This ( former ) functioning alcoholic
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
This ( former ) functioning alcoholic
Monday.... From first I open my eyes I can tell I am still drunk from the weekend. Lean over to drink water I left beside my bed from Friday in hopes that a few sips will hydrate me into sobriety. Get to work woozy and try to be invisible. Look no one in the eye for fear they can tell. The day long.
Tuesday.... Getting ready for work I feel proud of myself because I only had 10 shots last night and can still remember what I had for dinner. Tell myself things are really starting to improve.
Wednesday... I am able to greet my boss at my desk and look up confident I can answer any questions with a clear head. My energy returns a bit. My stomach still in knots from the past weekends exploits. Memories still fuzzy. Guilt and shame are starting to subside until I geta flashback. I cringe. On my way home from work I tell myself I will not drink tonight. Just go get some ice cream and relax. I arrive at the bar by 5:30pm.
Thursday... Forgetting it Thursday and not Friday I wake excited for my weekend.... Until I remember what day it is. Trying to remind myself of the distant past of the weekend before. Guilt and shame seem far away as the time to Friday counts down. At work I am energetic and fun to be around. A stark difference from Monday. People say I must be in a really good mood. No.... Just the weekend is coming. TGIF...
Friday... I jump outta bed. Try and scheme a reason to leave work early. I have a million stories and reasons. A friend of a friend died and have to go to the wake. Need to help a friend with car trouble. Stomach flu. I arrive at the bar by 3pm. Walk down the bar greeting each of the regulars until I get to my bar stool waiting patiently for me. Beer and rocks glass of voldka already at my station.
Saturday... Come too to find my front door still wide open from the night before. I do an inventory check. Cats... TV.... Try to find my wallet and keys. Look in my wallet to see what I don't have in there and check the receipt from the bar to know what time I got home. Say to myself I am never doing that again. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Sunday... Come too as the bright sunny day shines through on my face. I turn over to protest. I try to do a weeks worth of chores in a few hours taking breaks because I have the alcoholic flop sweat and my heart is racing. The wallet routine complete I figure I got a good nights sleep all things considering. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Monday.... From first I open my eyes I can tell I am still drunk.
.......
Something to think of... This WAS me!
Tuesday.... Getting ready for work I feel proud of myself because I only had 10 shots last night and can still remember what I had for dinner. Tell myself things are really starting to improve.
Wednesday... I am able to greet my boss at my desk and look up confident I can answer any questions with a clear head. My energy returns a bit. My stomach still in knots from the past weekends exploits. Memories still fuzzy. Guilt and shame are starting to subside until I geta flashback. I cringe. On my way home from work I tell myself I will not drink tonight. Just go get some ice cream and relax. I arrive at the bar by 5:30pm.
Thursday... Forgetting it Thursday and not Friday I wake excited for my weekend.... Until I remember what day it is. Trying to remind myself of the distant past of the weekend before. Guilt and shame seem far away as the time to Friday counts down. At work I am energetic and fun to be around. A stark difference from Monday. People say I must be in a really good mood. No.... Just the weekend is coming. TGIF...
Friday... I jump outta bed. Try and scheme a reason to leave work early. I have a million stories and reasons. A friend of a friend died and have to go to the wake. Need to help a friend with car trouble. Stomach flu. I arrive at the bar by 3pm. Walk down the bar greeting each of the regulars until I get to my bar stool waiting patiently for me. Beer and rocks glass of voldka already at my station.
Saturday... Come too to find my front door still wide open from the night before. I do an inventory check. Cats... TV.... Try to find my wallet and keys. Look in my wallet to see what I don't have in there and check the receipt from the bar to know what time I got home. Say to myself I am never doing that again. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Sunday... Come too as the bright sunny day shines through on my face. I turn over to protest. I try to do a weeks worth of chores in a few hours taking breaks because I have the alcoholic flop sweat and my heart is racing. The wallet routine complete I figure I got a good nights sleep all things considering. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Monday.... From first I open my eyes I can tell I am still drunk.
.......
Something to think of... This WAS me!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The danger I found was because I could go through weeks surviving like this and not loose my job, loose my license, there was no real consequence, I just kept doing it!! week after week, month after month . . . pure madness!! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 18
Weasel, sounds just like me too. The last few days I've been writing up the "Event's of the entire day" per my lawyers request regarding my recent DUI. My night started at 7pm with one Miller Light at my buddy's house before heading out, 3 Bud Lights at the first stop, 4 22oz specialty beers with higher than average alcohol content at micro-brew (Just starting to heat up now), 4 Angry Orchard 16oz drafts at the next stop and bartender gave me 2 free shots, then 2 more Bud Lights at closing time at last stop......I was a mess and today is my first day on this website and already a few people have told me "It could've been worse" and that's exactly right. As I wallow in my own self pity I could have killed someone, someone on this websites family member or myself. I've made this website my top bookmark and when I feel the need to get a drink when I'm bored and just sitting around I pray I jump on here instead! Here's to sobriety.....God I hope I can do this!!! I especially can relate to the part of leaving the door open and the inventory check....that's scary!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Wow, I remember that. Horrible. Especially the excuses. I always felt so guilty "killing someone" because I was too drunk or hungover to go to work. Doubly guilty when I would get flowers for the person who died who neither died nor likely ever existed in the first place. Ugh, never, ever want to go back there.
Thanks for the reminder, Ken.
Hope you had a wonderful holiday and thank you, as always, for your posts. They always manage to come for me at exactly the right time.
xoxo
Thanks for the reminder, Ken.
Hope you had a wonderful holiday and thank you, as always, for your posts. They always manage to come for me at exactly the right time.
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Wow, the memories of my former drunk life are flashing back. That is exactly what my weeks used to be like and I thought I was functioning for a long time too. In comparison to how I am today, I was in a shaky, unpredictable, super high then super low FOG. It must have been soooo obvious what I had been up to every night. Ugh
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
To see so many experience the same things. Wow.
If this post still describes you and your days... Please know they don't have to! Choose today to not drink. No matter how you do it.
Ken
If this post still describes you and your days... Please know they don't have to! Choose today to not drink. No matter how you do it.
Ken
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