2 day binge. baby mama drama, long post
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 31
2 day binge. baby mama drama, long post
The Tuesday/Thursday pattern seems to have turned into a Thursday/Friday binge. This is a nightmare for me because ABF's 9 year old daughter comes over on Fridays.
Speaking of the 9 year old daughter, he mother decided over Christmas break to pull her out of her school, and move her and her brother in with her boyfriend and his 2 sons. It is now a 45 mile drive to pick her up. Her mom doesn't have a license or a job at this point.
We are late on rent b/c ABF's brakes went out last week, and he had to fix them. I had the money in my account and the check ready to turn in on Wednesday, when ABF comes home and says his alternator went out and he needs his money back, so we can't pay rent.
On Thursday, I drove him to the parts store, then the car place, then the parts store again because I refused to let him take my car. He kept wanting me to but I thought he was already drunk, and would just take my car to the liquor store.
I'm so afraid he'll get a DUI in my car. My uncle did that in my aunt's car, and they only had 1 payment left before it was paid off. It was impounded and then auctioned off. My car isn't worth anything (271,000 miles) but I can't afford to have it impounded, and I don't want to have Whiskey plates because of someone else's DUI (I know someone who had that issue as well)
So he ended up driving to the liquor store, and was already drunk before this all started. I found 2 empty pint vodka bottles, a 24oz PBR can, and one of those mini shots you buy at the counter. Then I was sorting laundry and there was a half-full pint bottle right on top. (When he was going to the store, I was searching for bottles, and the hamper was empty) I picked it up and he asked "what is it?" I said it was a bottle of vodka and just held it there. My first instinct was to dump it out but then I thought I should just let him do what he's going to do and not try and control it. He reluctantly took it, and I took a long shower. When I came out, it was sitting on the counter. He drank it and then refilled it with water.
This part drives me crazy! He lies when there is absolutely no way he can get away with it. I think it somehow makes him feel better. It makes me way angrier, because I find it insulting, but I can't get that into his head. He just won't listen. Anywho, he passed out. I took the rugs out of the bathroom. He woke up and peed all over the bathroom floor. I cleaned it up. I slept in his daughter's bed and after he was done puking, he tried to make me go to bed with him. He told me that nobody wants me in that bed, it wasn't mine.
I just bought the bed for his daughter for Christmas. He still owes me his half.
He eventually left me alone and I had a wonderful night's sleep.
That was Thursday.
Friday, I worked 7-3 but didn't get out until 4 because it was really busy. I got home at 4:30 to find out that we were also going to have ABF's daughter's little brother for the night. I didn't feel like driving but he refused. I knew he had been drinking, but he's pretty high functioning, so he wasn't slurring his words or stumbling. I drove the 45 miles and get to this house. The kid's mom was calling when I pulled up, and really crabby when I said that I couldn't get there earlier because I worked late. We go inside, and she didn't even come to the door. I stood there for like 5 minutes feeling awkward and not sure of what to do. Do I stand by the door? Do I go in and talk to her? She came out and I said something to her and she completely ignored me and said something to ABF. She eventually made eye contact with me and then told us not to tell her EX that we have his son. WTF???
How did I get roped into all of this? Not only am in enabling my ABF by driving around for him and letting him use my car so he can keep drinking and not worry about fixing his, but now I'm getting in the middle of someone's divorce? While we were there, there was a knock at the door. It was her divorce papers. We got outta there and drove the hour home. I said we should call and order pizza and pick it up when we get into town, but ABF insisted on going home first and then picking it up. I was so exhausted that I let him. He came home with the pizzas, turned on the oven, and passed out.
I didn't realize it at first. I was playing minecraft with the kids and noticed he was gone, but I thought he was out in his car drinking. I didn't realize he was already that drunk. His daughter was doing a craft at the table and there was a plastic grocery bag sitting there. It contained 1 pint and 2 half pint bottles.I took them into the bedroom and there was a full pint of vodka next to the bed. I have terrible anxiety but haven't had many panic attacks since starting Zoloft in September. When he drinks and we have kids here, it's the worst for me. I immediately started shaking. I took 1/4 of a klonopin my sister gave me a while back. Then I took 2 sips of the vodka before pouring it out.
I started to save the bottles on Thursday. I'm dating them and putting them in a box. I don't want to throw it in his face, but maybe just have them for myself. Maybe really see the extent of it. it's been 2 days and there's already like 6 bottles in there. How can a person drink that much in 2 days?
I blew up at him this morning, and then we went to drop off the kids half way. The mom did the same thing. First she failed to tell us she'd be somewhere else than we normally meet, then she didn't come out to say anything to us again. This girl is nuts. We met her at this guys house who she was dating just before she's dating the new guy she moved the kids in with. Her and her husband haven't been separated very long at all and now she's talking about marrying this new guy. Her son cried when we had to leave and said he hated going home. When we got there he said 'this isn't my home!!' He wants to live with his dad, and his dad has a lawyer and is trying to make that happen. I hope he gets it. He's living with his sister and her husband and their kids.
As for my ABF's daughter, who knows? Both her parents are phucked, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
On the bright side, I'm starting another class on Monday. Anatomy/Physiology 1. After this semester, I only need 3 classes and then can start applying for nursing programs. My work will help me pay for it if I do well enough.
I'm scared I won't be able to make it on my own. Work, school, and rent. I don't want to be dealing with this BS in 5 years and have kids too. I want kids, but I can't imagine having them in these circumstances. I'm afraid if I stay, I'll miss my chance. I'm still stuck though. I'm behind on all my bills, my car is about to die, and my credit card is almost maxed out.
To anyone who read this entire post, THANK YOU! I know it was really long and sometimes scattered. I had to get out the whole story though.
Anyone know of any good books that may help me?
Speaking of the 9 year old daughter, he mother decided over Christmas break to pull her out of her school, and move her and her brother in with her boyfriend and his 2 sons. It is now a 45 mile drive to pick her up. Her mom doesn't have a license or a job at this point.
We are late on rent b/c ABF's brakes went out last week, and he had to fix them. I had the money in my account and the check ready to turn in on Wednesday, when ABF comes home and says his alternator went out and he needs his money back, so we can't pay rent.
On Thursday, I drove him to the parts store, then the car place, then the parts store again because I refused to let him take my car. He kept wanting me to but I thought he was already drunk, and would just take my car to the liquor store.
I'm so afraid he'll get a DUI in my car. My uncle did that in my aunt's car, and they only had 1 payment left before it was paid off. It was impounded and then auctioned off. My car isn't worth anything (271,000 miles) but I can't afford to have it impounded, and I don't want to have Whiskey plates because of someone else's DUI (I know someone who had that issue as well)
So he ended up driving to the liquor store, and was already drunk before this all started. I found 2 empty pint vodka bottles, a 24oz PBR can, and one of those mini shots you buy at the counter. Then I was sorting laundry and there was a half-full pint bottle right on top. (When he was going to the store, I was searching for bottles, and the hamper was empty) I picked it up and he asked "what is it?" I said it was a bottle of vodka and just held it there. My first instinct was to dump it out but then I thought I should just let him do what he's going to do and not try and control it. He reluctantly took it, and I took a long shower. When I came out, it was sitting on the counter. He drank it and then refilled it with water.
This part drives me crazy! He lies when there is absolutely no way he can get away with it. I think it somehow makes him feel better. It makes me way angrier, because I find it insulting, but I can't get that into his head. He just won't listen. Anywho, he passed out. I took the rugs out of the bathroom. He woke up and peed all over the bathroom floor. I cleaned it up. I slept in his daughter's bed and after he was done puking, he tried to make me go to bed with him. He told me that nobody wants me in that bed, it wasn't mine.
I just bought the bed for his daughter for Christmas. He still owes me his half.
He eventually left me alone and I had a wonderful night's sleep.
That was Thursday.
Friday, I worked 7-3 but didn't get out until 4 because it was really busy. I got home at 4:30 to find out that we were also going to have ABF's daughter's little brother for the night. I didn't feel like driving but he refused. I knew he had been drinking, but he's pretty high functioning, so he wasn't slurring his words or stumbling. I drove the 45 miles and get to this house. The kid's mom was calling when I pulled up, and really crabby when I said that I couldn't get there earlier because I worked late. We go inside, and she didn't even come to the door. I stood there for like 5 minutes feeling awkward and not sure of what to do. Do I stand by the door? Do I go in and talk to her? She came out and I said something to her and she completely ignored me and said something to ABF. She eventually made eye contact with me and then told us not to tell her EX that we have his son. WTF???
How did I get roped into all of this? Not only am in enabling my ABF by driving around for him and letting him use my car so he can keep drinking and not worry about fixing his, but now I'm getting in the middle of someone's divorce? While we were there, there was a knock at the door. It was her divorce papers. We got outta there and drove the hour home. I said we should call and order pizza and pick it up when we get into town, but ABF insisted on going home first and then picking it up. I was so exhausted that I let him. He came home with the pizzas, turned on the oven, and passed out.
I didn't realize it at first. I was playing minecraft with the kids and noticed he was gone, but I thought he was out in his car drinking. I didn't realize he was already that drunk. His daughter was doing a craft at the table and there was a plastic grocery bag sitting there. It contained 1 pint and 2 half pint bottles.I took them into the bedroom and there was a full pint of vodka next to the bed. I have terrible anxiety but haven't had many panic attacks since starting Zoloft in September. When he drinks and we have kids here, it's the worst for me. I immediately started shaking. I took 1/4 of a klonopin my sister gave me a while back. Then I took 2 sips of the vodka before pouring it out.
I started to save the bottles on Thursday. I'm dating them and putting them in a box. I don't want to throw it in his face, but maybe just have them for myself. Maybe really see the extent of it. it's been 2 days and there's already like 6 bottles in there. How can a person drink that much in 2 days?
I blew up at him this morning, and then we went to drop off the kids half way. The mom did the same thing. First she failed to tell us she'd be somewhere else than we normally meet, then she didn't come out to say anything to us again. This girl is nuts. We met her at this guys house who she was dating just before she's dating the new guy she moved the kids in with. Her and her husband haven't been separated very long at all and now she's talking about marrying this new guy. Her son cried when we had to leave and said he hated going home. When we got there he said 'this isn't my home!!' He wants to live with his dad, and his dad has a lawyer and is trying to make that happen. I hope he gets it. He's living with his sister and her husband and their kids.
As for my ABF's daughter, who knows? Both her parents are phucked, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
On the bright side, I'm starting another class on Monday. Anatomy/Physiology 1. After this semester, I only need 3 classes and then can start applying for nursing programs. My work will help me pay for it if I do well enough.
I'm scared I won't be able to make it on my own. Work, school, and rent. I don't want to be dealing with this BS in 5 years and have kids too. I want kids, but I can't imagine having them in these circumstances. I'm afraid if I stay, I'll miss my chance. I'm still stuck though. I'm behind on all my bills, my car is about to die, and my credit card is almost maxed out.
To anyone who read this entire post, THANK YOU! I know it was really long and sometimes scattered. I had to get out the whole story though.
Anyone know of any good books that may help me?
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
On the bright side, I'm starting another class on Monday. Anatomy/Physiology 1. After this semester, I only need 3 classes and then can start applying for nursing programs. My work will help me pay for it if I do well enough.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
I dated a guy who was a drunk and drug addict who has two children. I love them to this day, but let's just say it ended very, very badly. He was a user, and it sounds like your BF and his daughter's mom are too. What do you think saving bottles is going to accomplish? He knows he's drinking and so do you. I know you care for the kids, but nothing is going to change until he decides that he wants to get better.
Don't be afraid about making it on your own. Right now you're taking care of him, his kid AND yourself. What if it were just you? It sounds like you are working very hard toward your career goals. Don't let this relationship derail you.
Don't be afraid about making it on your own. Right now you're taking care of him, his kid AND yourself. What if it were just you? It sounds like you are working very hard toward your career goals. Don't let this relationship derail you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
You stated he is a "functional alcoholic" yet he is passing out on the bathroom floor and peeing. I think he has a serious problem. By the way, I'm curious as to what Whiskey plates are? I never heard of it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I'm scared I won't be able to make it on my own. Work, school, and rent. I don't want to be dealing with this BS in 5 years and have kids too. I want kids, but I can't imagine having them in these circumstances. I'm afraid if I stay, I'll miss my chance. I'm still stuck though. I'm behind on all my bills, my car is about to die, and my credit card is almost maxed out.
You're already on your own. This is as good as this relationship is going to get. If you stay, you will be dealing with much worse than this 5 years down the road. You are missing your chance at a normal, happy life by staying. The kids, sad as the situation is for them, are not truly your responsibility. You may want to call CPS once you leave and alert them to the situation. That is the only way you'll be able to protect them. Staying with him and dealing with this as it spirals further down is not going to help anyone- not you, not him, not the kids.
Get some help for yourself so you don't go directly from this situation to something similar or worse. You got roped into this because, like most of us here, your "picker" is faulty. You can start working on yourself now, even if you choose to stay. Alanon or individual therapy might be a good way to start "unsticking" yourself from all this drama. Best wishes.
You're already on your own. This is as good as this relationship is going to get. If you stay, you will be dealing with much worse than this 5 years down the road. You are missing your chance at a normal, happy life by staying. The kids, sad as the situation is for them, are not truly your responsibility. You may want to call CPS once you leave and alert them to the situation. That is the only way you'll be able to protect them. Staying with him and dealing with this as it spirals further down is not going to help anyone- not you, not him, not the kids.
Get some help for yourself so you don't go directly from this situation to something similar or worse. You got roped into this because, like most of us here, your "picker" is faulty. You can start working on yourself now, even if you choose to stay. Alanon or individual therapy might be a good way to start "unsticking" yourself from all this drama. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
I'm sorry you are going through this, but my question is
why are you going through this?
What kind of future do you think you will have even in the short term with this man?
He shows no desire or signs to stop drinking, and as you yourself note, he uses your car
because you let him, despite knowing it may be impounded.
Can you get by without a car?
Sounds like you don't have credit or means to get another, and doubt he will be helping with that.
Alcoholism is progressive, so it isn't gonna be better than this. Most likely much much worse.
So what has to happen for you to step off this crazy train?
I'm not trying to be unkind, just giving you a bit of a mirror.
Please do what you need to do to put yourself first here. . .
why are you going through this?
What kind of future do you think you will have even in the short term with this man?
He shows no desire or signs to stop drinking, and as you yourself note, he uses your car
because you let him, despite knowing it may be impounded.
Can you get by without a car?
Sounds like you don't have credit or means to get another, and doubt he will be helping with that.
Alcoholism is progressive, so it isn't gonna be better than this. Most likely much much worse.
So what has to happen for you to step off this crazy train?
I'm not trying to be unkind, just giving you a bit of a mirror.
Please do what you need to do to put yourself first here. . .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
I'm sorry you are going through this, but my question is
why are you going through this?
What kind of future do you think you will have even in the short term with this man?
He shows no desire or signs to stop drinking, and as you yourself note, he uses your car
because you let him, despite knowing it may be impounded.
Can you get by without a car?
Sounds like you don't have credit or means to get another, and doubt he will be helping with that.
Alcoholism is progressive, so it isn't gonna be better than this. Most likely much much worse.
So what has to happen for you to step off this crazy train?
I'm not trying to be unkind, just giving you a bit of a mirror.
Please do what you need to do to put yourself first here. . .
why are you going through this?
What kind of future do you think you will have even in the short term with this man?
He shows no desire or signs to stop drinking, and as you yourself note, he uses your car
because you let him, despite knowing it may be impounded.
Can you get by without a car?
Sounds like you don't have credit or means to get another, and doubt he will be helping with that.
Alcoholism is progressive, so it isn't gonna be better than this. Most likely much much worse.
So what has to happen for you to step off this crazy train?
I'm not trying to be unkind, just giving you a bit of a mirror.
Please do what you need to do to put yourself first here. . .
Stay on this train and you'll see yr goals turn to so much dust in the wind.
The more you enable and support him, the less he'll respect you and will care less about passing out and lying whenever, the more he does that the less he respects himself so the less he cares about drinking himself to death.
Sorry but as an ex train driver, that's the long and the short of it.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Worriedmind, I'm so sorry you're stuck in this rut. I agree with the other posters that your boyfriend is dragging you down, rather than contributing to your life. How can you be worse off on your own? Seriously.
It's awful about the children, with 2 deadbeat parents, but it's not your fight. Sorry if that sounds raw.
Live your own life which is constructive and positive.
It's awful about the children, with 2 deadbeat parents, but it's not your fight. Sorry if that sounds raw.
Live your own life which is constructive and positive.
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