Recovery Mutt
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Recovery Mutt
I want to assure you I don't mean "mutt" in a negative way - I love rescue animals, and mixed breeds. But as we started this new forum, I was thinking about how I found (and continue to find) what works best for me when I was impacted by addictions in my life (one child spiraled down fast with drugs and the other had at least some binge drinking problems) I learned from lots of different recovery methods along the way. I read like crazy, looked at research - scientific studies, I spent lots of time on SR, and I did get to know real world people who became friends who shared things that helped them.
Like someone trying out new recipes, I experimented - I wasn't comfortable with some aspects of particular programs, I wasn't ready to say I practice x, or y or z. Meditation helped...inspirational and motivational readings helped - counseling, peer support, and definitely physical exercise. I had to learn things about myself that would help me not keep doing the same things I had been doing that didn't help me and didn't help my kids. Probably the biggest thing I learned was that lots of times I did things out of fear and trying to control to make the fear go away, when I thought it was out of love. I think I did that even before addiction came to my life, and now without it being so close, I still work on this in my day to day life.
I guess I'm like that in other aspects of my life too...never stuck to one version of yoga, one diet, one exercise program. I'm not a pure bred.
How about you? Are there particular programs that help you? Any you'd like to explore more? Do you follow one path or change course sometimes?
Like someone trying out new recipes, I experimented - I wasn't comfortable with some aspects of particular programs, I wasn't ready to say I practice x, or y or z. Meditation helped...inspirational and motivational readings helped - counseling, peer support, and definitely physical exercise. I had to learn things about myself that would help me not keep doing the same things I had been doing that didn't help me and didn't help my kids. Probably the biggest thing I learned was that lots of times I did things out of fear and trying to control to make the fear go away, when I thought it was out of love. I think I did that even before addiction came to my life, and now without it being so close, I still work on this in my day to day life.
I guess I'm like that in other aspects of my life too...never stuck to one version of yoga, one diet, one exercise program. I'm not a pure bred.
How about you? Are there particular programs that help you? Any you'd like to explore more? Do you follow one path or change course sometimes?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Funny, I just had this conversation with my RAH today. Like a lot of people we are both recovery mutts!
I do a little Alanon, a little research, a lot of focusing on my hobbies/interests, some piloted, and a whole lot of SR. I'm a much more relaxed and healthy person than I was a year ago.
I do a little Alanon, a little research, a lot of focusing on my hobbies/interests, some piloted, and a whole lot of SR. I'm a much more relaxed and healthy person than I was a year ago.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hi
I would be very interested in seeing what others have done to help themselves with their codependency. I am a double winner and when it comes to my own alcoholism I am a mutt. I work the AA program but I also incorporate some aspects of AVRT and Women For Sobriety.
When it comes to my loved ones, I use Al Anon all the way, not because I am closed minded but because I really cannot think of anything else and cannot afford therapy.
I can't wait to see what other tools people use, I love checking out new things and incorporating them in my recovery if they click with me
I would be very interested in seeing what others have done to help themselves with their codependency. I am a double winner and when it comes to my own alcoholism I am a mutt. I work the AA program but I also incorporate some aspects of AVRT and Women For Sobriety.
When it comes to my loved ones, I use Al Anon all the way, not because I am closed minded but because I really cannot think of anything else and cannot afford therapy.
I can't wait to see what other tools people use, I love checking out new things and incorporating them in my recovery if they click with me
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
My son is the alcoholic in my life.
I love the 3 A's. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action
I spent a lot of time on Awareness and Acceptance when I first joined SR.
It gets really tricky for me when it comes to Action.
I try to do the next right thing and try to use possible actions and outcomes to figure that out in each new situation. I don't always take the same action.
My emotions and risk make that very difficult at times.
I spent the last several years keeping my distance as my son went on his journey.
That changed recently. I spent some time sitting with him in the hospital when he detoxed and took him to classes. He is now at the point where he really doesn't want to continue drinking.
When he drank again I put him out in the cold because logically the decision to let him stay would not have changed anything for him and only harmed me. That was very emotional and risky for me, but it was a logical decision.
It took a lot of hard work on my part to learn to take risks that could result in my son's death.
He spent a few days hungry and cold and put himself in the hospital and will enter a 90 day program next week.
I love the 3 A's. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action
I spent a lot of time on Awareness and Acceptance when I first joined SR.
It gets really tricky for me when it comes to Action.
I try to do the next right thing and try to use possible actions and outcomes to figure that out in each new situation. I don't always take the same action.
My emotions and risk make that very difficult at times.
I spent the last several years keeping my distance as my son went on his journey.
That changed recently. I spent some time sitting with him in the hospital when he detoxed and took him to classes. He is now at the point where he really doesn't want to continue drinking.
When he drank again I put him out in the cold because logically the decision to let him stay would not have changed anything for him and only harmed me. That was very emotional and risky for me, but it was a logical decision.
It took a lot of hard work on my part to learn to take risks that could result in my son's death.
He spent a few days hungry and cold and put himself in the hospital and will enter a 90 day program next week.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 216
For me it has been therapy as a couple. If I could find time I still entertain the idea of alanon, but direct, in my face therapy is what I need right now. I need a pro. I also needed my AH to want to stop,
I don't know what you practice with a drinking partner, but morning glory, your action with your son is exactly where this tougher love approach should lead to. YOu were amazingly brave to stick with it!
I don't know what you practice with a drinking partner, but morning glory, your action with your son is exactly where this tougher love approach should lead to. YOu were amazingly brave to stick with it!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,432
Zen / Meditation and Yoga very helpful.
Exercise [Crossfit] / hiking with my dogs and enjoying Nature
Time alone to think and rest has been very important, and I journal at times.
Bodywork, especially deep tissue, helped me release a lot of past emotion.
I don't do any group stuff such as AA or RR, but except for one brief stint trying "moderation" to see if I could drink normally, all of the above protocols have worked very well to help me not drink for over 2 years now.
I think everyone has a different formula for recovery, and we should *try things to see what works or doesn't.
*The one exception for "trying things" would be using the substance again--that's what I did with my moderation experiment and I am glad I was able to stop quickly but have read on SR of many people who got lost for years.
Other things I try to do: eat well, drink herbal teas, take vitamins and milk thistle for liver recovery, get good sleep, try and get some sunshine, and not let myself get too stressed about anything.
Life feels so much better sober.
I am still emotionally somewhat flat, but I think that is slowly getting better--still, I am at peace and grateful to have made it out from the addiction.
I do not plan on ever going back again so one thing I always do now is pay attention to any conscious or unconscious "planning" on my part for relapse.
Exercise [Crossfit] / hiking with my dogs and enjoying Nature
Time alone to think and rest has been very important, and I journal at times.
Bodywork, especially deep tissue, helped me release a lot of past emotion.
I don't do any group stuff such as AA or RR, but except for one brief stint trying "moderation" to see if I could drink normally, all of the above protocols have worked very well to help me not drink for over 2 years now.
I think everyone has a different formula for recovery, and we should *try things to see what works or doesn't.
*The one exception for "trying things" would be using the substance again--that's what I did with my moderation experiment and I am glad I was able to stop quickly but have read on SR of many people who got lost for years.
Other things I try to do: eat well, drink herbal teas, take vitamins and milk thistle for liver recovery, get good sleep, try and get some sunshine, and not let myself get too stressed about anything.
Life feels so much better sober.
I am still emotionally somewhat flat, but I think that is slowly getting better--still, I am at peace and grateful to have made it out from the addiction.
I do not plan on ever going back again so one thing I always do now is pay attention to any conscious or unconscious "planning" on my part for relapse.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Face to face therapy for five years plus staying away from relationships while I sorted myself out helped me through identifying my own codependency and learning to value and love myself for the first time in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I think that I would follow any path that would make me feel better, make me stronger, more productive. Technically, I am an agnostic, but I can see some logic in the 12-step program although I have to modify certain parts. Accepting alcoholism as a disease was my first step, and I am aware I am not a doctor or a therapist and that I cannot fight this battle/disease alone.
And when I came here on this forum, some 3-4 years ago, I was actually looking for a magical solution - how to control my husband and his alcoholism. What I've learned made me both relieved and quite depressed. Relieved because I found out that I was in no way responsible and that I should not feel guilty. I found out that it was he who had to do something about it. And it made me depressed because I realized that there was absolutely nothing that I could do, that love was irrelevant, and that this ideal marriage I envisioned was nothing but a fairy tale. My husband has probably lied to me many many times, he was verbally abusive, he was baiting me, picking fights, and it was all part of this horrible, horrible disease.
And what to do next?
I have to prepare myself for the future, make myself as independent as possible, and it is so incredibly hard, because I do love my husband, but he is so incredibly stubborn. Even in pain (his gout is 100% alcohol related and pretty bad), he cannot cut, and there is absolutely no way that he is going to seek help. And how can I talk to him when he does not want to? And how can I just leave? And then, you see how his condition is getting worse, how he changes physically and psychologically, and you detach and detach and detach and dream of a better future that you must create.
And when I came here on this forum, some 3-4 years ago, I was actually looking for a magical solution - how to control my husband and his alcoholism. What I've learned made me both relieved and quite depressed. Relieved because I found out that I was in no way responsible and that I should not feel guilty. I found out that it was he who had to do something about it. And it made me depressed because I realized that there was absolutely nothing that I could do, that love was irrelevant, and that this ideal marriage I envisioned was nothing but a fairy tale. My husband has probably lied to me many many times, he was verbally abusive, he was baiting me, picking fights, and it was all part of this horrible, horrible disease.
And what to do next?
I have to prepare myself for the future, make myself as independent as possible, and it is so incredibly hard, because I do love my husband, but he is so incredibly stubborn. Even in pain (his gout is 100% alcohol related and pretty bad), he cannot cut, and there is absolutely no way that he is going to seek help. And how can I talk to him when he does not want to? And how can I just leave? And then, you see how his condition is getting worse, how he changes physically and psychologically, and you detach and detach and detach and dream of a better future that you must create.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
For me so far I have only used counseling for myself, and family counseling with my husband.
I was a little confused when I looked here at the new forum because at first I didnt know what the term secular meant. If you all do, then no laughing but when I looked it up said "not specifically religious" and then I read some of the description: rational thinking, positive lifestyle changes, self assessment, commitment and follow through, self acceptance, motives and goals. Sure enough, those are all things Im using right now.
I was a little confused when I looked here at the new forum because at first I didnt know what the term secular meant. If you all do, then no laughing but when I looked it up said "not specifically religious" and then I read some of the description: rational thinking, positive lifestyle changes, self assessment, commitment and follow through, self acceptance, motives and goals. Sure enough, those are all things Im using right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I think Mutt is a great term for how I approach this part of my life. I don't identify with any one movement, religion, recovery method or group. But I find that with each new thing that I discover, it leads me to the next & the next like a chain reaction. I started this self-work long before my RAH identified as an alcoholic, way back when I was a lost teen to a RAF struggling to find something I could identify with in this world. I was raised Catholic & it left a very bitter taste in my mouth for organized religion - between the religion itself & my extended family's extreme hyprocrisy, it was never a good "fit" for me.
I have spent a lot of time with yoga, meditation, reiki, massage therapy (going in for a new-to-me kind of massage tomorrow.... ashi fusion w/deep tissue/thai yoga), journaling, tarot, astronomy/astology, reading reading reading everything from fictional off-the-beaten-path stuff like Tom Robbins ("Jitterbug Perfume", etc. because he makes me THINK) to biographies of recovering A's & family members, to self-awareness stuff like "The Four Agreements", "Who Moved My Cheese" "The Shack", etc. In terms of understanding alcoholism I also read whatever scientific references cross my path - the psychology of it, the nature of the addiction, etc. I've taken to paying close attention to the Moon Cycles each month, I've incorporated pieces of things like feng shui, chakra work/tuning, EFT, crystal therapy, etc. into my day-to-day life for DD & I both. I find so many overlapping principals in all of these things.
Right now I am working on "connections".... it keeps popping up in my world - connections between my physical & spiritual body (tomorrow's massage should target the psoa muscle group which is a major link in the body to the most repressed emotions as well as being a major part of our physical body's core structure), connecting the upper & lower chakras, connecting my past lives' experiences with my current challenges.
I have spent a lot of time with yoga, meditation, reiki, massage therapy (going in for a new-to-me kind of massage tomorrow.... ashi fusion w/deep tissue/thai yoga), journaling, tarot, astronomy/astology, reading reading reading everything from fictional off-the-beaten-path stuff like Tom Robbins ("Jitterbug Perfume", etc. because he makes me THINK) to biographies of recovering A's & family members, to self-awareness stuff like "The Four Agreements", "Who Moved My Cheese" "The Shack", etc. In terms of understanding alcoholism I also read whatever scientific references cross my path - the psychology of it, the nature of the addiction, etc. I've taken to paying close attention to the Moon Cycles each month, I've incorporated pieces of things like feng shui, chakra work/tuning, EFT, crystal therapy, etc. into my day-to-day life for DD & I both. I find so many overlapping principals in all of these things.
Right now I am working on "connections".... it keeps popping up in my world - connections between my physical & spiritual body (tomorrow's massage should target the psoa muscle group which is a major link in the body to the most repressed emotions as well as being a major part of our physical body's core structure), connecting the upper & lower chakras, connecting my past lives' experiences with my current challenges.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
When I quit drugs I didn't work a 12 step program or go to rehab. My problem was pretty secret at the point that I quit. No one really knew about it because my husband was keeping it a secret for me and also paying for it. I admit that we are both extreme codependents.
I did get a place on my own, out of my in-laws and out of my mom and dads. It was mine. I had my own kitchen, space, peace. No one yelling at me.. causing unnecessary drama. I could not answer the phone and get the PEACE I never had. Before I moved out on my own I always had to hear, listen, deal with everyone elses problems. Now.. I had peace. I used it to self reflect and give myself positive affirmations.
I really did NOT want to be addicted anymore. I was done. I have to be honest... I did use the 12 steps... but I didn't know that I was. I didn't even know what they were!!! But a lot of the process of not giving in to buying pills .... were the 12 steps. HAHA... Well.. I guess I figured it out on my own... but still give all the credit to God. I know in my heart my addiction was a spiritual disease. I love myself now.. and when I was using I did not. Healing happens.
I did get a place on my own, out of my in-laws and out of my mom and dads. It was mine. I had my own kitchen, space, peace. No one yelling at me.. causing unnecessary drama. I could not answer the phone and get the PEACE I never had. Before I moved out on my own I always had to hear, listen, deal with everyone elses problems. Now.. I had peace. I used it to self reflect and give myself positive affirmations.
I really did NOT want to be addicted anymore. I was done. I have to be honest... I did use the 12 steps... but I didn't know that I was. I didn't even know what they were!!! But a lot of the process of not giving in to buying pills .... were the 12 steps. HAHA... Well.. I guess I figured it out on my own... but still give all the credit to God. I know in my heart my addiction was a spiritual disease. I love myself now.. and when I was using I did not. Healing happens.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
I go to Al-Anon, and the meetings are helpful. I also have ADHD and so there are things that I've had to learn like coping skills, communication with other people and how my own actions affect others around me. So, it's a mixed bag.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
