Ready to start for real
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 4
Ready to start for real
Hello friends. I posted the first time a while back after a nasty black out and fight with my husband. I was sure I wanted to stop drinking and knew I needed to, but for whatever reason I didn't buckle down and force myself to clean up.
Today I am sitting at my desk feeling like a train wreck, with a big knot on my forehead that I have no clue where came from, as I remember almost nothing about last night. I am completely horrified that I get so out of control and scared that I simply cannot remember how I hit my head. My god!!!
Suppose I am just posting as a true affirmation and promise to myself that I have to get my act together. Won't be easy and I'm embarrassed and resentful that I can't control my drinking like most people seem to do so easilly. I'm only 26 and I don't want to look back and not remember anything except filling my glass with cheap boxed wine and waking up wondering wtf happened.
Thanks for reading and the support.
Today I am sitting at my desk feeling like a train wreck, with a big knot on my forehead that I have no clue where came from, as I remember almost nothing about last night. I am completely horrified that I get so out of control and scared that I simply cannot remember how I hit my head. My god!!!
Suppose I am just posting as a true affirmation and promise to myself that I have to get my act together. Won't be easy and I'm embarrassed and resentful that I can't control my drinking like most people seem to do so easilly. I'm only 26 and I don't want to look back and not remember anything except filling my glass with cheap boxed wine and waking up wondering wtf happened.
Thanks for reading and the support.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Sorry for your pain and that you are having a hard time.The illusion that we could drink like normal people has to be smashed and I like you tried over and over again to drink succesfully.The results were always the same.Many a morning I have woken up wonderin where I got the bruises or what I had done or said.I remember how terrifying it was.Do you have a plan for your recovery ?Such as a support group or rehab ? I tried over and over to get recovery by myself and it just didnt work for me..I wish you well with your desire to stop drinking.Hang in there ! I am pullin for you ! Prayers 
Trish
Trish
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Escondido, CA
Posts: 9
been there, done that
hi,
i lost count a long time ago on the black outs. as everything else, i made excuses for them too...oh, i was just to tired, or stressed or whoever ticked me off.........never would i admit the alcohol caused them.
i'm on day four...i'm a bender(sp) drinker, and can go days or weeks without a drink, then when i do....look out!! i hide the complete picture from friends that too, can drink 'normally' and continue my binge after the party when i get home, into the rest of the weekend, following week......but now, as i'm really trying to make an effort to stop.....it's all i can think about!!
i am finding myself in here more and more as the urge is just screaming at me that it's ok....NOT.....reading these posts is helping me more than i can say....hang in there, this site is a God send.....we are all helping eachother
i can't say it enough......i thank everyone here
i lost count a long time ago on the black outs. as everything else, i made excuses for them too...oh, i was just to tired, or stressed or whoever ticked me off.........never would i admit the alcohol caused them.
i'm on day four...i'm a bender(sp) drinker, and can go days or weeks without a drink, then when i do....look out!! i hide the complete picture from friends that too, can drink 'normally' and continue my binge after the party when i get home, into the rest of the weekend, following week......but now, as i'm really trying to make an effort to stop.....it's all i can think about!!
i am finding myself in here more and more as the urge is just screaming at me that it's ok....NOT.....reading these posts is helping me more than i can say....hang in there, this site is a God send.....we are all helping eachother
i can't say it enough......i thank everyone here
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
I don't like recounting my war stories.
But here's a quick condensed version of one. And I'm a charter member of binges r' us.
I woke up one morning around 5 am. I was looking at a 600 mile round trip with an 18 wheeler. My boss asked me where I got the black eyes. Dunno.
By the time I got to my turnaround point, I'm in full blown withdrawal. I made it back without killing anyone, or myself. I stopped at the liquor store on the way home that night. Lock the door when I get home and walk downstairs where I had done my drinking the night before.
The place was trashed. TV busted wide open. Furniture sawed in half.
I was the only one in the house, as my wife and kids had been out of town.
Blackout... I gave myself the blackeyes in an unconcious blind rage.
I sat down, opened the vodka bottle and drank, wondering what I would do later.
I'm grateful for my recovery today.
Thanks for letting me share.
But here's a quick condensed version of one. And I'm a charter member of binges r' us.
I woke up one morning around 5 am. I was looking at a 600 mile round trip with an 18 wheeler. My boss asked me where I got the black eyes. Dunno.
By the time I got to my turnaround point, I'm in full blown withdrawal. I made it back without killing anyone, or myself. I stopped at the liquor store on the way home that night. Lock the door when I get home and walk downstairs where I had done my drinking the night before.
The place was trashed. TV busted wide open. Furniture sawed in half.
I was the only one in the house, as my wife and kids had been out of town.
Blackout... I gave myself the blackeyes in an unconcious blind rage.
I sat down, opened the vodka bottle and drank, wondering what I would do later.
I'm grateful for my recovery today.
Thanks for letting me share.
Platinum Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Central California
Posts: 859
((((Dmorgan)))) Welcome to sober recovery! 
I can relate to what your saying. I too was one of those that would have blackouts and wake up with bruises and bumps and not remember what happen. I finally had to admit I was powerless over alcohol and seek help. I first went to my doctor and she lead me to AA and a therapist, and that is what saved my life, that was about a year and a half ago. That was the best choice I ever made. I'v been sober ever since. And I'v stayed that way by taking one day at a time, and because of all the support I'v received from all my friends here at sober recovery and at my AA homegroup. They helped me find my higher power again, who has guided me in the right direction ever step of the way.
You made a good choice by coming here. You'll find a lot of valuable ESH here, and a lot of supportive and friendly people.
Keep coming back. I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Love, Bonni 
I can relate to what your saying. I too was one of those that would have blackouts and wake up with bruises and bumps and not remember what happen. I finally had to admit I was powerless over alcohol and seek help. I first went to my doctor and she lead me to AA and a therapist, and that is what saved my life, that was about a year and a half ago. That was the best choice I ever made. I'v been sober ever since. And I'v stayed that way by taking one day at a time, and because of all the support I'v received from all my friends here at sober recovery and at my AA homegroup. They helped me find my higher power again, who has guided me in the right direction ever step of the way.
You made a good choice by coming here. You'll find a lot of valuable ESH here, and a lot of supportive and friendly people.
Keep coming back. I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Love, Bonni Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: parlin nj
Posts: 3
dmorgan,
i wrote two days ago after attending a (wedding) saturday night....i wrote because the whole night was a black out....but come to find out that i passed out befoe the reception began and was watched over in the bridal suite all night....i m tired of living like this, why i cant i get it through my thick head that i cant drink...i have so many times said iwould stop drinking or said i will only have two drinks or said this is my last.....but never went through with it....
i am 28, and not marired probably because nobody would stay with me long enough to deal with all the bs....keep coming back...we can support each other. and dontbeat yourself up to much..this too shall pass
if your husband loves you now..wait till he sees how beautiful you are when you are sober
i wrote two days ago after attending a (wedding) saturday night....i wrote because the whole night was a black out....but come to find out that i passed out befoe the reception began and was watched over in the bridal suite all night....i m tired of living like this, why i cant i get it through my thick head that i cant drink...i have so many times said iwould stop drinking or said i will only have two drinks or said this is my last.....but never went through with it....
i am 28, and not marired probably because nobody would stay with me long enough to deal with all the bs....keep coming back...we can support each other. and dontbeat yourself up to much..this too shall pass
if your husband loves you now..wait till he sees how beautiful you are when you are sober
Platinum Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Central California
Posts: 859
Welcome (((Fallenstars)))
Just like I told Dmorgan, I can relate to what your saying, I'v been there. Just keep coming back, and take it one day at a time and that miracle will happen. You'll find lots of friendly and supportive people here.
Love, Bonni
Just like I told Dmorgan, I can relate to what your saying, I'v been there. Just keep coming back, and take it one day at a time and that miracle will happen. You'll find lots of friendly and supportive people here.
Love, Bonni
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by fallenstars
....keep coming back...we can support each other.
We rarely get sober and stay sober on our own. The vast majority of us find help and support with others that have found a way to achieve a sober lifestyle. Not drinking is but one of the things that we need to do. Our alcohol abuse is a symptom of things inside us that need to be looked at and fixed. I found the help I needed in the rooms of AA and NA. I still go to a meeting almost daily. I have a sponsor and I am working a recovery program. I hardly have enough time to be alone with my thoughts! And in early recovery, that's a good space to be in.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 4
Thanks you all SO much for the support. I am very frightened that I might have some nasty withdrawls, and am unable to detox in a hospital or anything. It's nearing the lunch hour and I'm going to resist!
What are warning signs that I would need to go thhe hospital? I'm very much so hoping my body isn't that addicted. You guys are the best.
What are warning signs that I would need to go thhe hospital? I'm very much so hoping my body isn't that addicted. You guys are the best.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Dmorgan
What are warning signs that I would need to go thhe hospital? I'm very much so hoping my body isn't that addicted.
It can be serious business. It doesn't sound like you're at the extreme of the spectrum though. Please read carefully.
And keep coming back!
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/withd.../aa000125a.htm
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
Welcome ((Dmorgan and Caz))!! Missy here - alcoholic. You have been given some great advise here. We help keep each other sober, one day at a time!!
Keep coming back!!
Hugs,
Missy
Keep coming back!!
Hugs,
Missy
New and Unsure
Join Date: May 2004
Location: phoenix az
Posts: 191
Dmorgan
Welcome. It is scare but it will be ok. I am like you, young. But I have the rest of my life to live and I want to live it sober. How about you?
You might want to look into a support group like AA or NA. They are just a bunch of people committed to their sobrity helping each other out. There is never a such thing as too much support.
Good Luck!
Welcome. It is scare but it will be ok. I am like you, young. But I have the rest of my life to live and I want to live it sober. How about you?
You might want to look into a support group like AA or NA. They are just a bunch of people committed to their sobrity helping each other out. There is never a such thing as too much support.
Good Luck!
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