Merida

Hi guys. Been reading threads on these forums for a couple of months now. Today I finally decided to register because I just relapsed... again. My addictions are mostly food and dermatillomania, but most of you guys know how ****** relapse feels no matter what you're addicted to. I feel like I have zero willpower. I feel like blaming everything and everyone to avoid taking responsibility. Also I hate how I get into this "go big or go home" mindset when relapse is starting.

I keep reading stories here about people relapsing 2 or 3 times before sobering up, but tonight is probably what, my 300th time? It really feels like I'm never going to make it. I know I can't give up but right now, I'm really discouraged.

Also, I'm really trying to feel my feelings these days, but boy, do I have the emotional maturity of a 4 year old. I'm back living with my Mom at the moment, which is the biggest trigger in the world for me. She's not a bad Mom but she's always been depressed and she'd yell a lot when I was growing up. Being back at her place made me realize that I'm really scared of her yelling at me or starting to cry because "I make her worry". I feel scared ALL THE TIME, like anything could set her off, which is silly because I'm 24 now. Basically I just go from fear to anger, anger to fear, and so on.

Anyway, that's my story. Thanks for reading!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! there's plenty of support here!!

Relapsing is something many of us have gone through, but the only thing to do is dust off, chin up, and go again!!

ImperfectlyMe

Merida welcome glad you joined! I hope you can replace that fear and anger soon
Mom issues? Check out this thread another member posted in the woman's section!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-calories.html

ScottFromWI

Welcome Merida. I think that for many (me included) things didn't change until I recognized that "continuous relapsing" is merely active addiction. Regardless of the substance, nothing changes until we surrender to the fact that we cannot eat/drink/smoke our substance of choice ever...zero exceptions.

You mention a lack of willpower too...most of us cannot quit on willpower alone. In fact, that pretty much the definition of addiction. SR has been the key for me to break through, I hope it can be for you as well.

ACT10Npack

Relapsing is a normal thing, Just have to learn from it and move on.

Dee74

Hi Merida - welcome

My addictions were different but my attempts to quit numbered in the hundreds too.
I think having support is key - and there's a lot of that here

I'm not over familiar with food addiction or food and dermatillomania but I know others will be

We also have a Eating Disorders forum you may be interested in looking at?
Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

KateL

Yes, my relapses ran into the hundreds. You're not alone. x

Merida

Thanks for your supportive replies, guys. Finding the right balance when it comes to food addiction and derma is pretty tricky for me, because I can't really stop touching my skin and eating altogether haha. I'm going to check out the links you've sent me, I'm sure they will help. Thanks again!

least

to the family.

Aiko

Hi Merida,

glad you got here.
you will find lots of advice...

If you fall 100 times you get up 101...
so you win!!!

I keep on tripping over but with time you trip less and less.
YOu are young it takes time to have things clear...

you have a lot ahead of you do not waste it stoned...
The sooner you find what yo want in life the better...
do not waste it... I wasted many years of my life.

YOu are young... make a bucket list... what is it you want in life???
you might be lost..

think about it... and DO IT!!!

eoin75

Well done on joining SR, for me relapse is part of recovery sounds like your going through a hard time with it, fear and anger are not very comfortable. Getting honest about my slips with a person i decided to trust really helped me see where i go wrong. I found it hard to change been acting out in addiction for a long time.

Threshold

merida, I have those same issues among my other addictions, and sucks.

Can't just NOT eat...well, ok you can. Been there, done that ...and skin? well, it's there right?

I get stressed and it just starts happening, don't even realize it at first...gahhhh

I have found that working a program in one area, and applying the principles in all parts of my life really helps me keep things in check. not perfect, and ones that we can't just walk away from like drugs and booze are harder for me, but I've seen real improvement.

I've had to sleep with socks over my hands at times to keep from doing too much damage in my sleep.

Are you in any sort of recovery program? I have found having a plan to work, something positive to put my focus on has helped more than just using will power and trying to "break the habit."

Glad you joined up!