scintillady

As I said in the title, I know I should give up drinking, but it seems that I'm not really ready to do it yet. If I was, I would do it, since usually I'm very strong and do whatever I set my mind to. I really enjoy drinking. I've cut way down and don't get drunk any more, but I enjoy my glass or two of wine after work. I work the evening shift and get out at 10 PM. I usually have a couple of glasses of wine. I don't drink around my daughter or family, never drink when I go out (mainly because I'm too cheap to spend the money, but also because I won't get behind the wheel of a car with even an ounce of wine in me), but always have wine when I get home. I think I need to find someone to prescribe me antabuse in order to make a start on it. It would take the decision out of my hands for now. I know it has worked for others, so maybe it would work for me. Every morning I tell myself I'm not going to drink tonight, and almost every evening I end up stopping for a bottle of wine.

SlickRick07

To be successful, you truly have to want to quit. If you don't, you will never quit drinking. You need to figure out the priorities in your life and what is truly important.

ImperfectlyMe

So it stuck me instantly why is it that you know you need to stop drinking? There has to be something that's bothering you enough to join a recovery forum, are you really enjoying it? Or drinking for another reason?

coming_clean

for me moderation with substances never worked...

Dee74

Go back and read your first posts here scintillady - I think it might be good to remember why you joined SR in the first place?

D

least

I was afraid to quit drinking, didn't know what I'd do with my time if I didn't drink. But I found out that living sober is its own reward.

PurpleKnight

I wasn't really READY to quit either, but that decision was postponed for 4/5 years, eventually I NEEDED to quit!!

My concern is you mentioned your "strong and do whatever I set my mind to" but then "Every morning I tell myself I'm not going to drink tonight, and almost every evening I end up stopping for a bottle of wine" . . . those sentances don't sound sound very compatible with each other!!

Though you gotta make a decision as to what is the best way forward for you!!

Thepatman

I can certainly understand. Quitting is scary stuff. I was petrified of quitting because I thought I could never, relax, have fun etc without a drink.

29 days and I now realize that dealing with stress is easier than I thought. Specially without the anxiety I had from constantly thinking about my health, money, etc.

As for the fun part, it is not the same fun as before. I just like simple things now.

Hope you find out that living without daily Alcohol is possible.

BeachLiving

The problem is if the moderate/control drinking gets worse over the years like it did for me. If I could go back and quit when I was only having 3 drinks a night it would have been a lot easier. I started drinking when I was 37 and I wish I had never started.

Hawkeye13

I tried moderation repeatedly without success.
I'd do well for awhile, but then overdo it.

Then I quit almost two years and thought I could moderate again.

Turns out I couldn't.
Maybe you are the exception, but that seems to be the most common outcome
I've read about here and heard from others.

Some people can drink without having problems with alcohol, but some of us just can't.
Not fair but that's how it is.

So if alcohol is an on-going problem for you, you may need to rethink this decision to moderate.

On a happy note, I have found not drinking to be fantastic after first withdrawals.
I love feeling good everyday and have found lots to do with the extra time.
So I don't miss the stress of either drinking, or trying to "moderate" drinking
Best to you scintillady--

Imabuleva

If you are not an alcoholic, then moderation can work just fine. But if you are an alcoholic, attempting moderation leads to hell. The kind of hell that occurs when one can't keep drinking because the habit is unsustainable, yet one can't stop drinking because withdrawal symptoms can kill you.

I'm an alcoholic. I don't know how many times I've proven to myself that I can't moderate.

Mentium

Someone said something tonight - one of those things that make a light go on. They said 'If drinking is costing you more than money then you probably need to do something about it'.

Wise words.

scintillady

I'm sure I am an alcoholic, so I know I have to stop. I just don't know if I can do it quite yet. I know I won't be able to keep up moderating and will eventually end up where I started when I joined this forum. I have been able to do just about everything else I set my mind to. I know I'm drinking right now to relieve stress. This has been the most stressful few months in my life. First my landlord of 5.5 years starting acting weird and making my life miserable, then my partner/ BF decided to move out because of stress between his kids and my dog (He SAID, but wasn't being honest with me). Had to pay the same rent he and I were paying even though I had to pay it by myself, for 2 months. Then landlords made me pay rent for December even though I wasn't living there, so double rent for December. New roommate in an apartment that's too small for her and I and 2 dogs and a cat. Moving every day of my 10 day vacation, throwing away stuff I have had for years that I have no room for, being $350.00 in the negative in my checking account and no way to pay it back, phone cut off because I can't pay the bill, Medical bills going into collections, borrowing $700.00 from my daughter just to get by. Car won't pass inspection and can't afford to fix it, so probably will get a ticket, car insurance cancelled due to non payment, and I could go on and on but the list is long enough for you to get it by now. I know drinking is not the answer, but makes life bearable for right now. Need to get a new psychiatrist to prescribe me new meds for depression. Am seeing a therapist but haven't been able to go for awhile because of finances. I just turned 57 and have worked really hard all my life and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Sorry for the pity party, but it helps to get it out. I feel like I will be able to do something about my alcohol use soon. I did it before, and I hope to do it again.

Mentium

There isn't a problem that alcohol makes better and it will make a whole lot of them worse. For some of us - many perhaps - the personal desire to stop drinking simply doesn't do it. It is a fierce addiction! AA takes this view. Have you tried attending an AA meeting? Nobody will force you to stop there, but for many people a message sinks in and they find a route to sober living and recovery there.


Take care and all the best.

Marcher13

Scintillady we are about the same age. I found it really helpful to look inside myself and be honest with myself about what I drank and how often, I was very good at convincing myself I was "just fine" because I got up and went to work each day. I was also very good at nominating future dates to stop, basically at a time when all the planets and stars lined up in good karma for me.

Last March I put the glass down, I've been sober since. Amazingly, the planets and stars have lined up in good karma for me very often since that date.

I wish the same for you.

Renarde

There is never a perfect time to quit, really. Once i had a little bit of sober time under my belt I realized that I coped with everything better when I had more energy and a clear head. There will always be a million reasons why we can't quit. I found my life was easier to manage sober.

Threshold

[QUOTE=scintillady;4392110]I'm sure I am an alcoholic, so I know I have to stop. I just don't know if I can do it quite yet. /QUOTE]

It won't get easier if you keep on drinking. It will get harder...when it comes to booze it truly is easier to quit while you are ahead.

You are having a lot of stress, and it may seem like booze is helping you "deal"...one of the lies of alcoholism...along with "now isn't the right time" etc.

NO ONE I have ever met has said...dang, I wish I would have kept drinking longer, it really would have made things easier...or that being drunk helped them survive a divorce, job loss, illness etc.

But I hear many people say they wish they'd A)never started, B) quit sooner, C) not started drinking again thinking surely NOW they could handle it.

There is NO better time to take good care of yourself than right this minute!

Glad to have you here!

Mountainmanbob

even though when leaving treatment years ago they recommended antabuse
which I turned down
I have seen antabuse give many a good start on sobriety

MB

autan

Unfortunately theres never a good time to quit drinking. I don't think anyone is ready to do it. I have heard and read a lot about reaching "rock bottom".
In reaching the very bottom, this has motivated people to quit drinking.

I am sorry, but I didn't want to hit rock bottom, I don't want to lose my family, job and home, because of drinking. I am capable of taking action before I have to mandatory have to do it.

There is a poster on hear (Out of deep respect, I will not call him/her out), but they have had a very very difficult 8 months, with medical problems related to alcohol. Reading their posts, you can feel everything their feeling, their fears, regrets, apprehension and eventual resignation that maybe they let things go on to long and too far, before any symptoms started to appear.

They would trade places with either of us and many on SR if they could, because we got out from being under the influence of alcohol before it did any damage we couldn't walk away from.

If you have a chance to stop, take it and don't look back.

huntingtontx

I have never seen a problem that can not be made worse by drinking. Just my thoughts. I am here because I don't want to drink, and I count on those here to support me. They do a great job. Alcohol tells you it is your friend, it will calm you down, help you handle things, etc. Alcohol lies. It makes you act stupid, think stupid and then pay money for its company. Talk about not being a good friend. I hope you can stop on your own, with the help of SR or AA or whatever it takes. I will keep you in my prayers.