PurpleKnight

I once didn’t care whether I lived nor died, I had nothing to live for, my life was a mundane pattern of daily chores, every day the constant routine, wake up, go to work, come home, open a bottle and go to bed, I cared about no one or anything, not even myself, I was happy to poison myself, my health meant nothing, I couldn’t be told otherwise, I was addicted and the pain caused to the frustrated crowd looking in was inevitable, we don’t change, we stay the same, confined to a hell that will one day end in the death I had previously hoped for.

I was therefore happy to drink, I looked forward to the buzz, the drink at the end of the day, the week, the month, a celebration at work, a social event that revolved around alcohol, maybe even the christening of my god daughter, surrounded constantly by reasons, outlets, acceptance that it was ok, this is what society does, alcohol as a celebration, a commiseration, it’s all the same, we drink to be both happy and sad, sometimes at the same time.

Now, I have found a peace, alcohol is dead to me, I neither need nor want it, sobriety has become my life and going back in time would mean death, suicide, a slope I care not to attempt to ski down, we have all found out who we are, what we stand for, our weaknesses, strengths, and why we can never drink again, the numbness that alcohol had over us is gone, I can feel happiness, I can feel love and I can feel what actual sadness is, there is now no drug to numb reality, nothing to take away pain, it is us against the world, we are here in the present, experiencing life as it is happening around us.

It is time to start living, not in the past, but the future, our hopes and dreams that where once numbed by alcohol are alive and challenging us to make good on the promise we made, the challenge to be sober!!

KateL

Wonderful post

Twinings

Great post PK
Depression, drinking and not caring if I live or die consumed me for so many years also but it is almost like looking at another persons life when I look back now. I know my last relapse was not that long ago but I have spent most the year sober rather than most of it drunk and it has been the best year yet. Onwards and upwards my friend

newme2day

Great post!! Thanks for sharing!!

Kat60

What a great post!!!
Eloquent and beautiful

That gave me renewed hope and determination today!!

Thank you so much !!!

anyistoomuch

brilliant purpleknight! it reads like an anthem. this will be a nice post to keep handy when AV trirs to sneak in.

Nonsensical

Anna

That's a great post and it shows how far you've come.

Hevyn

Thanks for an uplifting post, filled with hope.

malcolmsloan

Great stuff, Purpleknight. Well said. Your conviction is contagious. This post is ripping--that's California talk for very good

MythOfSisyphus

Awesome post, purpleknight! That's pretty much how I was too until I got sober.

Mags1

Marvellous, purplekinght, I can relate so much to your words.x

hayley86

Great post purpleknight. Best wishes to you.

Suekie

Wow. This is so dead on.

Just a month ago I woke up every single morning dreading the day ahead, sometimes taking pills to fall back asleep into complete oblivion instead of going to work and "living". On the days I decided to get up and face the day I would sit in the bathroom in the morning with my head in my hands wondering how much longer I could handle life for, because it wasn't doing me any favors. I would come home and only look forward to uncorking the wine, not playing with my children It makes me so sad to look back and see all that I was missing, all that I took for granted, all that I drank into nothingness.

Just one month ago I thought about death nearly everyday. Now I marvel at the beauty of LIFE! The beauty of my wonderful family that I took for granted all these years.

I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want to go back there. I won't allow it. Thank you again for cementing this even further into my brain. I am LIVING now. It may be a challenge at times, but I am living a real, true life. I'm not numbing sadness away, but I'm also not numbing happiness.

flutter

Well said! Thank you for sharing this!