LadyBlue0527

I've read a lot of posts as to how getting sober is like the death of a relationship. In looking at the 5 stages of grief it's very easy to see the similarities.

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Just like with any grief process they don't always happen in the same order and more than one can be occurring at the same time.

The first three are definitely ever present in the beginning stages of quitting, we all know the bargaining very well.

Also, in many posts I see the statement "I'm depressed". Some have clinical depression and need to get meds. However, would you say that possibly depression is the final phase that we get to because we realize that we are going to finally have to accept that we can't drink? I know that in all the times I tried to quit that was definitely a big part of it. Maybe that's why sometimes it takes practice to finally get to the point where you get to #5.

In prior times of quitting I always made it to stage 4 but 5 never really came into play. This time through I went directly to 5 and even though 1 through 4 occurred they couldn't shatter that I had accepted that I can't drink.

With that being said would you say that total and complete, unconditional acceptance is the only path to sobriety? Does relapsing and slipping mean that even though we have realized that all roads lead back to the same place that we haven't rid ourselves of the possibility that we can still drink?

Skye2

As a UK trained ex nurse - it was one month for each year <--- bereavement/ relationship breakdown
Pm me if you wanna chat babe Xx

IOAA2

Hi, good thinking post.
"With that being said would you say that total and complete, unconditional acceptance is the only path to sobriety? Does relapsing and slipping mean that even though we have realized that all roads lead back to the same place that we haven't rid ourselves of the possibility that we can still drink?"
__________________
For me I think surrendering led to my admitting I can not drink in safety which led me easily to accepting that as fact. #1 & 2 needed a lot of sober work along with attending many meetings and getting very active.

BE WELL

Mizzuno

I think I hit #5 right away this time around. I had 1-4 in the previous attempts at sobriety. I would cling to any reason that would allow me to drink alcohol without having to really grasp the fact of the matter. Depression had clung to me for many years, good times and bad. I have come to realize that depression was really present when I was drinking, and I am not depressed when abstaining. I honestly believe that only the alcoholic or the one who abuses alcohol will throw a fit when having to face the fact that drinking needs to be taken out of the equation. So, 1-4 will ensue and consumes a persons life leading them back into the one thing that they despise. This is not rational and will never be. Alcoholism is completely irrational. However, having seen what I am capable of, the deep and mortifying experience that I put myself in, I was able to accept my reality very quickly this time around. I have learned a great deal even if it was the hardest road to walk.

newme2day

Good post. I am in stages 2 and 3 right now and there is some serious bargaining going on right now between good and evil. : (

kadidee

We were talking about this the other day in the August class thread. I slip between stages. Today I think I'm bargaining...trying to figure out the exact moment in time when I crossed from being a 'normal' or 'social' drinker to an alcoholic (if I ever was a normal drinker...maybe I just used to be more disciplined), and wondering if I could somehow go back to that moment and do something different so that I don't cross that line and can drink again. At the same time, I think I've reached a certain amount of (maybe not complete?) acceptance because I know deep down that I can't drink like normal people. Can we feel multiple stages at the same time?

jdooner

LB - For me there was a difference between accepting I am an alcoholic and an addict and accepting that I am an alcoholic and an addict fully and my life is unmanageable with or without alcohol/drugs. When I got here there was a whole different level lot understanding that transpired and has removed the obsession to drink - not the thoughts but the obsessions.

I too went through each of the stages.

NoJimmy

I also went straight to #5 on becoming sober. The toughest part for me was day-1 sober and day-1 being single happened the same day. Losing the woman I love has been a much longer harder road, I'm somewhere between #4 and #5 today (53-days in).
It's certainly is process we all have to work through at our own pace. I suppose the loss of a relationship, loved one, or our old buddy the bottle seems pretty similar from a grief standpoint.

Dee74

I think there are definite similarities which make sense if you look at addiction like a relationship.

I'm not sure you meant it that way, Skye, but I wanted to make it clear
I don't think thats true in terms of addiction - the process was a lot faster than that for me

D

LadyBlue0527

Definitely multiple stages all at once up to and including all 5. I think though that in order to achieve success 5 has to be the ringleader.

I'm at 5 but it doesn't mean that I don't occasionally feel the others, it's just that 5 is always present and the strongest.

I can absolutely say I've been far more happier this time about being sober by going to #5 first.

silentrun

I heard that one before.

Thanks for the post Ladyblue. It does feel that way. After #5 with the drinking I started over with different issues. I am on #2 with something.

Twinings

Good post!
Makes sense to me, I've definitely struggled with 1-4 all year in my many attempts to get sober. This time tho, I do feel like I headed straight to stage 5 for many reasons, fed up, ill and knowing how good sobriety was I finally accepted I cannot drink.

LadyBlue0527

The anger is definitely a tough one silentrun. Felt it many times. Why can all those people drink and have fun and I can't? The toughest thing is to realize that you just can't, there is no explanation. It really sucks. I don't know how far in you are at this point but I did finally realize that life without alcohol is not nearly as bad or as boring as I thought that it was going to be. Which leads me back to saying that's probably because I finally arrived at #5. It just takes a while to get there.

We'll hold on fast and hard to not giving in to the concept that we can't drink. It's surprising how soothing it actually is when you finally do it. Again, not to say that 1 through 4 don't hit you once in a while but when you realize that the fighting is finally over it's a relief.