive when people pressure you. DOn't forget there's a certain social etiquette that says if you offer someone something and they say no, you offer again in case they were just being polite in saying no. "Go on, have one!" is just the way most of us were socially conditioned to make people feel comfortable. "Oh I couldn't possibly trouble you for a glass of water on this hot day." "Here, have a glass of water."
I bet after you decline a few times you'll just become that guy who drinks coke or whatever. Be really aware of your surroundings and pick out the people who seem to be reluctant drinkers, light drinkers or non drinkers and stick close to them.
If all your friends are heavy drinkers, get new friends.
Maybe part of the solution might be to develop a bit of a thicker skin and sense of humour as to why you bring your own bottle of soda to parties and if girls ask you out for a drink and you order soda, it's because "I want to be stone cold sober to really appreciate being with such a beautiful girl " or some other charming remark.
I had difficulty turning down a glass of champagne on dates, for sure. I dated a guy off and on for a year who had such an issue being on dates with a girl who didn't drink AT ALL. I don't know why I persevered.
It's good to have strategies and frankly, a sense of humour rather than getting defensive when people pressure you. DOn't forget there's a certain social etiquette that says if you offer someone something and they say no, you offer again in case they were just being polite in saying no. "Go on, have one!" is just the way most of us were socially conditioned to make people feel comfortable. "Oh I couldn't possibly trouble you for a glass of water on this hot day." "Here, have a glass of water."
I bet after you decline a few times you'll just become that guy who drinks coke or whatever. Be really aware of your surroundings and pick out the people who seem to be reluctant drinkers, light drinkers or non drinkers and stick close to them.
If all your friends are heavy drinkers, get new friends.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Great White North
Posts: 195
I am currently attempting to quit again after a very bad friday night. I am still very hungover and it is almost midnight. Last time I was sober I told people that I do not drink because "it doesn't agree with me" which in reality is very true. I was in Europe for two weeks over Christmas with my dad and brother and I was able to drink in moderation the whole time I was there. As soon as I got home I started to binge a few nights by myself for no reason. Friday night was a bottle of Vodka - very ugly
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Mattya 'that cute girl who asked you for a beer? Treat her to a coffee instead. Those 'new guy friends with the whiskey? Why make new drinking buddies if you are wanting to stop drinking? Plenty of wise advice here to go on. Life can be real fun without alcohol in it. You just need to change your mindset.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
If you know the crapstorm is just around the corner it might be wise to take a detour before you come to it. I found it helpful to try to look ahead a little further when making choices, really even just as a general practice in life, not just for sobriety's sake.
So, I used to just look forward to that first couple of cold ones after a day's work, but then I tried framing it as looking towards the other six-to-eight cold ones, plus nausea and blackout slumber punctuated by waking up with pounding heart and drymouth, followed by daylong hangover and very possible calling in to work that day, with constant anxiety about whether I'll lose my job or die of alcohol-related illness and "what the @#$@ am I doing drinking my life away!?" feelings pretty much all the time.
And then I wrote myself a letter in which I listed all the major life events that went majorly bad, cause attributable solely to my drinking problem. Reading over the missed opportunities and failed relationships, well, that really hit home. Finally.
So perhaps it is a matter of perspective. It's not just, "hey I will get off work and get a six-pack and enjoy the beer buzz." It's "I will get a six-pack which will probably throw me into an uncontrolled descent into irresponsible drinking and endanger my health, career, relationships and sanity."
So, I used to just look forward to that first couple of cold ones after a day's work, but then I tried framing it as looking towards the other six-to-eight cold ones, plus nausea and blackout slumber punctuated by waking up with pounding heart and drymouth, followed by daylong hangover and very possible calling in to work that day, with constant anxiety about whether I'll lose my job or die of alcohol-related illness and "what the @#$@ am I doing drinking my life away!?" feelings pretty much all the time.
And then I wrote myself a letter in which I listed all the major life events that went majorly bad, cause attributable solely to my drinking problem. Reading over the missed opportunities and failed relationships, well, that really hit home. Finally.
So perhaps it is a matter of perspective. It's not just, "hey I will get off work and get a six-pack and enjoy the beer buzz." It's "I will get a six-pack which will probably throw me into an uncontrolled descent into irresponsible drinking and endanger my health, career, relationships and sanity."
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