Fear woke me up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 18
Fear woke me up
Soo, I tried to give up drinking about a month ago...posted here and continually read everyone's posts and still continued to drink wine. I wasn't ready to be done, apparently, until thanksgiving night. Big blow out with the bf and it was not only his last straw, but mine too. I was tired of thinking I was unworthy of happiness. I've been burdening guilt over many many things in my life and my 2-3 bottles of wine a night was my numbing potion. Well, after the blowout and the heart racing, sleepless nights that followed, I counted the 11 bottles I drank that week before and then counted my blessings...that he forgave me for my ridiculous actions and I forgave myself. Finally...forgiveness for myself.
As I went through withdrawals for 2 days, which definitely was not my first time by any means, I reflected that I almost ruined yet another relationship and that is a huge fear for me. I've ruined so many and this one I don't want to mess up. I also realized I didn't want to mess up my relationship with myself anymore...fearful that I almost completely lost my passion for life, triggered me to cut the crap and stop drinking wine.
I went through a few days of extreme anger, moodiness, crying, etc and that was quite scary, but it has passed. I joined an online weight loss program and put my energy into that instead. I'm down 6 pounds in 9 days, which is an accomplishment in itself!
I don't like to let fear get in my mind ever, but I am grateful that I had the fear of losing myself and my bf put in me to stop drinking after 7 straight years of drinking every day.
Thank god for these forums too! It's a place I go every day to feel like I'm not alone in this, even if I don't post much, I truly appreciate each one of you.
As I went through withdrawals for 2 days, which definitely was not my first time by any means, I reflected that I almost ruined yet another relationship and that is a huge fear for me. I've ruined so many and this one I don't want to mess up. I also realized I didn't want to mess up my relationship with myself anymore...fearful that I almost completely lost my passion for life, triggered me to cut the crap and stop drinking wine.
I went through a few days of extreme anger, moodiness, crying, etc and that was quite scary, but it has passed. I joined an online weight loss program and put my energy into that instead. I'm down 6 pounds in 9 days, which is an accomplishment in itself!
I don't like to let fear get in my mind ever, but I am grateful that I had the fear of losing myself and my bf put in me to stop drinking after 7 straight years of drinking every day.
Thank god for these forums too! It's a place I go every day to feel like I'm not alone in this, even if I don't post much, I truly appreciate each one of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 77
The fear is a fierce thing. I woke up in fear every night while I was drinking. I have not done that in about 10 days. I did the first few nights without a drink while I was detoxing. I love not waking up like that now. Everytime I crave a drink, I think of that fear and pain and honestly I'm not willing to go back there. Stay strong. Thanks for your post.
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