Brad202b

I have a 20 year old son that was arrested for the first time ever and he was charged with felony under the influence of a controled substanec and a misdemeanor paraphernalia charge. I found out through a friend who was checking on a friend of hers, she called me and told me my son was in jail and told me why. He had been there for 4 days up to that point and I was so far beyond freaked out I had no idea which way was up. He did not call me until the 5th day of being in jail. I asked him why he was arrested and he said it was his friends needle and baggie in his coat pocket that it was not his. From the strange things that had been going on I was a little skeptical of his explination. A few days later his roommate asked us if we could move his stuff out of the apartment because he had someone that he wanted to move in. With the charges pending we figured it could be awhile before my son was released from jail so we said sure we would come over whenever it was he was able to be there to let us in. I found needles and glass pipes in his bed, a plastic cup converted into a bong and more needles in a dresser, many empty butane bottles, and a bent spoon. Now i was a sheriffs deputie for 4 years back in the 90's so I knew what I was looking for and at. Now he is mad at me because I wrote to the judge and explained his past and why he was in this situation and asked that she consider placing him into counseling as part of his sentence, well she showed him the letter and now he is mad at me because he feels by sending this letter I abandoned him and now he wont talk to me. I have done everything I know to try and get him help. I have read a few posts on several blogs from parents of adult children who have addictions, and I don't want to be the parent who says the things I have read so far. I don't want to be the parent who comes on a forum like this when my son is 40 and say " I have seen my child relaps for the x amount of times, and I sure don't want to be the parent who's had to go to their childs funeral because they over dosed on drugs. I need help and advice from parens and family that have been there, I have no idea how to deal with this. HELP please.

Dee74

Hi Brad - welcome!

I'm sorry for your situation but there's help and support here.

I hope you'll also check out our family and friends forums - you'll find a lot of experience down there as well.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

sugarbear1

Of course he said all of that. He can't see reality. He sees what he wants at this point in time. You are and have done what you needed to do!

In time, he will see that you had his best interest at heart.

My friend's son was in a similar situation. He expected his dad (my friend) to bail him out. My friend let him serve his sentence. Today, that same son has since sent his dad a heartfelt letter of thanks for doing the right thing. He is married and employed and doing well. He learned that lesson well.

Have you considered Al Anon or Naranon? In person support along with SR (this site) can benefit you!!

Love & hugs,
~SB

least

Welcome to the family.

Your situation is heartbreaking, for sure. As Sugarbear said, he can't see reality right now and is just mad at being discovered. Stay your course. You're doing the right thing. Someday he will realize that and will thank you but for now, just try to detach yourself from his problems as much as you can.

And get some support for yourself. You're going thru a rough time and need it.

FreeOwl

you did the right thing, and you're doing the right thing now, reaching out for your own support.

your son's anger is not coming from HIM but from his addiction. He's down a deep well of despair right now and is in a whirlwind of his addiction's making.

Somewhere inside he remains and with some hope and faith and his own acknolwledgement of what's really gone down here - perhaps this awful time will turn out to be a blessing in that it may allow the real HIM the space away from addiction to face and accept and take actions to change.

I hope so!

Ann

You did the right thing, he's mad at you because he was perhaps hoping you would bail him out so he could continue to use.

I too am the mother of an addict active in his addition. I have received a lot of support from other parents on the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forum a little further down the page. Take a read down there too, especially the sticky posts at the top of the forum and you will find a lot of information that may help you as well as support from all the members here.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information