peacelovesober

I currently am 14 months sober. I want to work step 4 and I currently have no sponsor. Can someone give me an idea of where to start. I have a defect checklist but I just want to hear someone,s ideas.

And yes. I know that I should have a sponsor but I don't so that is the reality.

Caldus

Well, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but ... to do any of the steps properly, you need to work on them with a sponsor. Anyway, the Big Book talks about it. Read pages 63 (last paragraph on 63) - 71.

Carlotta

Check out this site
4th step guide - fourth step inventory - Big Book Study Worksheets - 4th step inventory
Just a suggestion, make sure that you do the 5th step immediately after you finish your fourth. You do not want to carry some of that garbage around

peacelovesober

Awesome Carlatta. I really appreciate it. It's going to be an awesome Sunday cause I got some inventory to do....That is great information and I am motivated to do some work. I feel it's needed to clear out some of the energy that's bouncing around inside.

Have an awesome night and for now it's time to rest the soul

mick3580

If you understand the directions in the big book, you do not need a sponsor. If you don't, a sponsor could help. The directions for all steps are in one book. The book Alcoholics Anonymous.

KyrieEleison

I love Don P.'s talks on inventory. You can find his workshops on XA speakers.

http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb....n=file&id=2586

Don P. from Aurora, CO speaking on steps 3 and 4 at The Big Book - A Spiritual Journey workshop at Mount Manresa in Staten Island NY - December 19th 2003

Gal220

Step four is SO much more than a list of character defects. It's an inventory of resentments and fears. It reveals to us patterns in our behavior and our drinking, and allows us to see how we have harmed ourselves and others. We begin to see reasons why we drank. We see what we are responsible for and what we are not. We see how what others have done to us effected us positively and negatively. We come out of it hopefully with an accurate picture of our assets as well as our defects - it's not all negative.

My first fourth step I did without an official sponsor, but a friend in recovery started me on it. Afterwards I freaked out and never did a fifth with anyone. It was years (some drinking, some sober) and two more fourths before I finally did a fifth. I would NOT recommend that. I suffered for years, wallowing in guilt. I would echo the advice to do a fifth immediately after finishing your fourth. So if you don't have a sponsor, I'd suggest setting up your 5th with someone now (a therapist or clergyman are often suggested). Having an appointment already made will also help you get it done. That's one of the dangers of attempting a fourth solo - getting half way through and backing out.

But I don't see why you can't just follow the directions in the Big Book. The only steps that really require another person are five, nine, and twelve. Having a sponsor as a guide is helpful and keeps me from going off the rails, but if it's not an option for you, don't let that stop you from doing the work and getting well.

If you want more than the Big Book directions, there are a lot of workbooks and inventory worksheets out there. One of my sponsors had me answer 253 questions about my life (I think it was taken from a rehab program). I would NOT recommend that. It was tedious and not helpful. A lot of the questions didn't really apply to me, and it took me a LONG time to finish. It was too much time.

I did a quick Google search and these three inventory worksheets popped up. I haven't really looked at them except for a brief glance, but they might be worth checking out.
step12.com/step-4.html‎
www.12step.org/docs/Step4_Inventory.pdf‎
http://www.sdrconsortium.org/assets/...ory.pdf‎

Good luck! And of course you can always post here for help!

muvinon

First things first is a very good slogan.

Get a sponsor.

peacelovesober

Thanks again for all the help all. Loud and clear about the sponsor. I moved far from my home group and I am not in a new one in which I feel home. I am cautious about who I invite into the deepest part of my life so the right person has not came along. But I do not believe at all that should prevent my work.

So thanks all. I have a large cup of coffee, and my big book so here goes.

Carlotta

Amen
Speaking of which, if you contact your local Catholic church some priests and nuns are trained into hearing a 5th.

safe2breathe

although no where in the first 164 pgs of Alcoholics Anonymous does it mention a sponsor - it does, however, in the first 88 pages- reference working with other alcoholics 123 times.... i believe a good sponsor can be very supportive and helpful and with that said you may need someone like that in the steps to follow.

safe2breathe

just a thought - and im sure this may open some kind of can - but whatever-- step 5 is about being completely honest with somebody ... it doesnt say who - it actually goes into great detail about possibilities but never specifies who -- i also dont remember it ever saying specifically - IN PERSON... would you be entirely uncomfortable telling someone you do not know at all and has no knowledge of you --- i imagine there are plenty of people - myself included who would be more than happy to figure out some way to get you through 5, 6, and 7.

Fluttering

Someone said somthing in a meeting that really struck a cord to this INDEPENDENT rebel who thot she could do it all by herself

"You can't fix a broken thunker with a broken thunker"..I know I had a broken thunker or I wouldn't be here so I really needed a sponsor or mentor who had been thru the steps to guide me thru them and to help me get that broken down thunker back on track when it kept bolting off line with those old acquaintances that jump in and bed down and then yammer at me...those old friends that go by the names "Justification, Rationalization, Denial...and there are a few others" When they were in residence there was no way I could have done an honest and thorough inventory so it really did help to have some one to call that I could trust to bounce things off of

The book says "TRUST GOD AND CLEAN HOUSE"

My understanding of that today is that when I trust God completely He will lead me to those persons that are trustworthy...So I might suggest you ask Him to lead you in that direction

My experience has been that the prayer does work...He does answer ...there is no waiting line and no answering machine...no message to call back another time..

Best of luck to ya and may the 4th be with you

soberhal9

Step #4 - Made a searching and fearless Moral inventory of ourselves. This is a step which should be taken with the assistance of a sponsor, or counselor who is well experienced in this changed life - due to the capacity of the alcoholic to find justification for about anything - a sponsor can bring up through sharing - many various moral weaknesses which need attention in their life and can smooth the way for the alcoholic to examine them in a frank fashion. The next step suggests that someone is helping with step #4 - since it reads as follows:

Step #5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact NATURE of our wrongs.

We put ourselves on record and leave no options nor reservations! Note that it states, NATURE of our wrongs- not the wrongs themselves! We are not required to narrate details of our many indiscretions. Many of them we don't even remember, nor are conscious of. This is not a laundry for dirty linen, this is recognition of character defects which need elimination or adjustments! - by Clarence Snyder (early AA member).


From my own experience I did the fourth step by writing down-harms done(including sexual relations)/resentments/fears. I wrote it down on paper and the power is in the sharing with my sponsor. WE got down to what my character defects were and what my assets were. The format is not important the healing is in the sharing.

TigerLili

If you look for the Joe and Charlie steps guide on the XA speakers site, they will help you (as well as be hilarious).

In a perfect world, we'd quickly find the perfect sponsor and skip off into the sunset holding hands forever. In reality, it can be hard to find a sponsor, let alone one who actually works the Steps as outlined in the book.

I have not done an entire step 5 with a sponsor. Some of my step 5 I did with my shrink. Some I did with someone else in the programme that I knew had dealt with the same issue. There is one thing I absolutely would not discuss with anyone other than my shrink at this stage. I could not bear to have a well meaning sponsor say something dismissive or invalidating by accident. So basically I'm saying I got my step 5 done, but not with the one person.

Maybe see if you can find a drug and alcohol counsellor who works with the AA model who would be willing to have some sessions with you to work through steps 4 and 5.

I understand about trust. There is one person in the rooms that I have told not to come near me again or I'll call the police on her (and I am a pretty relaxed tolerant person) and another person I actually have had to go to the police about.

Just because someone is in AA and says all the right things doesn't mean they are recovered, or even mentally healthy and stable. You don't have to let your sponsor into the deepest parts, but you do need to find someone who you can. And sooner rather than later would be my recommendation.

TigerLili

Also look around your area for a Steps Workshop, or even a meeting that focuses on the Steps. We have Steps meetings and Big Book Study meetings. Those would be good places to go to find a sponsor.