Katied1985

So maybe I'm posting in the wrong area of this website???but any way,I need to do some venting and maybe get so input,advice and encouragement! I have been married for 4 yrs. Now when I met my husband,he was a great guy!he stepped in and played the roll of father in my 2 yr old sons life..made me feel like a princess...safe and taken care of!ab two yrs after dating we got married and had a child together,and ever since then he has become a drug addict.may I add,before this he had no history of drug use other than smoking weed here and there in his younger days. He started off taking pain pills,for a yr I didn't think it was really a prob,I thought he just did it for fun.literally on our 1 yr anniversary he had to take a Percocet 30mg before our fancy dinner,then I knew he was introuble!he would get sick wo pills.he them started alternating back and fourth between pills and subboxone strips...then it was strictly subboxone..them he found xannex...he takes ungodly amounts for ab a week straight every few weeks.last yr he ruined every holiday including the kid's bdays.crashed the car w the kids in it..no one was hurt thank god. He went to rehab in feb for 20 days pretty much to get off the subboxone.3 days out of rehab he starts doing heroin for ab 2 months(mixed w the xanex binging too).im not sure what made him stop heroin,but he stopped and went back on the subboxone.so,he got out of rehab for the second time(for 21 days) ab a month and a half ago.he went bc he was arrested twice while high on xannex.1st time was bc his mom kicked him out of the house at 4:30am,after I found him parked at a 7 eleven passed out.so when she kicked him out he wandered into someone's yard and they called the cops.not even 2 weeks later he goes on a binge again and gets a DUI.so the next morning I had him placed into a rehab.thats like the short story of the past few yrs!he has really put my emotions through the ringer.stolen all kinda of money from me, verbally abused me, hasn't worked in over a yr,forcing us to move into his moms house 6months ago.i work 35 hrs a week bar tending...I'm helping his mom pay bills and taking care of him and my 2 kids!i have no family to turn to or help w a place to stay.i just don't understand why he is doing this..sometimes I feel like it's me...bc it started when we got married.we used to be best friends,never got into a fight,until he became an addict.im the past 2yrs I have hit him ab 6 different times,one of them being yesterday..and that is not me!!i just get so furious when I see him high on xannex and he tries to tell me he hasn't taken anything.and ofcourse things always get turned around to me..."I'm an alcoholic" since I drink 2 times a month when I get together w friends. Ughh how do I get him help..I feel I've tried it all.i really love him,well the old him...it's almost as tho he has died I think of leaving him...just have no where to go..no babysitter for my late work hrs and don't have a college degree to get a 9-5.ia there anyone else like me out there???!

lizwig

Oh Katie, wow. You have really been through it. Have you been able to accept you can't fix this for him? If love could fix any of this none of us would have the need to be on this site. I'm really glad you found us and you are posting in exactly the right spot. Your husband sounds like he is completely out of control and is looking for anything/everything to help him escape the reality of his addiction. Have you checked to see if there are any al-anon or nar-anon meetings in your area? You and and your mother-in-law could likely find some great comfort there as well. At this point the best thing you can do is protect yourself, your children, your finances. You might consider calling 211 (United Way's resource number) to find what help is available to you in your community. They can often help with housing referrals and have access to grants and funding many other agencies don't. Sounds like your mother-in-law is reaching her tolerance level too with his shenanigans. Start thinking of boundaries as a way of protecting yourself....not punishing him. Sometimes we just have to step out of the way and while we can encourage from afar....it doesn't mean we need to live smack dab in the middle of it. I'm really sorry. You'll find great support here. Keep posting, read the stickies at the top of the forum. You'll likely see your own situation in a lot of them. More than anything, know you are not alone. Others will be along to welcome you shortly. Big hugs to you....

Lily1918

Hello.

My AH is also addicted to opiates. He prefers heroin because its the cheapest. I'm also addicted to them. Both of us got started on pills for medical reasons, and everything just kind of spiraled out of control.

I know what you mean about working nights. There was a while where I was an exotic dancer, even in recovery, because I don't have any education and it seemed like the only way to make ends meet. Please, don't look down on yourself for bartending. You work hard to provide for your children. Give yourself a pat on the back mamma

The hardest thing for me to realize was the three Cs:
We do not cause anothers addiction.
We cannot control it.
We cannot cure it.

When I first came here, someone told me that using looks like using, and recovery looks like recovery. I didn't understand at first, but after awhile, it started to sink in.

I don't know your AH, but I would guess that he isn't going to rehab to find recovery. Was he getting the suboxone from a doctor? A lot of times addicts will use suboxone and rehab to keep up the face and make it look like they are "trying" Actually they are just enabling their own addiction.

It seems like you accept that he is in active addiction. What do you want to do with that knowledge? Do you want to stay, and accept him as he is? Do you want to ask him to live somewhere else until he is in recovery? How does his mom feel about you and him and the addiction? Is there anyway she would let you stay and ask him to go? Would he be willing to go to a sober house?

You don't have to answer here. Just food for thought. I lived with my AH for a long time while he was using. He went to rehab (30days), then sober living(2 weeks), then relapsed( about 4 months), then rehab (4months) then relapsed (about 3 months) and now jail/treatment (6 months so far)

I just want to add that opiates are a beast. Some addicts, like my AH need long term inpatient treatment. 30 days just isn't enough.

You will find lots and lots of support here, and even friendship too if you want! Some posters have a thick skin, and don't sugarcoat the tough stuff, but they say it with respect that you deserve the cold hard truth.
Hugs.
Lily

Katied1985

Thanks everyone!!i really appreciate everyone's wise words!i will wb when I get the strength, I went through a lot the past 4days...his binge has finally come to an end and he has been sleeping all afternoon.i always get into a reclusive mood when he is done his binging!thing that sucks is that I have to go put on a happy face in a few hrs for work thanks again so much!!im putting into prespective the things written above! Just not in the mood to write back in detail yet!