jade123

I wrote yesterday that I had an epiphany about learning to view my alcoholic behavior as if it were someone else who was behaving the way I do, and how I felt watching someone else do it and what I thought of it and that person's life... and how frightening it was.

I had another light bulb go off today, maybe it's a little bit of a clue as to why I keep falling off. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 last year. Just like my alcohol problem, I really thought I wasn't really bipolar, I just like stuff a lot and get really excited about stuff and also really upset sometimes about stuff. Moreso usually than the people around me and it's caused problems socially. Anyway, I was put on medication and since then I've felt very different. I feel a lot more in control of myself although I still go through periods where I bounce around like a nut and want to buy everything and travel the world and start fifty things and spend a fortune and never see anything through.

I'm starting to think that my previous attempts at sobriety were something that started during hypomania and then when the buzzy natural high of embarking on some new journey wore off I went straight back to the bar to find a different road to being high. Sort of getting high off of being sober. Or the idea of getting sober, anyway.

I think I'll sit with that thought for a bit tonight.

Thepatman

Great introspection. You are seeking answers and that's key to achieving a solid sobriety. I knew someone that was bi-polar. It must be difficult to deal with. Hope things sort out for you!

All the best, and happy christmas!

KateL

Yes, I was exactly the same .

jakec

I can relate with you. I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar but I feel the same things sometimes. I go through days at a time where I feel so frigin overly happy and energetic that I cant sit still or keep my mouth shut and I feel so motivated with my recovery. And then the depression kicks in and I use again.... Idk whats wrong with me, my mom has Bipolar I so maybe its a possibility.

Inca

Hi there- good for you for recognizing your behavior and how you respond to situations. Awareness is a gift of sobriety and the more we understand about ourselves, the more likely we are able to make positive choices that can help us move forward.

DoPerdition

Good for you, you're on the right track!

My sister is bi-polar and also has a drinking problem. Not to get too into details, but they do seem to be linked for her as well. They will get her on great meds and things will be looking great for her and then she starts saying that she is cured or that the side effects are too terrible (weight gain) and doesn't take the meds anymore. She forgets that they are helping her to control her moods enough to even have that much introspection and it also seems to help her control her drinking. They seem linked in the sense that when she goes off her meds, she drinks heavily.

jade123

Really? Did you eventually get past it as a phase?

jade123

The side effects are pretty bad. I'm on Celexa and Depakote. Depakote is the worst; while it evens me out and keeps the highs and extreme lows at bay, it turned me into a zombie & all I wanted to do was sleep and eat and I gained a million pounds and felt physically crappy because of it. It was like instant old age. I'm still on it but I just went down to half the dosage.